Might run out of meds... can't breath from panic attacks

[pennstater]

At this point, I don't know what else to say. You have to want to feel better and take steps to make it happen. You seem to want to punish yourself. A very tough way to go about your days.

[Daisycat]

A therapist can help you realize you deserve a good life.

In your response above, you said if you had a friend who was diagnosed, you wouldn't blame them or tell them they deserved a bad life, so please treat yourself the same way. You may not have the answers on how to deal with the diagnosis, but you know it is wrong to berate someone because of MS. You have to stop beating yourself up. It will be really hard to move forward unless you do.

I cannot stop being ashamed of this curse and disgusted with myself. I just can't live with this curse. I want more out of life than what ms will eventually provide me with. I wouldn't berate someone else because of this diagnosis but I feel that when it comes to myself I can. I pretty much live in fear that people at my job will find out and I will have to quit that day. The shame and humiliation would be too much.

[pennstater]

I think if I felt like I deserved a good life I might have an easier time seeing a therapist.

A therapist can help you realize you deserve a good life.

In your response above, you said if you had a friend who was diagnosed, you wouldn't blame them or tell them they deserved a bad life, so please treat yourself the same way. You may not have the answers on how to deal with the diagnosis, but you know it is wrong to berate someone because of MS. You have to stop beating yourself up. It will be really hard to move forward unless you do.

[Boudreaux]

I don't want to live my life like this , but my problem is anytime I try to do anything to make myself happy I feel guilty because I don't think I deserve it. There are the "normals" who I feel deserve it more than I do. If a friend was diagnosed with this a year ago i would be doing everything I could to help them be happy and deal. If it happened today I would probably be the worst person for them to talk to. I wouldn't tell them they deserved it or deserved a bad life , but I wouldn't be able to give them any advice on how to deal because knowing how my life might turn out any second of any day leaves me a crying mess. If I didn't have to work I would never leave my couch. I think if I felt like I deserved a good life I might have an easier time seeing a therapist.

You can't live in the future Daisy. No one knows what tomorrow will bring. Plenty of healthy prople will meet their fate in accidents and what not. Don't give in, you have to fight. Live for and enjoy today. Tomorrow will come in time so get off the couch and find something to do. Keep it going.

[Daisycat]

I don't want to live my life like this , but my problem is anytime I try to do anything to make myself happy I feel guilty because I don't think I deserve it. There are the "normals" who I feel deserve it more than I do. If a friend was diagnosed with this a year ago i would be doing everything I could to help them be happy and deal. If it happened today I would probably be the worst person for them to talk to. I wouldn't tell them they deserved it or deserved a bad life , but I wouldn't be able to give them any advice on how to deal because knowing how my life might turn out any second of any day leaves me a crying mess. If I didn't have to work I would never leave my couch. I think if I felt like I deserved a good life I might have an easier time seeing a therapist.

[pennstater]

[QUOTE=Daisycat;1511107]

.

I had actually considered a therapist, but I just can’t get past the feeling that I don’t deserve to be happy and I don’t deserve anything good in life. This curse has changed me from someone who had hopes and dreams and friends to a recluse who talks to only my boyfriend and comes home from work and tries different anxiety or otc meds until I stop feeling pain. I miss being happy and I miss being excited about things.

All the more reason to see a therapist. You recognize how this has affected you. Is this how you want to live your life? What you have been trying doesn't appear to be working for you. We all deserve to be happy.

Take a step back and think if a friend or loved one was struggling with a diagnosis of MS, how would you react? Would you blame them, tell them they deserve it, and oh sorry, but you should remain anxious, depressed, and unhappy? Probably not. So be kind to yourself. Treat yourself the way you would a friend. Do things that you used to enjoy.

[Daisycat]

[QUOTE=pennstater;1511101].I’mn not so much worried about running out of meds as I am about a flare that lands me in the hospital. I can’t miss that much work again and not have people talk. One hospital stay/being sick In 5 years isn’t a big deal. A second hospital stay less than a year later shows I was probably lying about the reason. I know they don’t need to know but people talk and are nosy.

I had actually considered a therapist, but I just can’t get past the feeling that I don’t deserve to be happy and I don’t deserve anything good in life. This curse has changed me from someone who had hopes and dreams and friends to a recluse who talks to only my boyfriend and comes home from work and tries different anxiety or otc meds until I stop feeling pain. I miss being happy and I miss being excited about things.

[pennstater]

Each med is different, but remain in our systems for awhile. If you changed needs, some require you to be off other meds for a period.

I can understand how upset you are with your doctor's office. But for your own health, you have to let go of the anxiety and stress. MS or not, it does not help. And with MS, can contribute to inflammation that can raise odds of a relapse. All the more reason to see a therapist and let them help you develop skills to deal with the hand you have been dealt. I went to give me a safe place to get my fears out without worrying family or friends. That alone was huge. She then worked with me on my response to my fears and stress. Just something to think about.

[Daisycat]

So my Doctor is an incompetent moron who can't seem to answer a fax for my medication refill. So I am probably going to run out. I have been calling the doctors office every hour the past two days (since I found out this was an issue). What are the chances that I will have a flare since I will die before EVERY spending another night in a hospital. What is the likelihood of a flare from being off medication for a shortish time?

I am having horrible panic attacks because of this. I am pretty sure I almost just died because I was not able to breath because I was having such a bad anxiety/panic attack.