How do you manage your day to day chores?!

[DianeD]

It's never done!

Me? I'm afraid I'll wind up on Hoarders. I can do one "big" job a day. I try to do small stuff every time I enter or exit a room.

You can get quite a bit done, but it's NEVER done, and it makes me so tired.

Standards have definitely fallen, but that really can't be helped.

I miss sitting down and enjoying knowing everything was sparkly clean.

It's so true that 'it's never done'. I found that to be true even before MS.

With MS I have come to realize I have to learn to settle, because even though I used to think that I'd just get my energy back another day, it doesn't ever work that way. So I learned to live with it and do a bit at a time. MS sure helps you learn patience.

My big thing just now is getting rid of stuff. Everytime i see the show 'Hoarders' on tv, I start to plan. I'd just die if I lived like those poor souls do. I have taught myself to NOT be so attached to things that I cannot part with them. I don't spend a lot of time thinking about it anymore; i just fold it up, pack it up, or in other ways make the stuff presentable and donate it. This is my current objective. MS slows down how I get around to doing it, but I don't lose site of the objective. I keep a few donor bags around and when I find something expendable I just put it in the appropriate bag.

Junk makes for a lot of extra clean-up, so I set my sights on making less work for me by making more empty space.

My DH helps out with the day to day cleaning. I do what I can when I can.

Diane

[baydenoc]

22cyclist

I do understand and agree. I don't know your age or how long you have been disabled. You seem to deal with your MS with much grace and dignity.
I don't know what I want or need. Just trying to deal with the loss of my life

I was a Police Officer before I was a nurse. Fisher woman Hiker/backpacker, camper. Never wanted to retire because working afforded me the ability to financially do what I enjoyed.

Now my spare money goes to pay medical bills while I either sleep my life away or be a couch potato. This to me is not living.

I pray daily for answers. Give my life new purpose. How does everyone deal with this? Maybe that's what I am looking for here

Please accept my sincere apology if I have offended anyone.

Baydenoc

[onlyairfare]

Baydenoc I think you are just expressing the feelings most of us have, whatever our current limitations are.

I'm doing pretty well, ambulatory, work full time at a job I love but there is still a bunch of stuff I have to deal with that I don't like. And yes, one of them is that a lot of my formerly "disposable income" now pays medical bills.

Used to hike, ski, bike ride, take dance classes, dance a lot in my spare time.

Now I read a lot. I did find "5Rhythms" and other versions of shamanic healing dance that I can do. No exact steps to follow, nobody else minds if you need to sit down in the middle for a few minutes and rest.

In the recent news stories about the Post Office stopping Saturday deliveries, I read one newspaper column by a woman who writes at least 2 letters a day and sends them out by snail mail. I think that is a good idea, and I am going to start on it but I will commit myself to one letter per week to begin with.

[Debby]

Lisa...I haven't had the bone-deep fatigue you experience for at least 5 years. I understand it, but being in a different place now health-wise it is easy to forget. Sorry if I offended you in any way. Wish you didn't have to go through so many challenges.

OnlyAirRe...you and I seem like two peas in a pod! I think we understand each other well!

Thanks everyone...this has been a most enlightening discussion, and I appreciate opinions from all ends of the spectrum...keeps me open-minded and empathetic to those of you suffering much more than I.

[22cyclist]

I do understand and agree. I don't know your age or how long you have been disabled. You seem to deal with your MS with much grace and dignity.
I don't know what I want or need. Just trying to deal with the loss of my life

I was a Police Officer before I was a nurse. Fisher woman Hiker/backpacker, camper. Never wanted to retire because working afforded me the ability to financially do what I enjoyed.

Now my spare money goes to pay medical bills while I either sleep my life away or be a couch potato. This to me is not living.

I pray daily for answers. Give my life new purpose. How does everyone deal with this? Maybe that's what I am looking for here

Please accept my sincere apology if I have offended anyone.

Baydenoc

Baydenoc:
I am 42 years old, I miss nursing too. Now I do well to keep house and cook. Some days or weeks I am worthless. I sleep the whole day. I miss appointments, just can't do it because of the fatigue. If I fight it I get very dizzy and have been known to pass out. No fun.

I used to be a runner, and then I went to an avid cyclist with my husband. Now I can do neither. Some days I feel absolutely unnecessary too. Most days I tell myself that I am still lovable no matter what my health status, and my hubby reinforces that. I watch mindless TV. I love hockey, so I watch that when it is on. It is all mostly distraction, but it works. My husband is a surgeon where I used to work, so I get to catch up on all of the gossip at night.

My friends come to visit me, and when I feel like it, we go out for lunch. I am also very busy with appointments OT/PT/Speech.

