Not yet DX but wants to die

[DavidaHusband]

For a year my wife has been trying to figure out what is wrong. Finally doctor number four suggested MS might be a possibility last week. My wife gets a spinal tap and MRI next week, but already thinks she has MS as her symptoms are a match to MS. I agree it is a possibliity but urge her to keep an open mind as it could be something else.

Anyway, we have been dealing with the MS possibility for five days now. We decided to not tell our kids or anyone else anything yet while we sort things out. We take a walk each night for some privacy. We talk matter-of-factly about MS and what we each learned that day. Then she breaks down and says things like she wants to die, she wants to set up a "do not resuscitate", that I should find myself a healthy woman, etc. I assure her she is beautiful and the woman for me, and that I would like to go to our kids' graduations together, dance at their weddings, etc.

I see the glass as half full -- she can do 90% yet and I foresee many fun things to do.

What do folks suggest for getting her past this funk?

On a different topic, this board has been helpful to me already. It's relatively easy to get "average of this, average of that" kinds of numbers via Google, but it's helpful to read stories about the nonaverage kinds of things.

It's painful to read the stories of people leaving their spouses, especially when their spouse needs them most.

[dougl]

For a year my wife has been trying to figure out what is wrong. Finally doctor number four suggested MS might be a possibility last week. My wife gets a spinal tap and MRI next week, but already thinks she has MS as her symptoms are a match to MS. I agree it is a possibliity but urge her to keep an open mind as it could be something else.

Anyway, we have been dealing with the MS possibility for five days now. We decided to not tell our kids or anyone else anything yet while we sort things out. We take a walk each night for some privacy. We talk matter-of-factly about MS and what we each learned that day. Then she breaks down and says things like she wants to die, she wants to set up a "do not resuscitate", that I should find myself a healthy woman, etc. I assure her she is beautiful and the woman for me, and that I would like to go to our kids' graduations together, dance at their weddings, etc.

I see the glass as half full -- she can do 90% yet and I foresee many fun things to do.

What do folks suggest for getting her past this funk?

On a different topic, this board has been helpful to me already. It's relatively easy to get "average of this, average of that" kinds of numbers via Google, but it's helpful to read stories about the nonaverage kinds of things.

It's painful to read the stories of people leaving their spouses, especially when their spouse needs them most.

sorry to read this David. as one caregiver to another, its not easy but we do everything we can.

depression. very common in PwMS. get your wonderful wife checked and on an anti-depressant. I know the stigma that comes with it but it is real and the pills do work. I know because i see it everyday.

as others have said, try to get her on sites like this. you and she will read that there is hope for the future.

she will read about other PwMS and the lives they live. MSers having kids, MSers graduating from University, MSers walking their daughter down the aisle.

i am sure she has heard the same horror stories i heard about MS. tell her that most PwMS die of something other than MS. she will have MS for many years, she needs to accept it and enjoy life as best she can.

MS is not a death sentence.

as for you David - kudos to you. you wife is very lucky to have you and if she doesn't tell you that everyday doesn't mean she doesn't feel that way.

[DavidaHusband]

Sparky10: I have suggested she at least read the forums. Didn't say no but didn't say yes yet -- I think she is overwhelmed. Hmmm, I've a forums person, but she is a facebooker, maybe I can find her something there.

dougl: Thanks. I have suggested counseling and antidepressants -- said I would go with her -- again not a yes or no but once doctor visit number 5 is done on Tuesday hopefully then. That's good to hear it was so much help for your case. She does daily thank me.

Thankfully the last 2 days seemed to have gone better. We have around 2 to 3 weeks from now to get spinal tap results -- that could be a tough day.

I think part of the problem is she is having trouble sleeping (that's understandable!) -- but she doesn't want to take sleeping pills or anything, afraid it might mess up a test. Baby steps... Tuesday tests are the next goal...

Thanks all for the kind words.

[KarenR]

Sparky10: I have suggested she at least read the forums. Didn't say no but didn't say yes yet -- I think she is overwhelmed. Hmmm, I've a forums person, but she is a facebooker, maybe I can find her something there.

