Is it possible to get over the humiliation of this

[Daisycat]

My life has been far from perfect. My parents divorced, my two best friends died a month apart from each other, Among other things.

i just had worked hard to get to where I was and finally had the life I wanted.

Life isn’t fair but honestly it would have been better if I had never been born.

[Jules A]

My life has been far from perfect. My parents divorced, my two best friends died a month apart from each other, Among other things.

i just had worked hard to get to where I was and finally had the life I wanted.

Life isn’t fair but honestly it would have been better if I had never been born.

I hear ya and have always said while I am not suicidal I would have never asked to be born into this world. I scratched and clawed for everything I ever got.

I guess the difference is that I have continued scratching. My thinking, even early on, was that I was thankful I wasn't diagnosed when I was a hot mess in my 20s or they probably would have found me face first in a trashcan filled with cocaine. I was 40 and had my finances in order, I was married and felt settled for the first time in my life...until MS but I dealt with it and kept moving forward.

Guarantee I have accomplished more on a professional level than I ever would have without MS nipping at my heels.

[Daisycat]

I’m pretty sure if I had been diagnosed in my 20s I would have been in the same ditch.

I also wouldn’t kill myself as in traditional methods of suicide but if I ever do get to my mid-worst case scenario I think I should have say in what happens.

Part of me wishes I had been diagnosed before i went to school and got into debt. Losing my job terrifies me every day.

[marti]

I read this about acceptance:



You, Daisycat, are simply wasting your energy and decreasing your quality of life by not accepting this. You're stuck.

Accepting it won't make it worse. It will give you the opportunity to work on the next step -- courage. It's time to move on. You are not benefiting from your choice. There is no upside to non-acceptance.

Excellent posts Mama. I don't think this person is looking for "help" on this board. She just needed a place to vent, to empty her soul of all the pain to strangers. I get that. I've done my share of venting. But in the end I come here to find support and help for my MS. This woman needs the kind of help we can't give her. Maybe she just likes stirring things up. I don't know. But your answers have been right on target.

[marti]

I have to say that this thread is the reason i joined MSWorld.
I was diagnosised 6 months ago and not once did i think my life was over. Not once did i sit there and think this is the end i needed a bucket list.

Daisycat- you really tick me off because you have such a negative mindset. People get diagnosis with terminal cancer and they don't have the self pity that you have.

What won't you be able to do in the future? Do you think you are waking up crippled tomorrow? wheelchair bound? memory gone? People have lived decades with MS and aren't in that condition. We at least have newer drugs that will improve our treatment and quality of life. We should be thankful that if we have to have this disease we have it now!

And change your negative mind! You will one day end up in a bad place because you let your mind go there. Not one thing in my life has changed except maybe being tired more often. I get my treatments (Tysabri where i look at it as 2 hours of alone time a month since i do have a small child), i give myself that day to treat myself to whatever i want and then i move on with life. You either chose to live your life with MS being a small part of it or you seal your own fate.

Just stop with the self pity!

Well said.

[Mamabug]

I am 100 % alone. Even people with this thing can’t relate to me. . .

We're relating to you. You aren't relating to us.

[marti]

You know what, Daisycat, I give up. You have monopolized this board for weeks. This post is up to 4 pages, you had another one that was 5 pages. I was very down and depressed last week. I posted on this board looking for support. You know how many replies I got? One. One! And you are still ungrateful for all we have done.

Just admit it. You have no intention of listening to anything we have to say. Are you enjoying the drama? Are you trolling us (I am really starting to wonder)?

Get over yourself, Daisycat. Either you want to live with MS or you want to wallow in your own self pity. I, for one, refuse to feel sorry for myself. I don't mean to sound harsh, but, frankly, I am fed up with these posts. Many of us would love to get the type of attention you are getting on this site.

Sorry to say, but I agree with you! This woman seems to need to get all her frustration out on this board. She has an answer for every post from people who were honestly trying to help her. I've come here with grief and sadness in my heart and got so much support and suggestions. I'm trying to move on, but once in awhile I still need help from the group. And they are loving enough to give it. But I'd rather just come here to discuss MS problems and ask questions from the people who know first hand what is happening with their own MS. Advice is lost on this person.

[ladybug162]

I dunno, but I for one think she’s very courageous for posting her true feelings here. I can relate to a lot of what she says...what she’s feeling. I don’t post half of what I’m feeling here for fear of being labeled a negative nelly. Not because I don’t feel this place would be accepting and not because I feel like I’d be judged here. It’s just my own insecurities. Everyone here has been nothing less than wonderful. It’s just that there is only so much people here can do when the issue lies so much deeper than even we (the people hurting) even realize. Sometimes just venting helps. Other times we need professional help with the deeper rooted issues. We just have to make that first step for ourselves. It sounds like she’s reached out to a therapist so she’s even further along than I am. So yeah, I think she’s pretty courageous. It’s not easy...

[Jules A]

I’m pretty sure if I had been diagnosed in my 20s I would have been in the same ditch.

I also wouldn’t kill myself as in traditional methods of suicide but if I ever do get to my mid-worst case scenario I think I should have say in what happens.

Part of me wishes I had been diagnosed before i went to school and got into debt. Losing my job terrifies me every day.

1. Lol yep and we would have probably enjoyed ourselves too

2. Right there with ya. I was traumatized by Karen Ann Quinlan as a youngster and have had what used to be called a Living Will since my early 20s. I still have a don't even plug it in so there is no plug to pull type advanced directive. I am very appreciative there are now states and countries that will assist if someone needs help passing on their own terms.

