Is anyone else DREADING the holidays??

[Bob698]

Just a thought, but just say NO.

We learned a long time ago that if we were going to survive the holidays, and quit spreading ourselves so thin that we didn't enjoy our holiday, we would have to say no.

If what you REALLY want is a nice quiet Christmas at home with YOUR family, and give your kids a normal "Santa visit" moment then family time at home then do it. They are only young once, and you will never get those moments back.

We were a military family, and every year we were expected to go visit our families during the holidays, rather than them come to us, and it made us miserable. Traveling with young kids to go see grandparents half a country away, over Christmas where there were tons of presents to deal with getting back home, aunts who lived another 50 miles away expected us to drive there.. it was just a mess. One year we flew to NC from MT, then drove to MA for two days, then drove back to NC..to fly back to MT, over a 8 day vacation. it was miserable...not to mention expensive~

So we stopped. And you know what happened? The family didn't like it.. We got the comments about how the family really wanted to see the kids at Christmas, and how they missed us want to know what our response was? Well, the roads go both ways, and they were more than welcome to come to our house.

Life has been much simpler since then. I know we got the not so nice comments behind our backs, but we don't stress over holidays anymore, and we spend that gas,airplane,car rental, hotel money on us.

So pick a couple dinners you want to attend, and don't over commit during these upcoming holidays, no need for excuses or explanations, just say, No, sorry we wont be attending this year. One good excuse without laying on the MS "card" is simply saying you have too much going on that day/week and can't commit to anything else. You shouldn't feel stressed, the holiday season is all about thankfulness, happiness and joy. Remember that. and good luck!

This post needs to get stickied.
Its so true, the holidays are not supposed to be an endurance experiment. The folks I stay with spend more time on the road and each kid gets 3 or 4 bithday parties (spread out over a week or so) plus 2 or 3 marathon thanksgiving dinners plus 3 or 4 marathon christmas' each year and they're always wondering why they're stressed out.
I tried it the first year I was here and had to tell my buddy that I was done. I really appreciate that they treat me like family but that doesn't help my shots or fatigue or goofy symtoms.
The rest of the family was OK with what I said, they basically understand what I'm dealling with and I get to show up for one thanksgiving and one christmas when I can get there and leave when I have to.

[isamadjul]

Take your foot...PUT IT DOWN

I know its hard!!! I come from a divorced family so I grew up going to place after place dreaming of getting married and staying home...HAHAHAHA (was that to much laughing?) I've been married 12yrs now and for the last...4-5yrs I have battled the remarks and comments every year. I struggle every year to stick to my guns. Whats different with my family then with yours is mine is all within a 15min drive. Nobody has to drive hours, its not like everyone has kids. The request I and my Dh have made from the start of our marriage was simple...switch days/times every other year.

Its been hard and its not happened until the last 2-3yrs that things have started to change. This yr will be the most different. We will do what we want and if you want to see us at a different time then you know where we live. Thanksgiving will be at my house with our family. My in-laws are CRAZY STUPID about how they do it and it drives me NUTS!!!! I'm a cook and I don't like to feel used. I'm used every yr for this holiday!! Its not even at my house and I get asked to make the damn Turkey! NO JOKE!

So my my point...I KNOW ITS HARD BUT PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN AND STAND TALL!!! IT WILL HURT YOU AND YOUR DH AT FIRST BUT PICK AND CHOOSE THEN SWITCH IT EVERY OTHER YR IF YOU CAN. Thats whats going to seem the "fairest" to your families after they calm down. Its all you can do unless you want like some of us say , "NO COME TO ME OR FORGET IT!!!"

Either way you go you will need luck...GOOD LUCK

isamadjul
(allyson)

p.s.
yes I dread the holidays even though I have my foot put down. I don't like them. I think they cause to much stress before I had MS and now that I have it...

[Frederick1]

Kind of. I'm going to a friend's house for Thanksgiving. I'm worried about accessibility. (I use a wheelchair) It'll work out, but I often get nervous going places that aren't designed for accessibility.

There will probably be kids there. I don't really like young kids in general. And they sometimes ask questions about why I use a wheelchair and I don't feel like explaining.

