A vent from a teachers aide, beginning another schoolyear (lon)

[DancingOnTheEdge13]

I posted this on cafemoms yesterday and got no relply except from one women who offered a hug. I don't think many knew what to tell me. But I need to vent. I need to know someone hears me and can somewhat relate.

I am a teachers aide. I have been with the district going on 17 yrs. After going to work for the school, I was dx'd with MS. I am still several years away from retirement and I don't make a living as it is now. But I need the insurance.

I love my job. I work with kids with special needs and I really do enjoy them. I do have my days but its not usually the kids. I have been going through alot of stress at home. I have a 24 yr old daughter who is seperated with three kids. She moved back in with us in Oct and finally got into her own place last month. She has put us thru hell. But she knew we would not put her out with three babies. I have told her that she can't come back. She has got to make this work on her own.

We have a new person in our department at work who I have always liked. I really thought she was a good honest person. She sends emails to our principal behind our backs and there have been things that have gotten back to me as well as others. We have had a couple teachers threaten to quit over her. As for me...I am just an aide. I can't just quit, I need insurance. I don't have the wits about me to go back to school. I can't even organize a thought somedays much less retain enough to become a teacher. I know this is my last job. I'd like to keep it as long as I can. But I don't know how much more of the politics I can take.

I've worked under several principals and have always gotten along with them. I have always felt comfortable going to them for anything. The one we have now, not so much. She doesn't even acknowledge me in the halss when the halls are empty and I know she sees me. I have tried to talk to her in the past it falls on deaf ears.

I don't want to be angry this school year. I don't want to be miserable and watching my back. The students have not even come back yet and the pressure is on already.

I lost my cell phone at the airport and it has not been found yet. AT&T is sending me a replacement. In the meantime, the teacher that I have the issues with has called the principal and told her I am not taking her phone calls, that I just won't answer the phone. So I get an email about not taking her phone calls. Ugh, it's things like this that stress me and we haven't even gotten started.

I am sorry this is so long. I am going crazy in my mind. But I need insurance. No one has real answers so I just wanted to vent. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

PatienceS

[Justsayyes]

Well that teacher telling the principal you are not taking her calls should mind her own business. I don't know if I'd confront her, that's up to you, but to clarify to your boss that you lost your phone.

Getting a new principal is tough and discouraging. You always have to prove yourself to someone new. I do know that one thing you can count on is that all things change over time at work. Hope you can hang in there, do the best job you can and enjoy those kids.

Hope this helps!

[Justsayyes]

OK....I meant "do" clarify to your boss that you lost your phone. Hope that makes more sense.

[Amy J]

I Feel For You

I've been in a situation at work where I felt like nobody understood me or liked me, even though I was trying to do a good job. It's no fun, and it really changes you. I think of myself as a positive person who's very easy to get along with, but it was hard for me to keep that attitude when I was in that situation. So, first of all, I just want to acknowledge how hard that is. I'm sorry you have to go through it, through no fault of your own. Having MS on top of it just seems so unfair.

What helped me to get through that period was to print out and tape up where I could see it The 4 Agreements. Maybe it will help you, too. They are:

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word.
2. Don't Take Anything Personally.
3. Don't Make Assumptions.
4. Always Do Your Best.

There's a (short) book by the same name that you might look into. It goes into further details about each agreements. I think I got a lot more from the agreements having read the book.

Good luck, and remember -- even though it's your problem, it's not your fault. ((Hug))

[Nabbosa]

Killing with kindness

Patience,

Just reading your post and not knowing you, I notice you've been at this job 17 years. If you were a difficult person, or if you weren't good at your job, you would not have lasted that long! People at work are sure to notice this, too!

I just finished a one-year administrative position (it rotates through the group) in which I had to deal with difficult people. When one of these difficult people would e-mail a complaint to me and copy it to my boss, I would write back very kindly and copy it to my boss. For instance, "I'm so sorry to have missed your calls! I'm sure you can understand how frustrating it has been for me, having lost my phone. The replacement has just arrived, so it should be much easier to reach me now."

I'd be polite, but also show them how unreasonably they were being. Worked every time.

Sending all good thoughts and prayers your way on this one!

[journeyman]

Ex-teacher

This is a long one but I hope it helps.

I taught middle school for five years and high school for seven years before being dx'd. I loved the kids, hated parents and administration. My supervisor continually stabbed me in the back without my knowing. I only found out after I chose to leave for other reasons.

I am an RN and taught health sciences. My practice was getting antiquated and rusty. I chose to go back to the hospital to get my skills tuned up.

At our school cell phones were not allowed for teachers and students. When asked why I was not taking calls between classes I told them that, "I paid for the phone. I pay for the services. I choose not to answer my phone so that I can spend my time being professional and doing things that will help my students. They come first and that is what the county pays me for - not socializing. (My wife teaches foreign languages at another school an taught me this.) It has worked for the both of us as we are putting the students first.

Unlike my wife I never did lesson plans as my teaching never varied. But I found with my cog fog I had to build a schedule for myself and not deviate from it except for bomb scares and lock downs. It kept the students and me on track.

As far as professional friends I found that in order to keep my "secret" I slowly, (not to my liking), began to distance myself. I kept things to, "hi" or "how are you." Eventually I was left alone. While doing this I strengthened my outside relationships. I started going to my men's bible study, I started participating in this forum.

It just means changing your life. Doing tough love with your adult kids. Change quality for quantity. With MS you are the same special person you always were - you just have to change your focus.

I know this is long but I hope it helps. When I went back to the hospital I was working in a Level I Trauma Center and I was the only Psych RN in that ED. After three months I realized I could no longer do that work at that stress level.

My insurance was with the school as a dependent on my wife's policy.

I went to a lawyer who specialized in social security dissability. After three submissions I got my ss dis check.
I quit my job at the hospital. The medical insurance then picked me up. I am still with the same insurance company that I was with when I was teaching. I am on a special dissability plan which is better than the one I was on when I was teaching.

My wife is still teaching and we decided to get paid on the 12 mo. plan instead of the 9 mo. plan. All in all we are doing well. We just tightened up some things.
I now have gone back to my minor from college which is art. I am painting acrylic art multi-media pictures and doing blood pressures for the homeless at our feeding program at our church. My life is happy and much calmer.
I feel just as productive and have a whole new group of friends who know everything about me and support me.

I hope this helps some. If I can help you ease out or stay with your love just contact me through this forum.

J.

[DancingOnTheEdge13]

Thanks for helping me through my vent.


Thank you all for your replies. So much of it, is exactly what I needed to hear.

Just Say yes~ you are right. I do need to clarify my principal on my lost phone situation. And can do this it is only professional.

Amy J~
1. Be Impeccable With Your Word.
2. Don't Take Anything Personally.
3. Don't Make Assumptions.
4. Always Do Your Best. I like this

Nabbosa

Yes. A good bit of advice:
I would write back very kindly and copy it to my boss. For instance, "I'm so sorry to have missed your calls! I'm sure you can understand how frustrating it has been for me, having lost my phone. The replacement has just arrived, so it should be much easier to reach me now."

Journeyman:

Thank you. You gave food for thougt.

It's like you all know just what I am going thru on different levels. And I thank you so much for taking time to respond. I am very grateful.