Welcome to MSWorld!

Please tell your wife that MSWorld also has a FaceBook Fanpage! https://www.facebook.com/MSWorld.Fan.Page?v=wall

Perhaps she could start there.

Be well,

[rdmc]

It is easy for her to be overwhelmed in the beginning. SO much info can flood in about a subject that has suddenly become very important but she knows nothing about. No idea how to sort it out.

It will come in time! I've watched scared newbies (like your wife) go from where she is now to answering the questions of others.

Totally agree with Sparky...get her on the board. At first all you can think about is how bad it might get...and then you realize life goes on, sometimes not in the "old normal way" but in the "new normal way" I was thinking of a thread she might find interesting.

Recently somebody posted a thread about who's working, who's not...and I found it quite interesting to find that most of us are still carrying on in jobs, not feeling great all the time, but making it. Maybe a thread like that will let her know that just because you have MS, you don't automatically wither up and become non-productive.

Here's the link to that thread, btw:

http://www.msworld.org/forum/showthread.php?t=119908

Best of luck to you both!

[DavidaHusband]

Thanks for the FaceBook link and "who's working" link. Nothing like making something just a click away to encourage giving it a look.

You have to wonder if the internet makes these things better or not... I know what you mean by overwhelmed -- we both spend hours a day researching.

[LisaL77]

David, I felt the same way when I was Dx.

Now I am exploring ways to find relief, comfort, holistic, alternative approaches, etc.

I'm doing my homework, and advocating for myself.

My husband kept throwing people's names at me, trying to FORCE me to contact others with MS. I was NOT interested in hearing about so-and-so's wife who does Ironman Triathalons with MS. Let me tell you, everyone has a different journey with MS and I do not think I will glean anything by speaking to her.

I came here.

[DavidaHusband]

Thanks for your post, and it's good to know an example of trying too hard to help. It's hard to know what she wants to talk about and what not, but glad she is talking to me and very willing to go to doctors. I think each day gets a bit better already, but dx day could be very tough.

David, I felt the same way when I was Dx.

Now I am exploring ways to find relief, comfort, holistic, alternative approaches, etc.

I'm doing my homework, and advocating for myself.

My husband kept throwing people's names at me, trying to FORCE me to contact others with MS. I was NOT interested in hearing about so-and-so's wife who does Ironman Triathalons with MS. Let me tell you, everyone has a different journey with MS and I do not think I will glean anything by speaking to her.

I came here.

[DavidaHusband]

Tests today

I set 2 alarms to be sure to make our appointment and slept poorly. Tuesday, today, was the big test day, spinal tap, more blood tests, and another MRI. It was disconcerting to see the reason for the spinal tap and second MRI as "abnormal MRI" (referring to the 1st MRI). I was worried for my wife that she would feel claustrophobic or pain from the spinal tap. There was little pain and no MRI worries, except she almost fell off the narrow table at the end when she fell asleep and suddenly startled and sat up upon being awakened. Now that it's over, I feel a sense of relief. My wife seems to also and seems to be doing much better today. Maybe some of that is Valium. It doesn't really make sense to feel relieved, as we have no more knowledge until the tests come back, but we'll take it! Maybe it feels good to be doing something.

A day or 2 ago she mentioned offering help if ever needed it to a lady with MS we know (no prompting whatsover from me on that topic, I didn't even know that lady had MS). I take that as a good sign for my wife to be thinking of others like that, and a good sign for will to live, as you can't help someone unless you are alive to do it.

Thanks all again for the kinds words, advice, and chance to discuss this.

