Well... if you've been over the boards lately, you all may have noticed that I am posting more, which I suppose is an indication of how not well I am doing.
As some of you may now, I recently had a benign tumor removed from up against my cervical spine and am still not 100% back to normal. The surgery was about one month shy of the year anniversary of my first bout of optic neuritis that got me diagnosed. Since the surgery, I've gained about 10-15 lbs since then because there was a full month when I spent most of my day sitting in a recliner attempting to be comfortable, which is an added stress for me.
Lately, I've been so distressed because I feel like I am speaking and literally no one is listening. My family, my boyfriend, my friends. I feel like they want to know how I'm doing but when I tell them they don't really want to hear it. But I know that they do, and that they love me and they are all freaking out on their own as well, my feelings are not entirely rational.
The worst thing that's happening is that I am filled with rage. I'm not violent or anything, that's just not in my nature. But I am SO ANGRY and UPSET and ALL OF THE THINGS. I know that this is, psychologically, not an absurd response to everything that has been happening, but it makes me feel awful. Fear becomes anger when you can't process life events yadda yadda yadda, I've always been interested in psychology so I get that. But, it's difficult to fix when it's happening to you, even when I know that I am acting poorly. It's so very not me. I am usually pretty mild mannered, happy, even kind.
I am not taking any medicine, and have a history of anxiety (and was on meds years ago but prefer not to be on them now as nothing has really been working quite right.) Does anyone have any advice? Similar stories? Any supplements or anything anyone thinks may be helpful?
I've made an appointment with my psychologist and am trying to be proactive and responsible with my mental health. But, honestly, I'm so scared that this is some sort of M.S. symptom and I am going to become some angry horrible person that no one wants to deal with, because I kind of am that way right now.
As some of you may now, I recently had a benign tumor removed from up against my cervical spine and am still not 100% back to normal. The surgery was about one month shy of the year anniversary of my first bout of optic neuritis that got me diagnosed. Since the surgery, I've gained about 10-15 lbs since then because there was a full month when I spent most of my day sitting in a recliner attempting to be comfortable, which is an added stress for me.
Lately, I've been so distressed because I feel like I am speaking and literally no one is listening. My family, my boyfriend, my friends. I feel like they want to know how I'm doing but when I tell them they don't really want to hear it. But I know that they do, and that they love me and they are all freaking out on their own as well, my feelings are not entirely rational.
The worst thing that's happening is that I am filled with rage. I'm not violent or anything, that's just not in my nature. But I am SO ANGRY and UPSET and ALL OF THE THINGS. I know that this is, psychologically, not an absurd response to everything that has been happening, but it makes me feel awful. Fear becomes anger when you can't process life events yadda yadda yadda, I've always been interested in psychology so I get that. But, it's difficult to fix when it's happening to you, even when I know that I am acting poorly. It's so very not me. I am usually pretty mild mannered, happy, even kind.
I am not taking any medicine, and have a history of anxiety (and was on meds years ago but prefer not to be on them now as nothing has really been working quite right.) Does anyone have any advice? Similar stories? Any supplements or anything anyone thinks may be helpful?
I've made an appointment with my psychologist and am trying to be proactive and responsible with my mental health. But, honestly, I'm so scared that this is some sort of M.S. symptom and I am going to become some angry horrible person that no one wants to deal with, because I kind of am that way right now.
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