questions and how do people deal with this?

[Mamabug]

...
To all of you that can move on and be happy again after this curse you are a better person and stronger than me...

We're not better or stronger. We just made a different choice than you did. Not accepting this is a choice that hurts you. Choosing to remain unhappy for the rest of your life is a choice.

If you are unable to currently move beyond these choices, try some stress management techniques. Choose multiple ideas, not only one. Consider therapy. Many of us have been discouraged too and we benefited from reaching out to someone who could help.

You are making a choice. You've wasted a year. Only you can decide how much more time you choose to waste.

I lost 3 jobs in six years, because of health. I grieved each loss, but chose not to wallow and get stuck there. I went out and got another job. When that was no longer possible, I grieved some more, applied for ssdi and found new interests and activities to occupy my time.

You are diagnosed more than 15 years later than I was. You have more options and there are more frequent hopeful outcomes now.

That, no matter what you believe, is a blessing. Thank the universe for it and reach out for help so you can move on.

We're not better or stronger. We just made a different choice than you did.

[Daisycat]

When someone is unhappy they usually can do something to fix the thing making them unhappy. I cannot do anything to get rid of the curse making me unhappy. No matter what I do it will always be here counting down the seconds till it strikes again.

I have considered therapy, but I am not big on the idea of talking to someone who really doesn’t give two cents about me and is only there for my money. And it is not like talking to them is going to fix anything. I am still going to have this curse and still everyday am going to be moving closer to when I can no longer care for myself. This might be 30 years from now but I am NOT ok with being a burden on my boyfriend or living in an assisted living facility.

[Mamabug]

When someone is unhappy they usually can do something to fix the thing making them unhappy. I cannot do anything to get rid of the curse making me unhappy.

The curse that is "making" you unhappy is your perspective. And, yes. Talking to a therapist can change that.

I disagree with you that they don't care. Most therapists would not have chosen that profession if they didn't care about others.

But that's irrelevant. I didn't pay my therapist to care. I paid her to help me to manage my emotions, deal with my stress and to help me to make decisions that would contribute to living a functional, meaningful and happy life.

You've spent many pages articulating your choice. I'm guessing that it hasn't helped. Maybe it's time for you to make a choice that can change things.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the wisdom to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

You don't have the ability to change that you have MS. You do have the ability to begin the hard work of changing your perspective and your current and future happiness. Whether you will have wisdom is up to you.

[Myoak]

Daisycat, a word of a practical nature... are you up for a boost in endorphins?

I believe LDN is something that might be a huge benefit. There are many, many pwMS taking LDN, Low Dose Naltrexone.

In the LDN thread you can find this research by Dr. Anthony Turel at Penn State. Quoting a bit…

“The medical records of 215 MS patients, aged 18 to 65 years, seen in the MS clinic for a 7-year period (January 01, 2005 to May 31, 2012) and prescribed 3.5 mg LDN, orally, once daily, served as the study group.

Most of the MS patients began LDN therapy because of fatigue. Nearly 60% (n = 128) of patients receiving LDN for any period of time reported a reduction in fatigue with LDN therapy… Regarding their quality of life and the perception of LDN's effects on MS, 130 patients (60%) stated that LDN stabilized or improved their disease and 75% of the patients reported improved or stabilized quality of life.”

Smalltowngirl, you are so welcome. I don’t recall who had that Charles Darwin quote lately, but to paraphrase… 'it isn’t the strongest or the smartest, but those who adopt who survive'… and flourish, I might add.

Do you recall poet, philosopher, and peacemaker, Mattie Stepanek? He died shortly before his 14th birthday in 2004. He said so many notable and inspiring things but something I really love is, “Remember to play after every storm.”

[Daisycat]

What is making me unhappy is I have had my future ripped from me. I HATE people who still have a future more and more every day. I shouldn't have to deal with this curse. I did nothing to deserve having my entire future and life broken into a trillion pieces. (not that anyone did anything to deserve this h3ll).

And I remember that saying... I just cannot accept this curse and what a future with it means. I will wait until I see if my 0.0001% dream of this being wrong comes true before I abandon all hope. I see how people talk about their life with this curse. I just cannot be happy living like that. I enjoy my freedom and independence way to much.

[Jules A]

I am still going to have this curse and still everyday am going to be moving closer to when I can no longer care for myself. This might be 30 years from now but I am NOT ok with being a burden on my boyfriend or living in an assisted living facility.

Welcome to the human race. We are all moving closer to when we can no longer care for ourselves if we live long enough. Same for people without MS in most cases 30 or so years down the road someone will likely be in need of care from their partner or an assisted living facility. Thats kind of how this lifetime goes. You struggle to grow up, work your arse off, then your health hits the can and at some point you croak. No escaping that even if you never have a major health crisis.

[Daisycat]

Most people don’t have the added worry of being blind and paralyzed. I just can’t deal with this. I’m not strong enough. Spending time researching anything else it could be. I’m looking into Lyme disease. I’ve read if you are tested at the wrong time it’ll be a false negative. While Lyme disease isn’t a picnic I’d rather have something with a cure and a hope for a future

[Mamabug]

What is making me unhappy is I have had my future ripped from me...