[poohb3ar]

david, i just now saw your post.
that's great that you are here! you sound like a wonderful supportive husband like mine.

we, right now are in similiar boat, except i've had MS prob. 20 yrs, not dxd until 2002.

i am worse and can't participate in all the active things we did together. we miss running together, finally have a fishing boat that i've ridden in once, he's a marathoner and only happy when moving, doing something.

he too is half full, but getting frustrated with my realistic view. i did give in a yr ago to down anti depressants and it has helped me sleep and feel better.

it's good to hear from the caretakers. my DH won't get on the board. he doesn't do forums or facebook.

but he's trying his best to make my life better. and for that and everything he is, i'm blessed.

sounds like your wife is too.
how are things? you havent posted on here in awhile.

i'm sure lots here are thinking and praying for ya'll.

i know i will be.

take care and God bless ya'll!

[Razgo]

Hi David, i don't recommend anti depressents. that can have a negative effect over time. of course thats up to her and her doctor to decide at the end of the day.

My wife did take them for a while but they just made her worse. She was far better with out them and just try to live life as best as you can with support of those around you.

you won't see people with severe or end stage MS on these forums. only their carers, husbands, wives, relatives etc...

i said the following in another thread and feel its appropiate here as well so you can see both sides of the coin so to speak.

after 20 years of marriage and 15 of those caring for my wife 24/7 and 8 of those years feeding her via a tube as a result of her MS has not altered my love for my wife or how i feel about her.

You either love your spouse in sickness and health or you don't.

When you love someone regarldess of their condition be it bad good up or down you act out of love and just keep going.

It's called unconditional love.

I once fed my wife 1/2 teaspoon of water at a time over a 3-4 hrs in the morning and the same again in the afternoon just so she could have enough water for the day.

i did that 7 days a week for over 3 years. I never complained once. You just keep going until something changes.

thankfully 7 years later after having a NGT tube and now more recently a PEG tube she no longer starves and is very healthy again today.

my point is you never know when things will get bad so i try and live in the "now" rather than worry what might or might not happen and deal with each thing as it comes a long one thing at a time.

So i found i had to adjust my outlook or attitude in life to cope better with the dramatic changes.

russ

[DavidaHusband]

I had read your message in another thread -- major kudos to you and thanks for posting.

I think we got past the "I want to die" funk, she says she's not depressed and doesn't want to do antidepressants. She does seem to be doing better mentally, as she is talking about future stuff. Luckily she had no spinal tap headache.

Hi David, i don't recommend anti depressents. that can have a negative effect over time. of course thats up to her and her doctor to decide at the end of the day.

My wife did take them for a while but they just made her worse. She was far better with out them and just try to live life as best as you can with support of those around you.

you won't see people with severe or end stage MS on these forums. only their carers, husbands, wives, relatives etc...

i said the following in another thread and feel its appropiate here as well so you can see both sides of the coin so to speak.

after 20 years of marriage and 15 of those caring for my wife 24/7 and 8 of those years feeding her via a tube as a result of her MS has not altered my love for my wife or how i feel about her.

You either love your spouse in sickness and health or you don't.

When you love someone regarldess of their condition be it bad good up or down you act out of love and just keep going.

It's called unconditional love.

I once fed my wife 1/2 teaspoon of water at a time over a 3-4 hrs in the morning and the same again in the afternoon just so she could have enough water for the day.

i did that 7 days a week for over 3 years. I never complained once. You just keep going until something changes.

thankfully 7 years later after having a NGT tube and now more recently a PEG tube she no longer starves and is very healthy again today.

my point is you never know when things will get bad so i try and live in the "now" rather than worry what might or might not happen and deal with each thing as it comes a long one thing at a time.

So i found i had to adjust my outlook or attitude in life to cope better with the dramatic changes.

russ

[Razgo]

the good news is if you can give her all the support she needs and be there for her she hopefully won’t go into depression.

Its normal to feel depressed and have down days but not good if it keeps ongoing if you know what i mean.

I remember my wife telling me one day that MS is such a horrible disease that you can't even commit suicide for the shaky hands. She said that in a fit of anger and frustration over her MS and rightfully so too.

So if you can live life to the fullest and go and do as much as you can now with your wife it will be a good thing.

My wife used to be full of life and was always on the go and constantly going out doors pretty much every day we could.

