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No drive and boyfriend gets angry

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    I have an update. I sat him down and in a very caring way told him that his behavior is not normal. I used some resources from the computer in regards to anger, bi-polar, and anxiety. He fell apart saying that he thought he was normal and everyone else was just crazy. We ended up going to a crisis center and it helped a lot. Since he has started Ativan he's has changed completely. He's still leaving but at least I feel better knowing he's leaving with some education and coping skills.

    It's weird cuz I've been single for 7-8 years and I'm only 34 lol. I have always been independent and left relationships at the first sign of something funky. My daughters dad hit me while I was pregnant. He apologized but I was on the next flight home. There is no excuse. The only reason I think I gave joe an inch this time is because when we were young he saved me from abuse at home. He was my safe place. Were only 13. I don't know if I mentioned before that we were each other's first love for almost two years we were inseparable. We shared many firsts together and he was so special to me and now we had just found each other after 20 years.

    There's so much good about him but it will never matter if he can't get a handle on his anger. That is what people tend to remember. His sex drive is less now, I guess it's the Ativan. But that's just a band aid so I can't just go back and trust him. There's a lot of work to be done here and if he truly loves me he will follow through with therapy even when I'm not there to harp on him to go.

    He still has these outrageous plans that aren't realistic. He wants to by this piece of land for 179$ a month (he has no steady work) and bring his 3 kids back out here for the summer and stay in a Winnebago parked on the land. No electricity or water hook ups. I think that would be considered an unsafe environment for the kids. I told him I love kids but in my condition I can't have 6 people in my one bedroom home for the summer. Especially 4 of them being kids. I would love for him to get his own place and be near but he is so unrealistic and if I try to break down the real life steps to achieve his plans he gets upset because it shows him that his plans can't happen.

    It's just too much stress for this sick ole girl. I appreciate everyone's concerns. I can't wait to have my space and sanity back.


      Understand, but...

      I am not at all surprised to read your update and more of the history. My first inclination was not to respond. But having been a single Mom of a disabled child for 15-years (she is 25 now), I feel an obligation to leave you with some thoughts that fall under "tough-love".

      At some point, you may be able to reread what you wrote and see how much of your explanation is a "justification" of his behavior. There is none, plain and simple. Nobody, but nobody "changes completely"-I don't care WHAT drugs they are taking. This individual has a proven pattern. You may see some very temporary changes, but the operative word is TEMPORARY. I doubt that you like what you are reading right now, because I sure didn't like hearing the truth when I thought I was so in love with a dysfunctional person. But if you are not ready to hear this, I pray you can for the sake of your DAUGHTER. This was the only approach that forced me to see things I did not want to see; I could never allow anything to even indirectly harm my child. Children see and hear much more than many of us care to acknowledge. This is not healthy for either of you- no, not even with him living "nearby".

      Obviously, the choice is yours. My final caution is that even your support network will weaken if you knowingly remain with an abusive person. But 9-1-1 is always there-don't be afraid to use it.



        Is everything okay with you?


          Been married for 30 years and i am dealing with the same immature reactions my hubby has about me not even wanting sex. I do it with him when i feel up to it. Men need sex more than women and totally view it differently. If you say no, they hear,you dont love me. My hubby has finally realized that i am not the same as when i was younger. We have had many fights, i left twice because i couldn't take the stress it would cause me to think, ok is he gonna bother me again? Are we gonna fight again? Its not easy to get them to understand it all. Your definitely not alone.


            I am the same as Joslin and we are good friends and as to me I just can't do it like my girlfriend want to do it actually causes me pain down there sometimes I feel so bad and the other day she wanted sex and I was looking like I had just had a stroke my face was messed up lopsided on the left side and my speech was slurred and pain down my left arm and she expected sex anyways and when I say I can't she acts like a 13 year old having a fit. So just to let you know it's not just the men that acts like this