How much to discuss MS?

[Deannachuil]

Hi Folks. Long time. No write. Tough day.

I had my annual evaluation by my boss today. Among other things he said that were troubling, he suggested I let my co-workers know when I'm having a tough MS day. I asked him why I would do that. He said it would give people an answer to why I keep to myself on some days and it would give them an opportunity to "help" me. He said it would be good to be more transparent about my illness. And, he asked me if I ever had days that MS kept me from doing what I needed or wanted to do. I said,"Every day. I want to go running again. I want to be in century bike races again. I want to wake up in the morning and feel rested. As far as my job duties go, I make sure they are fulfilled."

This conversation came on the heels of being awarded a national award for my job performance. He said the award is "tarnished" because I have personnel issues "at my end of the building". I do not deny it was a year of multiple super great things and a year of super difficult things that were impossible to foresee.

It was ALL I could do to not cry in front of him! I'm so sad. Just sad. I've NEVER had an evaluation before that was remotely like this.

Does MS affect me? Yes. Did it affect me this year (I'm an educator). Yes. Does MS define me? I wonder.

So sad. So tired.

[hunterd]

it is not as if you are telling your coworkers you have a headache in hopes that someone may have a couple aspirin. You do not have to disclose your medical conditions. That is purely a personal decision and it is completely up to you.and I am completely in shock over his treatment about your award! All I can say is CONGRATULATIONS!

[Robbie67]

CONGRATES FOR A JOB WELL DONE!!! feel proud of what u done!!!! God bless and keep ur chin up!

[MSW1963]

First and foremost...

CONGRATULATIONS! Second, I can't imagine a boss presenting an award for your excellent job performance, then critizing you out of the other side of her/his mouth. If your healthy co-workers could achieve recognition for exempelary job performance versus you with the many challanges that come with MS to overcome, double, tripple, quadrouple CONGRATULATIONS.

Discussing the most private details concerning your health in general much less MS in particular with co-workers? I'm concerned about your bosses competency for managing people.

I'm no big fan of the trend/tactic toward near intrusive levels of 'warm and fuzy' that have become the expectation in the work place. I believe it's promoted as a no cost fix to 'compensate' for other problems that exist in the work place.

You should be permitted to report to work, perform at a superior level, and leave at the end of each day knowing you did your best for the organization, and treated co-workers respectfuly even if it's respect at a distance you need to maintain focus and level of performance.

If this is backlash for not meeting the 'warm/fuzy' expectations, you may need to figure out how to overcome that. But disclosing/discussing your MS is crossing the line in my opinion. Donuts or other treats on monday or friday mornings is closer to the fix I'd have in mind.

Sorry, got kinda furious there for a moment. Best of luck and congrats on a job well done.

[candycane]

What does he mean "tarnished?"
Grrrrrrr
I'm speechless.
Congrats though

[KatieAgain]

Hi Folks. Long time. No write. Tough day.

I had my annual evaluation by my boss today. Among other things he said that were troubling, he suggested I let my co-workers know when I'm having a tough MS day. I asked him why I would do that. He said it would give people an answer to why I keep to myself on some days and it would give them an opportunity to "help" me. He said it would be good to be more transparent about my illness. And, he asked me if I ever had days that MS kept me from doing what I needed or wanted to do. I said,"Every day. I want to go running again. I want to be in century bike races again. I want to wake up in the morning and feel rested. As far as my job duties go, I make sure they are fulfilled."

This conversation came on the heels of being awarded a national award for my job performance. He said the award is "tarnished" because I have personnel issues "at my end of the building". I do not deny it was a year of multiple super great things and a year of super difficult things that were impossible to foresee.

It was ALL I could do to not cry in front of him! I'm so sad. Just sad. I've NEVER had an evaluation before that was remotely like this.

Does MS affect me? Yes. Did it affect me this year (I'm an educator). Yes. Does MS define me? I wonder.

So sad. So tired.