She used to be always up early and at 6am to wake me up and always ask me if i am going to spend all day in bed!

It was like she was in a rush all the time to beat her progressive MS and squeeze every bit of life out of every day before it got hold of her completely.

I never quite understood it at the time but she did.

So I was glad of the time we did spend together all those times before her MS got worse and she spent the best part of 7-8 years bed ridden horizontal unable to sit up at all until 2007.

So now that she can sit up I take her out every day 7 days a week outdoors without fail travelling 75,000KM a year
russ

[hotwing]

SAME BOAT JUST A DIFFERENT YEAR!!!!

DAVID,
MY NAME IS ROBIN AND I WAS DX 12 YRS AGO AND I WILL SHARE A LITTLE OF WHAT HAPPENED WITH ME AND MY HUSBAND THAT SOUNDS A LOT LIKE YOUR SITUATION.

I AM A NURSE OF 30 YRS AND EVEN THOUGH I AM A NURSE THAT DOES NOT MEAN YOU KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT ALL AREAS. WHEN I STARTED HAVING PROBLEMS AND THEY WERE MANY I CALLED TO MY PCP DOC TO FIND OUT WHAT SPECIALIST I SHOULD SEE FIRST. MY DOC TOLD ME TO COME TO HIS OFFICE "NOW" ALL I WANTED TO KNOW WAS SHOULD I SEE THE ORTHOPEDIC DOC, MY EYE DOC OR COME TO SEE HIM FIRST ONLY NEEDING DIRECTION. I NEVER IN A MILLION YRS THOUGHT THAT I WOULD START DOWN THE ROAD I AM CURRENTLY ON.

WITH THAT BEING SAID, I LEFT WORK AND WENT TO MY FAMILY DOC AND HE ASSESSED ME AND TOLD ME I NEEDED A MRI AND LATER THE NEXT DAY THEY WANTED ME TO REPEAT THE MRI WITH CONTRAST (DYE). I DID NOT WANT TO BOTHER MY HUSBAND BUT AT THIS POINT THEY HAD LEFT THE MESSAGE ON OUR ANSWERING MACHINE SO I TOLD MY HUSBAND WHAT WAS GOING ON. WE WENT FOR THE MRI AND THEN I GOT THE CALL TO COME TO HIS OFFICE AND BRING SOMEONE WITH ME. I PANICED AND OF COURSE CALLED MY HUSBAND AND HE MET ME THERE. THE DOC TAPPED MY CHART AGAINSE MY LEG AND SAID YOU HAVE "MS' I NEED TO GET YOU TO A NEUROLOGIST SOON. WE HAD OUR APPT WITH THE NEURO WITHIN 3 DAYS AND THE DID THE SPINAL TAP AND WITH IN A FEW MORE DAYS I WAS TOLD THAT I HAD "MS". WHAT A SHOCK TO ME AND BOTH OF US. WE BOTH CRIED AND HELD EACH OTHER IN THE PARKING LOT AT THE PCP OFFICE AND THE NEURO OFFICE. I WANTED A SECOND OPINION SO I WENT OUT OF STATE TO GET THIS CONFIRMED PRIOR TO STARTING ANY MEDICATIONS. THIS ALL HAPPENED WITH IN A MONTH SO IT WENT VERY FAST FOR THE CONFIRMATION AND THE SECOND OPINION.

IN MY CAREER AND OUTSIDE OF WORK I HAD ONLY MET A COUPLE OF PEOPLE WITH MS AND THEY OF COURSE WERE VERY LIMITED IN THEIR FUNCTIONING. THIS PUT A FEAR IN ME OF THE UNKNOWN FOR SURE. I DID NOT KNOW A LOT ABOUT MS AND DID NOT UNDERSTAND IT LIKE OF COURSE I DO KNOW MY NURSING CAREER WAS IN OTHER AREAS OF SPECIALITY THE OPERATING ROOM AND OB/GYN. HAVING LITTLE TO "NO" KNOWLEDGE I ASSUMED THE WORSE SITUATION.

