Having really, really down days lately

[jumpinjiminy]

Do you ever have moments in your life that come one after the other without time to breath? Last month was as a series of high stress events. I was tired, but hung in there without having to cancel any commitments. And then came the big bomb. After that, it's all been downhill. I'm afraid it's been too much stress for too long for me to snap out of it anytime soon.

I had to discuss with the PT whether or not to renew my MT license because the state has been pressuring me and it had to get done this week. Her feeling was I would not be getting the level of energy and stamina I needed to do the work and carryout my other ADLs, and that the extra physical exertion outside of PT would slow down the progress.

This is hurting on a deeper level than I could have ever imagined. I knew that one day I was going to have to give this up because my hands are showing signs of arthritis. But I wanted it on my terms, when I was ready and not before being prepared for another line of work with a job lined up.

Logically, I know she's right. This isn't going to get better or go away, and the wide swings in scheduling mean one day could book so many clients I end up knocked out for a week or two after. I get too tired to cook and look after the house and family.

Emotionally, this is the only contact I have with real live people face to face. It's the only thing I've ever been very good at. It's flexible enough that I can set my own schedule (within reason) and not have to commute. I was planning on doing this the rest of my life and have little to no interest in doing anything else.

I really love what I do and losing it is losing a big part of who I am. I'm not coping well with this. I new it was coming a few years back, but never dreamed it would be this soon, or this hard.

I keep trying to do the things that help me feel better - music, studying, relaxing, have some tea, self-hypnosis, but I still get this big empty feeling that can't be filled.

[CasinoKathy]

Yep, I have those moments too! It's always hard to have to give in/or compromise things because of this disease! Nothing about ms is easy, that's for sure. Here's hopeing things will get easier for you. I know I get sick and tired of having to change how I do things. It's often so hard to be postive, although I know that is what we are suppose to do.

[Thinkimjob]

Oh, do I hear you, jumpinjiminy.

Too much, too soon. I do try to stay positive, really I do, but everything is coming at once. Stress, even crappy disease stress, is bearable if you get time to deal with it.

When it piles up: camels, backs, straws. Start to wonder which straw it will be.

It's not exactly nice, but it is reassuring to know other people feel the same. We're not alone.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

[jumpinjiminy]

Thanks, Cathy, Job. It doesn't help there is no name for what's happening. To others it always looks like laziness, craziness, indecisiveness, lack of judgment and other hurtful labels. Seeing the PT has helped at least that way, since she knows those aren't factors in what's going on. She sees it and she knows. At least there is one other person out there that does.

Looking back on things, it's easy to see where this has popped up and changed the course of my life more than once. I always called it my 'burn out.' :-P Also, looking back on things shows me there has always been something more positive to move onto afterward. Maybe this will lead to something even better? You never know. Maybe there's room out there for another famous (or not so famous) food blogger?

One can look back and feel sorrow for the lost dreams along the way, or one can look back and see how those twisted paths led to today's blessings.

Thanks for the support. It means more than you know sometimes. After pouring all of my energy into studying the last couple of days, things are looking a little better.

[Burtnsienna]

Maybe talking to your boss about working part-time, rather than giving it up all at once. Then slowly find something else to do even if you've never done it before. Everyone needs a goal or interests but your body has to rest too so maybe a little giving up and a little changing.

[kif8skip]

When things happen one after another after another it is really hard to stay positive or forward thinking....

Time will be the magician for you in figuring out what your next steps are ....Glad you wrote for support , it is helpful to know you are not alone and others do care...

Everything always works out one way or another my Grandma always said

[Miss Ginny]

Yes some days all I can do is remind myself to "just breathe" and try not to think of all the stuff that needs done ... stuff that will not get done anytime soon... cause it takes me hours just too wash up a sink full of dishes... cause I got to sit down every few minutes...
I use to compare what I did before to what I am doing now... but it just made it all that harder to want to get outta bed... now I try to find something anything that I accomplish each day that I can smile about...whether it is washing up a sinkfull of dishes or just making a pot of coffee on a bad day too washing up the clothes or vaccuming on a better day...
"just breathe" has become my mantra it keeps me sane.

[Thinkimjob]

In with anger, out with love.

Except for Mosquitos.

[Lexie]

I've learned that it is easier not to make committments than to have to break them. I am fortunate that my children are grown so there are very few things that I really have to do. I used to be a really organized person but that is a "used to be" thing. But it still bothers me. There comes a time when you have to learn the word "NO!" That was really hard for me. I have also been drawn away from a lot of friends by saying no. They just don't understand that I can barely make it 8 hours at work before I am exhausted. I am also blessed to have my best friend (my hubby) who thinks like me and takes very good care of me. A lot of people don't have that! All I can do is send your my best wishes and prayers. You can do it!!!