As a seasoned HR person for the military/Government, I would like to commend you on your exceptional answer concerning if MS was keeping you from doing anything. You might not know it, but your boss was "baiting and fishing", whether you think so or not. And he did not catch a darn thing...good for you. You handled yourself very well.

My opinion is MS should remain as private as possible at work...even with visible symptoms...act like all is good.

Additionally your award can only be "tarnished" if you allow it to be. As I said in another post...don't let someone else ruin your moment.

[JerryD]

Congratulations on your achievement award. Apparently, the award doesn't, clearly, convince your superior of your quality. I suspect that your boss has some ulterior motive for questioning your job performance.
I would get a copy of your review for your protection. And I suggest that you begin keeping a journal of your job related tasks and so forth. I suggest that you keep detailed records.
I did exactly that to my boss after my last review and by doing that my boss, kind of, saw that I was 'building a case' for 'wrongful termination'. I want you to protect yourself, as best you can. Good luck

[MSW1963]

I agree with KatieAgain, alterior motives may be a more accurate explanation for your boss' behavior. The 'fishing' expidition for personal info is a plausible explanation as well.

That stabbing pain in the center of your back may not be your MS after all.

[pennstater]

It does seem like your boss may have been digging where he had no business. As long as you are professional with your colleagues, that is all you owe them.

The less discussed in the workplace, the better. If you need assistance on a bad day, that's one thing. But just to let colleagues know it's not a great day, why would he feel you need to do that? I worry that it would be to watch your performance more closely those days.

You did give him a fantastic answer - assurance that your job is always done. Very quick thinking. Congrats on the award.

[Deannachuil]

Thank you!

Whew! Thank you for your words and encouragement! My boss apologized today. I accepted his apology. I know he means well. Most of the time.

Until folks walk with chronic illness, it's very difficult to understand why it's so personal to share what is happening today with one's body. The intricate dance continues as we try to balance acceptance of MS, staying strong, and self-care.

It struck me today that I don't want someone else to tell me to stop working because of my health. I don't know how much longer I can be a middle school principal, but I know that I will be the one who gets to say,"Today, I can be done. My body is telling me so." And, in that way I hope I am honoring my calling, my body, my health, and my friends and family.

So, Friends, again I say, "THANK YOU!" Stay strong. Have courage.

[Jules A]

CONGRATULATIONS! Second, I can't imagine a boss presenting an award for your excellent job performance, then critizing you out of the other side of her/his mouth. If your healthy co-workers could achieve recognition for exempelary job performance versus you with the many challanges that come with MS to overcome, double, tripple, quadrouple CONGRATULATIONS.

I agree many congratulations!! I was glad to read in your update that your boss apologized and you accepted the apology.

[naphappy]

Wow!

My mind was spinning as I was reading down through your thread and the replies.

I am not a principal, but I teach primary aged children.

Many in my district know of my MS including some administration.

My closest teaching partners and my immediate principal have been very supportive.

I am very please with the clear, well thought out, and poised answer that you gave your administrator. I am fairly certain that I would have become emotional and not would not have been able to speak as well as you did.
I am sure that the way you handled the questions gave him pause for thought and feed his need to offer the apology.

I truly understand your emotional struggle with when to decide enough is enough. Currently, I am battling the advice of my neuro, 2 PTs, and my neuro op. about quitting.

Like you, I want to be the one to decide.

Perhaps it is grasping at some kind of control.

Thank you for sharing your conversation. And congratulations on your recognition. In an age when education is scapegoated, it is refreshing to you are valued for your passion.

Continued Success!

[suziq38]

He is wrong and and @$$.

I am also a teacher. I have decided to tell no one unless I have to. I don't have MS at this time, but my MS doctors suspect that it may be a possibility.

They had diagnosed me with Transverse Myelitis for now.

Telling everyone, including your boss, is a personal decision.
I don't need people suggesting that I can't do my job at this time, and neither do you.

I would rather attribute it to my being tired, as many people are at various times.

The less said, the better.
Ask him to keep his mouth shut, if you want.