I LATER AFTER READING RESOURCES ONLINE FROM LIGATIMENT WEBSITES AND JOINING A LOCAL MS SUPPORT GROUP WAS THE BEST THING TO GROW MY KNOWLEDGE AND HAVE A BETTER UNDERSTANDING.

I E-MAILED TO A LOCAL SUPPORT GROUP LEADER THAT I FOUND ON THE NATIONAL MS SOCIETY WEB PAGE AND WITH HOURS OF SENDING THE E-MAIL THAT PERSON CALLED ME BECAUSE I GAVE MY HOME PHONE ALONG WITH THE E-MAIL ADDRESS. THIS PERSON HAS BEEN MY FRIEND FOR 12 YRS NOW AND I HAVE MANY OTHERS IN THE GROUP ALSO. I KNOW THAT THIS MIGHT NOT BE RIGHT FOR EVERYONE BUT IT WAS A SINCE OF SECURITY KNOWING OTHERS THAT WERE GOING THROUGH AND HAVE GONE THROUGH SIMILIAR THINGS I HAVE. THIS WAS THE BEST SUPPORT FOR ME OTHER THAN MY "HUSBAND".

MY HUSBAND HIS NAME IS "DAVID" ALSO IS WONDERFUL AND HE HAS BEEN VERY SUPPORTIVE AND ALWAYS HAS BEEN. WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 34 YEARS. THIS IS THE PART THAT IS SIMILIAR TO WHAT YOUR SITUATION IS. I FELT THE SAME WAY THAT YOUR WIFE IS FEELING. IT IS THE FEELING OF THE UNKNOWN AND THE POSSIBILITIES OF WHAT CAN HAPPEN WITH THIS DISEASE AND NOT KNOWING WHERE IT WILL TAKE YOU.
I THOUGHT THE SAME THING AS YOUR WIFE AND WOULD SAY COMMENTS VERY SIMILIAR. I HAVE TOLD MY HUSBAND IN THE PAST THAT HE COULD FIND SOMEONE HEALTHY AND HE WOULD NOT HAVE TO DEAL WITH ME AND ALL MY PROBLEMS. I TOLD HIM THAT I DID NOT WANT HIM TO HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS THAT IS WAS BAD ENOUGH THAT I HAD TO FACE IT BUT HE DID NOT HAVE TO.

I REALLY PUT HIM THROUGH IT OFFERING A DIVORCE AND AT ONE POINT PUSHING HIM AWAY TO THE POINT OF BEING DISTANT AND WITHDRAWN FROM HIM. I THOUGHT "CRAZY" THINGS LIKE IF I PULLED BACK AND WITHDREW MYSELF FROM WHAT HAD BEEN OUR NORMAL THIS WOULD HELP HIM HAVE AN EASY OUT TO ESCAPE FROM ME AND "MY LIFE OF DOOM" THAT WAS MY OPINION AT THE TIME. I DID NOT WANT TO DIE I JUST WANTED TO ALLOW HIM THE OPTION OF GETTING OUT. I HAVE AT TIMES SINCE AND I WILL ADMIT WANTED TO GIVE UP BUT SOME HOW MY FAITH AND FAMILY AND LOCAL SUPPORT NETWORK HAVE HELPED ME THROUGH ALL THE DIFFICULT TIMES.

MY HUSBAND NEVER WANTED OUT AND HAS STUCK WITH ME LIKE "GLUE" THROUGH IT ALL AND NOW 12 YEARS LATER WE HAVE ADJUSTED TO WHAT LIMITATIONS I HAVE AND WHAT ADJUSTMENTS I HAVE HAD TO MAKE OVER THE YEARS. THEY HAVE BEEN MINIMAL COMPAIRED TO SOME BUT TO ME THEY HAVE BEEN MAJOR.