Perspective. Your future was not ripped from you; it was changed. We think. At this point, we don't even know that for sure.

I enjoy my freedom and independence way to much.

Perspective. You don't appear to "enjoy" your freedom or Independence at all. You are currently free. You are currently independent. Yet, I sense no "enjoyment" of either.

It's a choice.

Reminder: The curse that is making you unhappy is your perspective about your future and your response to the present; you can change that.

[Daisycat]

If by changed you mean ripped apart and destroyed sure I can see that. It went from being something that gave me hope to something I cry about every night. And no I’m not free... my brain and body and in prison for life by this curse that can torture me in any way it sees fit. My future is making me miserable and I never see it getting better unless they did misdiagnose me. I’m not ok living with this. I’m just not and nothing is ever going to make it ok. I’ve lost everything I care about because of this and I haven’t been truly happy and not the fake happy In over 11 months.

[Daisycat]

I realize more and more I don’t want to accept this. I don’t want to be ok that I’m cursed to have a rotting brain. I want the future I had planned. I should be planning to apply for my specialty this year instead of taking off the week anniversary of when I died. My plans are to binge watch 2 Netflix shows and cry. I’m hoping by then I’ll have got the news that this wAs all a cruel joke and it really was b12. I can then get enough money to retire and be left alone by all the fake people who couldn’t be bothered to ask if I was ok when I dropped out of their life. I’ll have my dog, cat, boyfriend, and dog farm. And it’ll be like I’m being given a second chance at life. I know if the curse really is what’s wrong this life is over. I’ll have to hope my cousin really is right and we come back. Although she also has strong ideas about people who end their own life so there’s that. I’m just hoping my 0.00001% shot at happiness happens.

[Mamabug]

What is ripped apart?
Why do you choose to cry every night?
Why do you choose to give up your freedom and sentence your busy and brain to prison?
Why do you choose to remain unhappy?

You are giving MS way too much power. We are not better or stronger than you are. But you are choosing to allow MS to be stronger than you.

I've made a different choice. I've been through a major depression with MS. I couldn't work, I couldn't talk to my friends, I couldn't cook meals or take care of the house. I couldn't even watch TV. I chose to sit in the recliner and listen to the radio. For three months.

Except when my husband dragged me to church once a week. Except when I attended (but didn't participate in) my small group. Except when hubby dragged me, first to the therapist and then the psychiatrist.

But I let him drag me. I took my antidepressants. I got better. And my life went on. MS was only part if the reason for my depression. But the other reasons we're related to specific, additional losses triggered by it.

I got better. And life went on. I've had more losses, more discouragement. But no more depression. That was almost 15 years ago.

Sometimes life is hard. But it's not ripped apart. It's not destroyed. I've had to change my dreams. So, yeah. My life is changed.

I wasted 3 months. I've had MS since 2002. I could have wasted 16 years. I made a different choice. And it has included blessings.

It's up to you what choice you make.

Your future is not making you miserable. Your choices are. You acknowledge that you are choosing not to accept this. That is hurting you.

[Daisycat]

My future is ripped apart. I’ll never be a specialty surgery tech. I won’t pay off my student loan debt in 5 years and start saving for my dog farm (I mean rescue:/), I won’t get to travel the world, I won’t get to go to all the different ce conferences I had planned , I can’t get all the piercings I wAnted since having Them ripped out during an mri= my nightmare. Most of them take awhile to heal so I can’t put them back in. This curse sentenced my body and brain to prison. I just don’t know how long I’ll be here before my “death date”. The day I am paralyzed and blind. At least I have the no life support thing in place now. This h3ll is stronger than me. It’s taken so much from me already and still is threatening to take so much more. This is my day. Get up 545 go to work. Leave at 3 assuming there’s no emergency surgery. Go home and shower. Start my nightly pills until I am numb and stop crying. Look up what Netflix show to watch next. I really don’t care to leave my couch ever. I’m debating on if I’m going to this yearly event that is basically “my Christmas “. -a friends words. I just don’t see the point. I have no future and that is what is making me miserable and sad.

[Daisycat]

And a future where I’m a cripple who can’t remember my name isn’t a future. All this curse promises is pain and sadness

[Myoak]

My future is ripped apart... I have no future and that is what is making me miserable and sad.

No one knows the future. No one can predict the future accurately, including you, including me, including everyone.

Some pwMS do badly, some pwMS do exceedingly well. Is it rational to believe you will become blind and paralyzed when you don't know the future and, like everyone else, cannot accurately predict what it will be?

How can an unknown future that has not happened make you miserable today? Should it? Why?

Why should an unknown future make you sad when you don't know what it will be?

[Daisycat]

A future where I have ti use a cane some days or where my brain doesn’t function right some days is not one I want to be part of. A future where people question everything I do because my mind is so far gone is not one for me. The ONLY way that I have a purpose in life and a reason to live is if I am one of the few who have the benign curse and never have a problem again or if I am lucky and this is a misdiagnosis otherwise I do not belong in this world because I will never be happy again. I already get beyond angry if someone (who doesn’t even know) questions something I say/do because I feel they are implying I am stupid now. I can only imagine how angry I would be if everyone had to know.