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    #1

    Self Care doesn't mean selfish

    I just heard this on morning TV and thought it was powerful:

    "Self-care doesn't mean you are being selfish".

    I know sometimes I think I am taking away from someone else's needs or something else I should be doing. I have to start turning this thought around and think that what I am doing for myself is something in the long run, makes me a better person for those I love.

    Of course, as with anything, it could turn extreme and selfish, but in general, taking some time to care for ourselves is not.

    Just curious, what do you do for self-care? What challenges do you face in doing this and how do you overcome it?
    Kathy
    DX 01/06, currently on Tysabri
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    #2
    Self care and setting boundaries kind of mesh together for me. I struggle the most with work because I am so terrified of being unable to work. As I get older, slower and see friends/loved ones passing away it reminds me of how brief and precious our lives on this earth are. In the past year I have actually turned down a couple of shifts, and was glad I did, which I never would have done in the past. A work in progress and nice reminder, thanks pennstater!
    He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
    Anonymous
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      #3
      Originally posted by pennstater View Post
      ....sometimes I think I am taking away from someone else's needs or something else I should be doing. I have to start turning this thought around and think that what I am doing for myself is something in the long run, makes me a better person for those I love.... Just curious, what do you do for self-care? What challenges do you face in doing this and how do you overcome it?
      Hi Kathy,

      Related in a way to the other thread regarding faith. When I returned to my faith after decades away I did so by throwing myself into philosophy, theology even psychology. Best summation I have to your question is that everyone is questioned by life and the only answer possible is arrived at by answering for your own life.

      To any life questions you can only respond by being responsible for your own life. Use "self-care" if you want, but aren't we talking about responsibleness?

      In being responsible for myself first I create a template for someone to observe. Maybe utter a word or two that makes a difference in someones life? Maybe become more worthy for the life I was given?

      The challenge is always overcoming pride.





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        #4
        How true Jules. None of us know how long we have, with or without MS. Each day is truly precious. I am glad you are now in a position to let work go sometimes. We all need time to recharge and time for all the people and things in life that bring us joy. Hope you can keep the balance you recently achieved.
        Kathy
        DX 01/06, currently on Tysabri

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          #5
          Hi Jer,

          Glad you found your faith.

          Definitely philosophical of you. I guess the problem some of us have is we put our responsibilities to other people and things above the responsibility we have to ourselves. So making time to exercise, meditate, cook healthy meals, play music, volunteer, pamper ourself, or whatever it is that recharges us just doesn't happen as often as it should. It falls behind work, spouses, kids, housework, etc...

          Thanks for your insight!
          Kathy
          DX 01/06, currently on Tysabri

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            #6
            Jules post was right on. We spend so much time worrying about the struggle between taking care of ourselves and taking care of others that it can all end and we wasted precious time.

            However, some of the people who I have lost suffered a lot before they died. I wish I had done more to help my aunt with MS but I was so busy trying to make a success of my career. I wish I had done more for my sister. She was so young when we lost her to diabetes and I wish I could have done more to make her life easier.

            But getting MS is really a selfish venture. We demand from husbands, wives and other family members.

            its all a balance and we never have all the answers. But taking extra time to take care of ourselves instead of surfing WebMD sounds constructive. A nice warm bath, a pedicure, something special to wear. That’s all good stuff.

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              #7
              What a great topic! Thanks, Kathy.

              Originally posted by Jules A View Post
              Self care and setting boundaries kind of mesh together for me.
              This makes sense. I usually separate them out. I lsometimes limit my definition of self care to some of the alternative strategies I use - functional medicine, acupuncture, kinesiology, health maintenance groups, etc.

              I tend to limit setting boundaries to knowing when to say "No" to others.

