I can't believe its come to this! :[

[Luv2Worship]

As if having MS wasn't bad enough, I also am dealing with my husbands drug/alcohol addiction! He has become so disconnected from me, he moved into the garage supposedly because he has trouble sleeping and didn't want to disturb me. He has difficultly sleeping because he is high/drunk constantly! While he has never hit me, the emotional/verbal abuse has really taken a toll on my health and I am now having to always use my wheelchair.


Whenever I try to talk to him about how I feel he immediately gets on the defensive and tells me that if I have a problem with him then maybe I should "get off my lazy, *** and get a job!" Seriously, thats what your gonna say to me? I'M IN A WHEELCHAIR 24/7!! I have friends who are perfectly healthy and better qualified then me and THEY can't get work! I miss working. I've held down a job since I was 16 and its awful sitting at home all day!

I've been seeing a psychologist and I told him I had been in contact with our local womens shelter to see what my option are because I don't want to deal with this abuse any longer and they said they would issue a temp. restraining order and he would have to move out [not only does he live in the garage, he has built a room totally out of cardboard IN the garage!] while he agreed that it was a good idea, he said that from his experience a judge probably wouldn't grant me a long term order because my husband has not been physically abusive and although I am in a wheelchair, I am fully able to find means to take care of myself [ie, friends/family]

So unless I want to leave my home and find a place to live or I stay here and wait for him to go off and hit me, I'm screwed just because I don't look the part of an abused woman. HE'S the one who has basically moved out already, our daughter and I actually LIVE in the house!

THIS SUCKS!!!

[Tomjadg]

I'm not quite sure why you would want to stay with a drunk/druggie.

He will not get help until HE wants it. There is no reason for you to live like this.
Good luck.

[Luv2Worship]

I don't want to live with this, believe me but I don't feel I should have to leave my home. He's the one who is living in the garage, why should I have to risk becoming homeless? This is what I'm struggling with right now.

[durgastiger]

@Luv

What state do you live in?

Contact a Social service rep. specific to disabilities.

Alcoholics & hard drug users rarely get help before it escalated to the extreme usually harming themselves or others.

Get your options ready and study up on some self defense from youtube

Are the police,legal authorities and family aware of your situation?

Stay alert, be aware and expect the unexpected and remember breathe deep and be in the moment always sending positive energy.

[jessiesmom]

Help for Abused Women

You certainly sound like you are in a very difficult situation. Have you contacted the Women's Shelter Program of San Luis Obispo County? I assume that is the shelter you referred to in your post. They can provide counseling, legal assistance, case management, safety plans, emergency shelter as well as housing services. Their website (www.womensshelterslo.org) has a wealth of useful information. They can also be reached 24 hours a day by phone at (805) 781-6400.

Your psychologist is most definitely not the appropriate professional to be giving you legal advice. Perhaps the shelter can refer you to or even has an attorney on staff who can advise you. Perhaps even the Southern California/Nevada chapter of the NMSS might be able to point you in the right direction. While the psychologist might be familiar with the local court system, he is NOT a lawyer.

I wish you the best of luck.

[Fed Up]

Are shelters handicap accessible?

People remain in difficult situations, due to the economy.

He surely did not become an addict today. HE needs to get some help. It won't be until he reaches, rock bottom, until he will see the need.

I would think, Requesting a Divorce, would be a first step. There is nothing you can do, to help him. So, help yourself and your daughter.

Seems odd, you focus on YOUR being homeless. Tell him to leave...or, ask!

Regardless, his addictions are causing serious problems in the home and whatever he is doing in the garage, he can do elsewhere.

You can't save him and you need to save yourself and your daughter. It seems odd, you focus on your being homeless.

Regardless, you are in an extremely difficult situation and I surely feel your pain and glad you have the help and support from friends and family.

Life is most difficult enough for you, even without him. Sending some kind wishes and warm support for you. fed

[Jules A]

I don't want to live with this, believe me but I don't feel I should have to leave my home. He's the one who is living in the garage, why should I have to risk becoming homeless? This is what I'm struggling with right now.