I HAVE HAD TO STOP WORKING IN NURSING DUE TO THE MAJOR COGNITIVE ISSUES AND THE EXTREME FATIGUE. I DO TAKE MEDICATION FOR THESE. I AM COPING VERY WELL AND HAVE PUT MY FOCUS ON WHAT I CAN DO NOT WHAT I CAN'T DO. I CO-LEAD THE LOCAL SUPPORT GROUP WITH 2 OTHER PEOPLE AND THEY BOTH ARE GREAT. WE DO THIS AS A TEAM. I GET A LOT OF SATISFACTION FROM THIS BY THE INTERACTION WITH OTHER LIKE MYSELF AND FEELING LIKE I AM HELPING OTHERS ALSO SINCE STOPING NURSING.

I HAVE ALSO LEARNED TO KNIT AND SEW. I MAKE ALL MY GIFTS FOR OTHERS NOW LIKE SHOWER GIFTS I MONOGRAM INITIALS ON TOWEL SETS FOR WEDDING AND FIRST HOME GIFTS. I MONOGRAM BABY BURP CLOTHS AND I KNIT BABY BLANKETS AND SCARFS. I CAN DO THESE THINGS IN MY DOWN TIME SO I FEEL PRODUCTIVE.

WITH ALL THE ADVANCES IN MEDICATION ESPECIALLY FOR MS THERAPIES TO PREVENT DISEASE PROGRESSION YOUR WIFE IF CONFIRMED SHE HAS MS MIGHT NEVER HAVE TO MAKE A CHANGE IN WHAT SHE IS CURRENTLY DOING. MEDICATIONS FOR MS CAME OUT IN 1993 AND THAT WAS THE LOTTERY WITH BETASERON, AND NOW WE HAVE SO MANY OPTIONS AND EVEN AN ORAL MEDICATION AND ANOTHER ONE HOPEFULLY WITH IN THE YEAR.

I FISH, I HAVE A TANDOM KAYAK SO SOMEONE CAN COME WITH ME AND I GO OUT ON THE LAKE IN IT AS OFTEN AS I CAN. I LOVE TO GARDEN AND MY HUSBAND BUILT ME 2 RAISED GARDEN BEDS WITH A LEDGE THAT I CAN SIT ON AS I PLANT AND WORK IN MY GARDEN.

I GUESS WHAT I AM SAYING YOU CAN MODIFY YOUR SITUATION AS YOU GO TO GET THE BEST AND MOST OUT OF THE SITUATION THAT IS PUT BEFORE YOU AND BE PATIENT AND SUPPORTIVE AS YOU ARE THIS WILL ONLY HELP YOUR WIFE AS YOU BOTH MOVE FORWARD.

I HAVE MANY DEVICES AND USE WHAT I NEED TO WHEN EVER. I CAN WALK AND FOR DISTANCE I NEED MY CANE OR MY LEG BRACE. I DO HAVE A WHEELCHAIR THAT I TAKE ON TRIPS TO CONSERVE MY ENERGY TO GET THE MOST AND BEST OUT OF TRIPS. I HAVE AN ELECTRIC SCOOTER ALSO. I HAVE TAKEN MY MANUAL WHEELCHAIR TO ALASKA AND BERMUDA AND MANY OTHER PLACES. I LOOK AT IT LIKE THIS I GET TO THE FIRST OF THE LINE AND IF SOMEONE ASKS IT WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME IT IS A WAY TO MAKE OTHERS AWARE ABOUT MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS.

KEEP BEING SUPPORTIVE AN ALLOWING YOUR WIFE TO EXPRESS HERSELF. THAT IS ONE OF THE BEST THINGS YOU CAN GIVE HER. IF SHE DOES GET CONFIRMATION OF MS. I WILL SAY THE BEST THING THAT YOU AND YOUR FAMILY CAN DO IS TO HAVE PATIENCE AND UNDERSTANDING THAT SOME DAYS WILL BE MORE DIFFICULT FOR HER, AND OFFER TO HELP OUT AND LIGHTEN HER LOAD EVEN WHEN SHE LEAST EXPECTS THE HELP. IT WILL ONLY MAKE YOU BOTH CLOSER AND STRONGER.

IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU BOTH HAVE A STRONG RELATIONSHIP SHE MIGHT BENEFIT FROM TALKING TO A THERAPIST. I WILL SAY THAT THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE I KNOW TAKE AN ANTIDEPRESSANT. I AM OF THE OPINION WITH SOCIETY LIKE IT IS TODAY IT SHOULD BE IN THE WATER SYSTEM FOR EVERYONE. THE NEW ANTIDEPRESANTS ARE NOT LIKE YEARS AGO THEY ARE MILD AND NOT ADDICTING AND OFTEN THERAPY ALONE OR JUST "GOOD OLD FAMILY SUPPORT" IS ENOUGH WHAT EVER SHE NEEDS JUST KEEP BEING SUPPORTIVE.

HANG IN AND KEEP DOING WHAT YOU ARE DOING. I PRAY THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO DOWN THIS PATH WITH "MS" BUT IF YOU ARE BACK ONLINE AND READ THIS I HOPE IT MIGHT HELP AND KNOW THAT RESOURCES ARE OUT THERE FOR YOU BOTH. MY LOCAL GROUP THAT IS THROUGH THE NATIONAL MS SOCIETY WE HAVE PEOPLE WITH MS AND CAREPARTNERS THAT COME WE HAVE BOTH AND THE NMSS HAS A LOT OF EDUCATIONAL MATERIALS TO OFFER ON LINE. I AM NOT SURE HOW OLD YOUR CHILDREN ARE BUT THEY HAVE A MAGAZINE THAT IS STRUCTURED FOR CHILDREN. MY SON GOT THAT FOR YEARS AND HE IS NOW IN COLLEGE AND HE IS ONE OF THE MOST KIND AND CARING PEOPLE I KNOW. HE WILL STAND UP FOR ANYONE THAT HAS LIMITATIONS AND OR DISABILITIES.

YOUR WIFE WILL SEE THE GLASS FULLER AS TIME GOES THIS IS ALL NEW AND A BLOW TO HER SO HANG IN AND BE STRONG FOR HER AND SHE WILL APPRECIATE YOU MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW.


I HOPES THIS HELPS IF NOT YOU HOPEFULLY IT WILL HELP SOMEONE....
BEST WISHES AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU BOTH.
ROBIN

For a year my wife has been trying to figure out what is wrong. Finally doctor number four suggested MS might be a possibility last week. My wife gets a spinal tap and MRI next week, but already thinks she has MS as her symptoms are a match to MS. I agree it is a possibliity but urge her to keep an open mind as it could be something else.

Anyway, we have been dealing with the MS possibility for five days now. We decided to not tell our kids or anyone else anything yet while we sort things out. We take a walk each night for some privacy. We talk matter-of-factly about MS and what we each learned that day. Then she breaks down and says things like she wants to die, she wants to set up a "do not resuscitate", that I should find myself a healthy woman, etc. I assure her she is beautiful and the woman for me, and that I would like to go to our kids' graduations together, dance at their weddings, etc.

I see the glass as half full -- she can do 90% yet and I foresee many fun things to do.

What do folks suggest for getting her past this funk?

On a different topic, this board has been helpful to me already. It's relatively easy to get "average of this, average of that" kinds of numbers via Google, but it's helpful to read stories about the nonaverage kinds of things.

It's painful to read the stories of people leaving their spouses, especially when their spouse needs them most.

[MarySunshine]

Hello David,

Sounds like your wife is experiencing the different stages of grief. It's normal. Some of us go through it every time we lose some (even a little bit of) functioning somehow. I've told my husband to find someone healthier at times, but he stays (thank God). The first couple of years are the hardest, especially if the diagnosis takes a long time...

I have dual diagnosis of MS and another autoimmune coniditon (actually 2)...which made things a bigger mess at the beginning. I found peace with reading boks like "Quantum Healing" and biofeedback therapy as well. Feeling as though I have some control over my future helps me stay on track.

I wish you and your wife the best through this journey! It can be a blessing in disguise, too....