For Christmas, my parents are visiting from Arizona for two weeks. My mom has pretty severe dementia, so its going to be stressful and unpleasant. Last year, she was so upset that my dad mashed the sweet potatoes she wanted to mash that she refused to eat dinner with us, so my dad and I just ate dinner by ourselves with her sitting alone in the next room. I'll start counting down the days 'til their departure a few weeks before they even arrive. Right now its 53 days.

[daisy74]

Pray for a snow storm. Didn't we have one over Christmas a couple of years ago? Spent some wonderful quality time with just our little family sitting by the fire and drinking hot cocoa.

[HereIam]

SIMPLE ANSWER: YES, I AM DREADING THE HOLIDAYS. I'D RATHER DIVE HEAD FIRST INTO A PILE OF VOMIT.

[rsb]

my husband is overseas, and I have a disabled 4 year old and a rambunctious 2 year old to travel with. I am going to spend Christmas with my family in NC again this year, which luckily is only a 2 hour flight. After my last visit (in the heat of the summer, when my neuro symptoms were REALLY bad), my parents finally *get* what's happening to me and realize when I say I have to rest, I have to rest.

[tommylee]

I'D RATHER DIVE HEAD FIRST INTO A PILE OF VOMIT.

Yours or someone elses?

Funny way to put it but I can understand.
Some people in my family always go way overboard and every little detail is important to them.
They act as if every "Christmas Wish" does not come true, it is all ruined.
This makes for a stressful time and really throws a wet blanket on the whole experiance.
It is sad that the whole feeling of gratitude seems to escape them and they try to turn Christmas into a pile of conditions and obligations.

Instead of taking the time to reflect on the joy's of life they seem to like to focus on what they think is missing.
Its exhausting and discouraging and has nothing to do with God or Christmas.

There is no cure for this self-centered attitude. Just try to not get sucked into it. (very difficult when they are your family.)

If anybody likes to spread stress and pain and harsh words for christmas; I don't think they understand Christmas at all.

God did not set forth a bunch of conditions for christmas so who has the right to add to God's plan?
John 3:16; For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

God did not mention anything about endless obligations or spending endless hours in a car or bringing sweet potato's and cranberry dressing or jumping through anybodies flaming hoops to keep them happy.

Christmas is about you and God.
Everything else is just worldly customs that have nothing to do with Christmas.

Do your best to stay true to God and everybody else will just have to live with their own problems.

Celibrate the gift and let the misguided grumps be miserable all by themselves. (it may be nice to say a prayer for them)

(God does not want you to swim in a toilet or beat yourself to death or wallow in puke.... SO DON'T DO IT!)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

[sengelhardt]

Yours or someone elses?

Funny way to put it but I can understand.
Some people in my family always go way overboard and every little detail is important to them.
They act as if every "Christmas Wish" does not come true, it is all ruined.
This makes for a stressful time and really throws a wet blanket on the whole experiance.
It is sad that the whole feeling of gratitude seems to escape them and they try to turn Christmas into a pile of conditions and obligations.

Instead of taking the time to reflect on the joy's of life they seem to like to focus on what they think is missing.
Its exhausting and discouraging and has nothing to do with God or Christmas.

There is no cure for this self-centered attitude. Just try to not get sucked into it. (very difficult when they are your family.)

If anybody likes to spread stress and pain and harsh words for christmas; I don't think they understand Christmas at all.

God did not set forth a bunch of conditions for christmas so who has the right to add to God's plan?
John 3:16; For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

God did not mention anything about endless obligations or spending endless hours in a car or bringing sweet potato's and cranberry dressing or jumping through anybodies flaming hoops to keep them happy.

Christmas is about you and God.
Everything else is just worldly customs that have nothing to do with Christmas.

Do your best to stay true to God and everybody else will just have to live with their own problems.

Celibrate the gift and let the misguided grumps be miserable all by themselves. (it may be nice to say a prayer for them)

(God does not want you to swim in a toilet or beat yourself to death or wallow in puke.... SO DON'T DO IT!)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

AMEN!!!! Definately remember the reason we celebrate Christmas!

[bethann246]

Dreading Holidays?

I have gotten a little anxious and tired just reading these posts. I agree that the "focus" should be on thankfulness and God's wonderful gift to the world, however, in the meantime I have learned to smile and say "no, thank you" as often as I can. If you can, just stay in one place and be a "venting" spot for all those other driven souls! Amusing and very helpful for all. (I don't tell anyone, I just do it)

[cali1892]

SIMPLE ANSWER: YES, I AM DREADING THE HOLIDAYS. I'D RATHER DIVE HEAD FIRST INTO A PILE OF VOMIT.