I understand that you don't want to leave your home but is it worth it to live like this?

I'm sure this situation didn't evolve overnight and while I do think seeking legal advice is important continuing to see your psychologist for coping skills and insight into why you have been willing to live with this abuse is important also, imo.

Best of luck to you.

[maitrimama]

Drug & Alcohol Addiction are Diseases

It sounds as if you are in an intolerable position and the sooner you can get help the better. The California Judicial system has a good website with information on domestic abuse and harassment with contact phone numbers and resources.
http://www.courts.ca.gov/selfhelp-domesticviolence.htm

The elephant in the room is that both Alcoholism and Drug Addiction are both diseases (and if you have respect for Mayo Clinic those drugs include Marijuana). Addiction also often goes hand in hand with Mental Illness - all being often invisible to outsiders. I think those with MS and/or in Limbo can relate to the invisible part of it.

The MOST important thing if for you and your daughter to be safe! And then hopefully your husband can get (and be ready to receive) help. Al-Anon is also a good place for you to go for support. Good luck - M

[Luv2Worship]

Thank you everyone for your advice. Yes, I am meeting with someone from my local womens shelter tomorrow. You know the saying we have that "you don't GET MS until you GET MS", well, being in an abusive situation is the same thing. I am a strong, independent woman but I have succumb to the very same emotionally destructive lies that so many women do. I actually credit having MS as the reason for my strength! That and "I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength"!!

My cup runneth over, believe me! We have 3 amazing children, a beautiful DIL and the most precious grand daughter ever! He sees his cup drained dry, no hope, whoa is me, kinda like Eeyore!


I think this is what is really sad, the homes that the shelter has are completely full, so I wouldn't have a place to go. Again, he's the one who has moved out of the house and into a card board room inside the garage! This is the home that my daughter and I live in, take care of and laugh in so I'm not leaving!

[Jules A]

This is the home that my daughter and I live in, take care of and laugh in so I'm not leaving!

I love that MS has given you strength, wish you the best and hope you continue with therapy.

Perhaps you can start making other arrangements like selling the house so you can live independently with dignity. Hanging on because of the principle of the matter isn't always the best strategy, imo.

[Sara Angela]

I'm sorry for what you are going through!

You might want to contact the National MS Society 1-800-344-4867. Maybe, they can help as well!

Sara

[hobbit]

Been there, done that

Only difference being, I walked away with a fractured cheekbone, broken nose, fractured ribs and a shattered tailbone (not a ringing endorsement for steel toed boots). I recommend that you get a court order of protection because of threats made to you, stress that being disabled you are unable to protect yourself or your child. An addict is unpredictable, he may decide to hurt your child to hurt you. The court order should give you the option of having him removed from the house so you and your child can stay there. THIS IN NO WAY WILL PROTECT YOU FROM RETALIATION. I know because this is what I did and he set the house on fire nearly killing me and my children. Work with an agency that will work out a plan to help remove you safely from the house, perhaps place you in low income housing. You are not alone.

[Cat Mom]

Just a thought but can you have him removed on the basis of his living in a cardboard box in the garage being a fire hazard? Or just that he lives in the garage? Coupled with an alcahol and drug addiction, it's a recipe for disaster.

Somewhere there just has to be some loophole or law that would benefit you and your daughter. Please keep us posted, I wish you luck, stay safe!
Jen

[Camsue]

I suggest you get an immediate temporary restraining order and get him out now..you are enabling him to stay the way he is (been there done that) He is causing harm to you and your family by doing drugs in your home (and the verbal abuse effect on your health). There will be a court date set to hear a more permanent order.

You should start attending Alanon. It is for families with drug/alcohol problems. They will help you discover how to help him when he's ready and not enable him when he's not. Encourage him to get into a rehab center..He probably won't go until he hits rock bottom, but you don't want to go down with him...you can be the life perserver on his way back up from the bottom..

Best of luck