You are still the same person you always were, just a little slower. And you are necessary. So hang in there, OK?

Lisa
Moderation Team

[Debby]

Baydenoc...I'll tell you something that has worked for me, and maybe it will help you too - if not just discard it and move on to something that will.

Service to others has given me great purpose, and lifted my spirits more than anything else. I'm not talking about a permanent volunteering position, because I couldn't commit to something like that at this point. I mean seeing a need, and meeting it. Seeing needs takes some work, but once you start really paying attention, they are all around you. I believe, with all my heart, that getting out of yourself can improve your own life in EVERY way!

Some examples from my own life are...my elderly neighbor had knee surgery that went bad, and he was confined to a wheelchair. His wife couldn't get him in or out of the house and was upset and frustrated. I called some people from church who have "skills", enlisted my husband's help, and within 2 days some great men built a ramp in their garage! Now he can get out for a drive, for doctor appointments, etc.

Another friend was really sick and couldn't do her daily "stuff", so when I made dinner for my family, I doubled it, and took dinner to hers as well. I did some of her laundry (she was embarrassed, but couldn't deny the need) tidied her house, and picked her kid's up at the bus stop.

Our next door neighbor is a single Mom, and winter was coming. Knowing she has a fireplace she often uses for heating her home, I again organized a group of men from church to bring wood for cutting, and they chopped more firewood than she could use in a single winter. She was so grateful, and threw her boys out the back door so they could help too!

Sometimes just a note or a phone call can make all the difference in the world! When I was down for 4 1/2 years, couldn't leave my house because of a health crisis, I became very depressed and was so isolated. A sweet lady I know who is now 95 years old, began to write me a letter once or twice a week. They meant more than I can ever say, to know someone cared, missed me, and recognized my value. I am better today for the "most" part, but she still writes me every week, and do you know, the stack of letters from this beautiful woman is literally 3 feet high!!! (NOT an exaggeration...we measured it!). There were times when her kind words in those letters were THE ONLY thing that pulled me through...and she had complete faith that this time would come to an end and I would be healed from those problems, and she was right!

Reaching out to others is the most fulfilling experience. Not only do you help someone in need, but it fills a void inside you that you may not even have been aware of yourself. It does something wonderful to you emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually.

Service to others also gives you a different perspective about your own problems when you see that others are suffering too, some far worse than ourselves. It gives you greater love, empathy and compassion for others, makes you more patient.

There is much we can do for others if we keep our eyes open and actively "look" for things they might need. The tricky part is deciphering their true needs, not what we may "think" they need. My husband helped me better understand this principle when he told about one of his EMT calls...a man was having a seizure, and the man's poor wife, desperate to do "something", gave him CPR. His problem was not cardiac! He had a seizure disorder! So we need to give what is needful!

Hope this helps...and on the flip side, it is humbling to be gracious (eliminating pride) when WE are the ones being served...but I cannot deny someone the joy of serving because I know how powerful it is.

[fishead]

Debby,

Leaving my two-cents-worth=

I too, used to be a clean freak. It took me about 7 years to realise that I had to let go of that thought. I now (and I see others do this too) have ONE large task I do each day (only one) and everything else is "a little bit here and there". By the end of the week everything does get done, but dang I am glad I DONT work any longer, as it takes my whole week to get my "house hold chores" done.

Debby, hun, it is not a change that you can make over-night. But know it CAN be achieved.

Good luck!

[onlyairfare]

Debby, you're right, we think alike. When we help others it helps us. We get out of ourselves, and we see how much harder it can be for others, so it helps me to remember that "gratitude thing."

At the moment I am working for the Navajo Nation and though we are renting that small place in town, I am out on the reservation quite a bit. Probably one-third of the "homes" there do not have plumbing or electricity. People still haul water and chop wood for both heat and for cooking on their wood stove. Medications requiring refrigeration just can't happen.

I also sometimes volunteer overseas in the Third World, where it is much worse. I always receive much more than I give, and it reminds me of how lucky I really am. And you certainly don't have to go overseas for that - as you demonstrate by helping your neighbors, and them helping you when you need it.

[DianeD]

some days I do and somedays I don't

OKAY TODAY I'M USING ALL CAPS. I FIND DUE TO NUMBNESS, I KEEP HITTING THE CAPS KEY EVERY TIME I STRETCH FOR LETTER 'A'. SO I'M GIVING IN.

