Do you ever have moments in your life that come one after the other without time to breath? Last month was as a series of high stress events. I was tired, but hung in there without having to cancel any commitments. And then came the big bomb. After that, it's all been downhill. I'm afraid it's been too much stress for too long for me to snap out of it anytime soon.
I had to discuss with the PT whether or not to renew my MT license because the state has been pressuring me and it had to get done this week. Her feeling was I would not be getting the level of energy and stamina I needed to do the work and carryout my other ADLs, and that the extra physical exertion outside of PT would slow down the progress.
This is hurting on a deeper level than I could have ever imagined. I knew that one day I was going to have to give this up because my hands are showing signs of arthritis. But I wanted it on my terms, when I was ready and not before being prepared for another line of work with a job lined up.
Logically, I know she's right. This isn't going to get better or go away, and the wide swings in scheduling mean one day could book so many clients I end up knocked out for a week or two after. I get too tired to cook and look after the house and family.
Emotionally, this is the only contact I have with real live people face to face. It's the only thing I've ever been very good at. It's flexible enough that I can set my own schedule (within reason) and not have to commute. I was planning on doing this the rest of my life and have little to no interest in doing anything else.
I really love what I do and losing it is losing a big part of who I am. I'm not coping well with this. I new it was coming a few years back, but never dreamed it would be this soon, or this hard.
I keep trying to do the things that help me feel better - music, studying, relaxing, have some tea, self-hypnosis, but I still get this big empty feeling that can't be filled.
I had to discuss with the PT whether or not to renew my MT license because the state has been pressuring me and it had to get done this week. Her feeling was I would not be getting the level of energy and stamina I needed to do the work and carryout my other ADLs, and that the extra physical exertion outside of PT would slow down the progress.
This is hurting on a deeper level than I could have ever imagined. I knew that one day I was going to have to give this up because my hands are showing signs of arthritis. But I wanted it on my terms, when I was ready and not before being prepared for another line of work with a job lined up.
Logically, I know she's right. This isn't going to get better or go away, and the wide swings in scheduling mean one day could book so many clients I end up knocked out for a week or two after. I get too tired to cook and look after the house and family.
Emotionally, this is the only contact I have with real live people face to face. It's the only thing I've ever been very good at. It's flexible enough that I can set my own schedule (within reason) and not have to commute. I was planning on doing this the rest of my life and have little to no interest in doing anything else.
I really love what I do and losing it is losing a big part of who I am. I'm not coping well with this. I new it was coming a few years back, but never dreamed it would be this soon, or this hard.
I keep trying to do the things that help me feel better - music, studying, relaxing, have some tea, self-hypnosis, but I still get this big empty feeling that can't be filled.
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