3. Losing my job still terrifies me too but it was far worse when I was your age. I have banked 13 years worth of savings and investments since my diagnosis so if it all hit the crapper tomorrow my husband and I would be ok financially. Something else to consider for those who feel like we do is there will be no heroic, aka expensive, hail Mary medical treatments or long nursing home stays. Just make me comfortable with plenty of benzos and opiates, the same medications I have rebuffed for years, and let me pass from whatever even it that turns out to be a run of the mill UTI. I'm not going to be a burden on my husband for long if I am unable to care for myself because I am refusing all treatment except pain and anxiety meds. So there's that.

[Jules A]

I dunno, but I for one think she’s very courageous for posting her true feelings here. I can relate to a lot of what she says...what she’s feeling. I don’t post half of what I’m feeling here for fear of being labeled a negative nelly. Not because I don’t feel this place would be accepting and not because I feel like I’d be judged here. It’s just my own insecurities. Everyone here has been nothing less than wonderful. It’s just that there is only so much people here can do when the issue lies so much deeper than even we (the people hurting) even realize. Sometimes just venting helps. Other times we need professional help with the deeper rooted issues. We just have to make that first step for ourselves. It sounds like she’s reached out to a therapist so she’s even further along than I am. So yeah, I think she’s pretty courageous. It’s not easy...

Well said.

[Daisycat]

Mama bug I can’t relate to you because being happy with this will never happen:

The advice to accept this curse isn’t going to happen. I wanted a better life than this hell would offer.

Ladybug thank you for your positive words.


I honestly think for me im going to have to live like I don’t have this. I’ll still see my dr every 6 months and take my medicine other wise I’m going to try to put it out of my mind.

I cant get the specialty I wanted but I’m considering going for a different one (since I could stay at my job and it’s 100 times easier). I’d also get a huge raise if I got it so there’s that. (Yay for bucket list/ travel money )


once i progress to where I have no quality of life I plan to use one of those countries that help people. I don’t think there’s anywhere in the states that allows for this yet.

Since ive decided I’m going to live like I don’t have this I actually made plans to hang out with friends next weekend and looked up stuff for my possible new specialty.


I really appreciate everyone here who was supportive and didn’t get offended by me speaking the truth. I know this is the only way I have any chance of having a future. I mean it really changes nothing.

[gargantua]

I honestly think for me im going to have to live like I don’t have this. I’ll still see my dr every 6 months and take my medicine other wise I’m going to try to put it out of my mind.

Yeah, do what you can do and let things fall into place, enjoy and succeed in the meantime. Good going Daisy.

[marti]

Mama bug I can’t relate to you because being happy with this will never happen:

The advice to accept this curse isn’t going to happen. I wanted a better life than this hell would offer.

Ladybug thank you for your positive words.


I honestly think for me im going to have to live like I don’t have this. I’ll still see my dr every 6 months and take my medicine other wise I’m going to try to put it out of my mind.

I cant get the specialty I wanted but I’m considering going for a different one (since I could stay at my job and it’s 100 times easier). I’d also get a huge raise if I got it so there’s that. (Yay for bucket list/ travel money )


once i progress to where I have no quality of life I plan to use one of those countries that help people. I don’t think there’s anywhere in the states that allows for this yet.

Since ive decided I’m going to live like I don’t have this I actually made plans to hang out with friends next weekend and looked up stuff for my possible new specialty.


I really appreciate everyone here who was supportive and didn’t get offended by me speaking the truth. I know this is the only way I have any chance of having a future. I mean it really changes nothing.

Daisycat I'm just curious... what is your job? And remember, employers cannot terminate you because you have an illness. I went through that process when I was diagnosed. My employer accommodated me by creating a new position for me. I had been employed there for 16 years at the time and I continued to work until my 28th year with the company. There are laws to protect you. I'm also interested in the "specialty" you mention. Whatever you decide, remember.. your life is NOT over. If you honestly believe it is... then seek help.

[Daisycat]

I’m the lead surgical tech at a vet clinic. There’s no “new position”. Either I can take care of animals or I can’t. The specialty is specializing in certain areas of veterinary medicine. I was going to do surgery but that’s done with.



Im thinking of just doing general specialty (honestly mostly for the raise since one of my bucket list items involves a trip to Germany)


and my life is not over today but as soon as I progress to the point to where I have to deal with this every day it is. I’ve made peace with it and have my end of life plan in order. Only thing that sucks is it takes 2-3 months to get all the stuff final but knowing I have that gives me so much peace.


And if I’m a danger to my patients I deserve to be fired honestly.... but like I said as far as I’m concerned I don’t have this. That’s the only way I’ll make it for however long the universe wants me to live for.

[Mamabug]

Mama bug I can’t relate to you because being happy with this will never happen:

The advice to accept this curse isn’t going to happen. I wanted a better life than this hell would offer.

Hmmm. I wonder how choosing not to accept this is reality will contribute to a better life. Does an ostrich have a better life because it buries its head in the sand?

I wanted a better life too. But your solution appears to contribute to your unhappiness. Not to a better life.

I simply advocate accepting that there are some things that you can't change. I don't advocate liking MS. I certainly don't like that I have MS. But I've accepted it. And, I change what I can by taking my meds, eating a healthy diet, exercising, enjoying the blessings that still occur in my life.

And, yes -- grieving the losses. But not wallowing in them endlessly. The biggest result of that is that I would be negatively affected by my choice to nurture a bad attitude. I don't choose to live my life that way.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.