THAT'S KIND OF LIKE HOW I TREAT CLEANING. AT TIMES I IGNORE IT AND HUBBY DOES ALWAYS HELP, BUT OTHERTIMES I PICK ONE THING TO DO. I DO IT WELL, AND IF I STILL FEEL OKAY, I MOVE ON. SOMETIMES IF I'M IN A SITTING MOOD I PICK A JOB THAT I CAN DO SITTING, LIKE SORTING OUT A DRAWER OR SOME OTHER ORGANIZATIONAL JOB. THIS WAY THERE IS SOMETHING TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT AND THINGS GET DONE (ALBEIT SLOWLY). IT HELPS TO THINK 'WHAT'S THE RUSH'; I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE AND DUST WILL STICK AROUND OR COME BACK AGAIN :-)








MY FINGERS GIVE

[Debby]

Only airfare...I served a humanitarian mission in Guatemala...dirt streets, dirt floors in dirt homes. My mission was to teach people how to plant gardens for fresh, healthy food, and how to develop healthy habits that would preserve their health, and the health of their children. The poverty level was unlike anything I'd ever seen before, heartbreaking. And yet, they were some of the happiest and most loving people I'd ever met!

I am blond and fair-skinned, so I was somewhat of a novelty amongst those who had never seen a white person...they would often touch my face and arms, wondering at my fair skin. I had some amazing and wild experiences there, including being held at gunpoint while everyone on the bus I was on was robbed, and the driver shot in the back of the head. I also contracted typhoid fever...the woman who prepared our food thought if the water was "steaming" that was good enough - she could not understand the need for BOILING the water!

What countries did you go to? What was your purpose there? I love serving anywhere, anytime...however, there are needs all around us without having to leave the country!

My daughter is going to Peru this summer on a humanitarian mission to build schools in a poverty-stricken area of Lima. She is very excited! The apple doesn't fall far from the tree!

[Debby]

Diane, I've done the same thing...one project at a time, done well. It always helps to feel good about an accomplishment...and helps to motivate me towards the next project! For me, it's all about pacing myself...except for those few times when I feel so good I go way overboard! Thanks for sharing! Btw, I HATE dusting!

[onlyairfare]

Debby, I've worked in Ecuador, Ghana, Afghanistan and post-Katrina Plaquemines Parish, Louisiana (which at the time was pretty much Third World).

I've worked in various health and health education capacities, including a 3 month stint as a hospital administrator in Kabul. I did some market research in Kabul too, for LeapFrog, the children's computer toy company. They were developing their LeapPad "talking books" in Dari, the local language. One was on child safety and one on children's health.

I hired 3 (male) medical students to help me - one each to video, to take notes, and to translate. We interviewed mothers, but of course in that culture men and women who are not related do not talk to each other or meet in "mixed company," so I as a woman kind of talked to them, saying in English what the male translator behind me said to them in Dari!

Normally in that type of market research, the video would be very important to catch facial expressions and non-verbal cues. But since the women all wore burkas covering their faces and most of their bodies, the video was not as helpful as LeapFrog might have wished.

Still the project was successful, and tens of thousands of those LeapPads were distributed to Afghan families through a US governmental entity, probably USAID. Since many people especially most women in Afghanistan are illiterate, the parents liked the "talking books" as much as the kids.

And as a bit of a coincidence, I just applied today to do an aid trip to Guatemala. It's a long shot since the trip is early-mid April and it will be hard to get the time off work on such short notice, but I figured it couldn't hurt to try.

[KateA2]

We hired a house-cleaner to come every two weeks to do the floors, tile scrubbing, and all the tasks that require lots of getting down low - as I find these very tiring. I want energy to do fun things instead of spending it on housework.
The house-cleaner (a mellow retired marine in his early 60s) only charges $15/hr so we can afford 4 hours and he's efficient as all get-out

We don't have kids so the house stays reasonably tidy.

[Debby]

Only airfare...you have had some amazing adventures! I would LOVE to do all those things! I'd warn you to be very cautious in Guatemala (if it works out for you), but considering the places you've been, you likely know the drill! I was in the Quetzaltenango area, a mountainous region with active volcanos, afternoon flash floods, warfare guerillas hiding in the mountains who come out in the dark of night and early morning hours creating chaos, murder, kidnapping, stealing, etc. The people are oppressed by the quasi-government that don't want the natives to see there is a better way to live, that there is hope! The government goes to great lengths to prevent progressive learning, even gunning down school teachers in their classrooms right in front of the students, and kidnapping young boys right out of their homes to recruit and indoctrinate them before anyone else has the opportunity to teach them, and taking young girls from their families and putting them into a life of "servitude" to controlling men. It is a harsh life, and was almost unbearable to witness.

I'd love to hear an update from you wherever you go, and to know what you'll be doing there!

KateA2, sorry about the temporary departure from the subject! You are really fortunate to have found someone so reasonably priced who is a hard worker! Wish he made house calls to Virginia...I might just be able to comvince my hubby to swing for $15/hr! Sounds like a dream come true!