              I'm fairly intentional about both of these. But, they are both more than my definition. And, self care is also more than the combination of my definitions.
              ~ Faith
              MSWorld Volunteer -- Moderator since JUN2012
              (now a Mimibug)

              Symptoms began in JAN02
              - Dx with RRMS in OCT03, following 21 months of limbo, ruling out lots of other dx, and some "probable stroke" and "probable CNS" dx for awhile.
              - In 2008, I was back in limbo briefly, then re-dx w/ MS: JUL08              .
              - Betaseron NOV03-AUG08; Copaxone20 SEPT08-APR15; Copaxone40 APR15-present
              - Began receiving SSDI / LTD NOV08. Not employed. I volunteer in my church and community.

              Comment

                #8
                To answer the original question.....

                I nap. Sometimes I feel selfish doing it but I know it makes me more enjoyable to be around. I work Mon-Thurs and on those days I dream about being able to nap on the other three days. Fatigue is THE #1 problem I have. Fatigue makes every other symptom worse.
                "Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in.
                ~Leonard Cohen

                DX March, 2022. Ontario, Canada

                Comment

                  #9
                  Originally posted by Pistachio View Post
                  To answer the original question.....

                  I nap. Sometimes I feel selfish doing it but I know it makes me more enjoyable to be around. I work Mon-Thurs and on those days I dream about being able to nap on the other three days. Fatigue is THE #1 problem I have. Fatigue makes every other symptom worse.
                  I hear you. I did stop working, which helps me manage my fatigue better. I have time to exercise, which is big in fighting fatigue for me. I also sleep and eat better. That being said, there are days nothing else will suffice but a nap! As you said, I am more enjoyable that way and it helps scale back the fatigue related symptoms. Some days, my husband just asks "Don't you think you need a nap?

                  Besides nap and exercise, other things I do for self care: listen to music, read, try my hand at crafts, pray, call an old friend,and just watch/listen to the sights and sounds of nature.

                  I thought about saying volunteering and teaching HS Sunday School, as they both do feed my soul. But at the same time, they are things I do for others and at times, can add some stress. So the verdict is out if it qualifies as self-care
                  Kathy
                  DX 01/06, currently on Tysabri

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Originally posted by Pistachio View Post
                    To answer the original question.....

                    I nap. Sometimes I feel selfish doing it but I know it makes me more enjoyable to be around. I work Mon-Thurs and on those days I dream about being able to nap on the other three days. Fatigue is THE #1 problem I have. Fatigue makes every other symptom worse.
                    Thats the best kind of self care. It is one of the activities listed in the book, “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”. I approve.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Originally posted by palmtree View Post
                      Jules post was right on. We spend so much time worrying about the struggle between taking care of ourselves and taking care of others that it can all end and we wasted precious time.

                      However, some of the people who I have lost suffered a lot before they died. I wish I had done more to help my aunt with MS but I was so busy trying to make a success of my career. I wish I had done more for my sister. She was so young when we lost her to diabetes and I wish I could have done more to make her life easier.

                      But getting MS is really a selfish venture. We demand from husbands, wives and other family members.

                      its all a balance and we never have all the answers. But taking extra time to take care of ourselves instead of surfing WebMD sounds constructive. A nice warm bath, a pedicure, something special to wear. That’s all good stuff.


                      Just wanted to add after rereading all responses that this is a solid thread. Thanks again pennstater.

                      I chose palmtree's comments to respond to because they point to the other side of my POV, something I hadn't really considered.

                      Yes to Jules post regarding how precious our lives are despite the infirmity. And to palmtree; "...getting MS is really a selfish venture. We demand from husbands, wives and other family members."

                      I'm older, male (less compassionate when younger, healthier) and now a long time alone.

                      Without the responsibilities another in your life demands or we feel we owe, my focus is on Cathy's self help. For me MS isn't a selfish venture. It's paramount to continue living my life.

                      May actually be easier alone... and I never really looked at it that way. No one to whine to or to drive to distraction whining? No one to cause to worry... the list goes on.

                      Again, thanks for the thought provoking responses to this thread.

                      Oh, and yes to naps too.



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