Rage?

[aislinngrace]

Well... if you've been over the boards lately, you all may have noticed that I am posting more, which I suppose is an indication of how not well I am doing.

As some of you may now, I recently had a benign tumor removed from up against my cervical spine and am still not 100% back to normal. The surgery was about one month shy of the year anniversary of my first bout of optic neuritis that got me diagnosed. Since the surgery, I've gained about 10-15 lbs since then because there was a full month when I spent most of my day sitting in a recliner attempting to be comfortable, which is an added stress for me.

Lately, I've been so distressed because I feel like I am speaking and literally no one is listening. My family, my boyfriend, my friends. I feel like they want to know how I'm doing but when I tell them they don't really want to hear it. But I know that they do, and that they love me and they are all freaking out on their own as well, my feelings are not entirely rational.

The worst thing that's happening is that I am filled with rage. I'm not violent or anything, that's just not in my nature. But I am SO ANGRY and UPSET and ALL OF THE THINGS. I know that this is, psychologically, not an absurd response to everything that has been happening, but it makes me feel awful. Fear becomes anger when you can't process life events yadda yadda yadda, I've always been interested in psychology so I get that. But, it's difficult to fix when it's happening to you, even when I know that I am acting poorly. It's so very not me. I am usually pretty mild mannered, happy, even kind.

I am not taking any medicine, and have a history of anxiety (and was on meds years ago but prefer not to be on them now as nothing has really been working quite right.) Does anyone have any advice? Similar stories? Any supplements or anything anyone thinks may be helpful?

I've made an appointment with my psychologist and am trying to be proactive and responsible with my mental health. But, honestly, I'm so scared that this is some sort of M.S. symptom and I am going to become some angry horrible person that no one wants to deal with, because I kind of am that way right now.

[SNOOPY]

Hi aislinngrace,

I've made an appointment with my psychologist

This would have been my first suggestion.

Sometimes it can be so very difficult to deal with what life throws at us

The worst thing that's happening is that I am filled with rage. I'm not violent or anything, that's just not in my nature. But I am SO ANGRY and UPSET and ALL OF THE THINGS. I know that this is, psychologically, not an absurd response to everything that has been happening, but it makes me feel awful. Fear becomes anger when you can't process life events yadda yadda yadda,

I don't mean to make light of what you are experiencing. But, this did make me chuckle. I spent quite a few years in Psychotherapy and the above quote sounds so familiar.

In the past I dealt with an enormous amount of anger. Unfortunately, I learned how to feed my anger. In this way I didn't have to feel what was below all of that anger and rage.

I am not taking any medicine, and have a history of anxiety (and was on meds years ago but prefer not to be on them now as nothing has really been working quite right.)

I completely understand. However, if medication would help then there is nothing wrong with accepting that kind of help.

I spent 10 years on an anti-anxiety medication. I never thought I would be able to live a normal life without it. The last time I refilled my prescription was December 2013 I would go back to Psychotherapy and medication if needed.

I was looking for Peace within myself and I found it in spirituality. It took time but one day I realized I felt calmer and I hadn't used any medication for awhile. I am still on this journey of enlightenment and I still have a lot of work to do. I am a work in progress

A book that I am still in the process of reading (I'm about halfway through it) is --- When Everything Changes, Change Everything by Neale Donald Walsch.

By the way, my experience with anger/rage had nothing to do with MS.

Take care

[poohb3ar]

how are you?

it's been awhile since you posted.

i pray that you made it to the appt. and were able to get some help.

it is awfult to be angry all the time and upset over everything, especially when that isn't your normal personality. been there, still doing it!

read through these forum and you'll find a lot of others in the same position. it may or may not be another MS sx. but you won't know or be able to get help for it until you see the right drs.
hopefully, you're on the path to better health.

please, let us know how you're doing!

take care & God bless ya!

[Nanobaby]

Currently feeling the same way.

Not sure if MS symptom, or simply surrounded by idiots. I'm more inclined to go with the latter...

[KateA2]

I think rage was/is a MS symptom for me FWIW. I take a small dose of lexipro and a lower dose beta blocker...else I'd be a vengeful hellion. Prior to medication and post DX I'd have some minor frustration and have a full-on adrenaline fueled fight/flight response.

BP go from 108/65 to 180/110, heart to 170 bpm, and serious shaking anger. Very scary! I am a quiet, calm, cerebral person so totally bizarre. I had it happen in my MDs office after getting stuck in traffic on the way there. MD was fascinated- and rationally I knew was unreasonable, but body just went haywire. So it can happen with MS.

I feel 1000x better with the meds. I've already had lots of therapy over the years so it was easier to determine it was physical cause.