Lol! That's exactly how I feel! I will have to do 3 parties, (1 complete meal and just turkeys for the other 2). Because I make the best turkey in our family. Yea, right Funny thing is, I don't remember how I cook my turkey to make it so great. Can't wait this is gonna be sooo much fun.

[JudySz]

I LOVE Christmas, but I do know what you mean. Now that dd is married with kids of her own, ( 2 of them steps) it is a hectic day, and een though we only drive 40 minutes or so, I pray for a snowstorm every year and we never get one that bad......I just want to stay home this year too and enjoy the kids and grandkids.....I like the idea of another day, but last year I tried for the day after and was just ignored. When I get there, i usually visit a little bit, eat and then find a bed or couch and take a nap. Just not fun. I should take everyone's advice and just say no to dh family......

I haqve cut back on the whole holiday thing though. We haqve one Crhistmas party early in Dec...and last year was the first year, we went out for Thanksgiving dinner. Dh, me and dd that is sngle. Dd that is married has his whole family to visit....This year, we are going to DC to visit dd....

Christmas Even has always been early mass with us, then dd to in laws. Christmas day is Santa at their house, then op ur house. Then comes the crazy part, in laws for all os us while her dh takes kids to moms about 2 hrs. away, then all back here and dd and dh open and baby opens. It is the Christmas day that I would liek to change.

We will just see how I feel this year since it is only one day, not many liek so many of you have.

Hang in there and remember that your health is the most important part of what you should be worried about.

JudySz

[Bob698]

I don't really like young kids in general.

Try serving them with a different gravy.
Sorry, its still too close to halloween.

[Tawanda]

Another point of view

As recemt as a decade ago, I would be chiming in with everyone else. When I was younger, a holiday wasn't official until somebody cried! As middle age firmly takes root, I am all too aware of how many loved ones I have lost. Many losses in a short period of time. I miss them. Warts and all!

My DD is down to one grandparent. We are a small family of 3, racking our brains figuring out what to do with ourselves most holidays (I almost wish I could rent some extra family members for the occasion)! You would never guess that I was one of 7 kids once upon a time, entangled in those wild, boisterous Christmases that you guys are talking about. As a kid, they were a blast! My only child will never experience that kind of holiday. There's just not enough family left for us to "party" with!

Yes, my holidays are a lot more peaceful than they used to be, but sometimes I think peaceful holidays are over-rated. These quiet holidays just remind me of how many important people have slipped away.

Cherish your loved ones. You never know if those same loved-ones will be sitting at your Christmas table again next year.

[inmoni5]

As recemt as a decade ago, I would be chiming in with everyone else. When I was younger, a holiday wasn't official until somebody cried! As middle age firmly takes root, I am all too aware of how many loved ones I have lost. Many losses in a short period of time. I miss them. Warts and all!

My DD is down to one grandparent. We are a small family of 3, racking our brains figuring out what to do with ourselves most holidays (I almost wish I could rent some extra family members for the occasion)! You would never guess that I was one of 7 kids once upon a time, entangled in those wild, boisterous Christmases that you guys are talking about. As a kid, they were a blast! My only child will never experience that kind of holiday. There's just not enough family left for us to "party" with!

Yes, my holidays are a lot more peaceful than they used to be, but sometimes I think peaceful holidays are over-rated. These quiet holidays just remind me of how many important people have slipped away.

Cherish your loved ones. You never know if those same loved-ones will be sitting at your Christmas table again next year.

Thank you for sharing your story. i too have lost family members. thank you for putting this into perspective for me.

[Hawkgirl]

inmoni5, I agree with everyone who's said, this is the year to draw the line in the sand. You can tell your mom and dad, "This year Christmas is at my house. You guys can come here or have Christmas without me." Your mother will not be lonely if she has a husband and other kids.

OR, if you don't want to cook a holiday feast for a billion people, just put your foot down and tell them, "I have MS. I am not well enough to travel this year. I am having Christmas with just my DH and kids. Sorry."

I know it won't be that easy and you'll be argued with and threatened and all, but hang tough. To any argument: "I have MS and am too ill to travel this year."

I dread the holidays because my crew of wild monkeys will be out of school and home with me every day for way too long.