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**earnellzwifey** · 08-10-2010, 09:19 PM

CTAT333 you are not crazy at all. I am sorry that your family is so unsupportive to your needs right now. There are many people suffering from diffrent problems and dont have a diagnosis. There are t.v. shows "mystery diagnosis" about people suffering for years with unknown diseases. How dare they say you are faking or being lazy.

I am not able to be there to physically give you a hug but here is some virtual love.

(((((HUGS)))))

You know your body better than anyone else. Dont let them push you beyond what you can do. Trying to live up to there expectations could make you worst. Remember you always have a family here ready and willing to listen to you.

**Justsayyes** · 08-10-2010, 09:28 PM

So sorry you are dealing with this, people who don't understand. It's so hard to be exhausted and do all the things everyone expects you to do.

You will find many understanding people here. We get it, and we can give you some virtual (((((hugs))))). Keep looking for answers and just do the best you can do every day. Many of us with families feel lonely.

**Splendid** · 08-10-2010, 09:32 PM

So very sorry for your pain.

Hang in there, things will get better.

Jan

**CasinoKathy** · 08-10-2010, 09:43 PM

Hi CTAT, so sorry that your not getting the support you need from your family, however you are always welcome here and will get the support and understanding that you need.

I know it's hard, but try not to let those harmful words keep you down. We here are all pulling for you!

**RavenousWolf** · 08-10-2010, 11:02 PM

CTAT, check out this link of a post I recently put in the Basic Health Matters sub-forum of here:

http://www.msworld.org/forum/showthread.php?t=104457

It kind of sums up the huge difference and impact it makes when you are with fellow MS patients.

**floatingurboat** · 08-11-2010, 01:08 AM

CTAT your story sounds very familiar. I went through alot of the same things in the year and a half it took for me to get diagnosed. I also had people call me a lazy hypocondriac, and went through a severe depression because of it.

I just want to say that you are NOT crazy and warn you not to let that train of thought take hold in your mind. I had convinced myself I was crazy and I was imagining my pain (because that's what everyone around me was saying, much like your story) and I let things progress to the point where I couldn't get up out of bed before I went to the hospital and ultimately got diagnosed because I was "just imagining it".

Just keep thinking of all the "I told you so's" that are gonna be in your pocket after the docs figure out what's wrong with you, that's always fun.

~Elly

**tejokid** · 08-11-2010, 07:03 AM

Hon, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, regardless of what your final diagnosis may be. I hope you've got a medical team that is making every effort to find out what's wrong.

I didn't have other people saying what's been said to you--I spent years saying that to myself. You're fat, you're out of shape, you're not trying hard enough... And the harder you try, the worse it gets. Depression is pretty common with MS (and other conditions)--sometimes I think being depressed is a perfectly rational response to all the physical and emotional pain we go through. The possibility of depression might be something to bring up the next time you visit the doctor.

Even successful treatment for that won't change the people in your life though. Sometimes we find ourselves surrounded by people who expect, demand--and loudly--that you pay attention to and "do" for them, them, them--and you're wrong if you don't or aren't able to. Too often that door doesn't swing the other way though--when it's you who needs help, kindness or even a little sympathy--too danged bad, what have you done for them lately?

People use words like weapons. It's not just disregard or carelessness to them--it's power and it's really fun for them. If I step on you, look at me, I'm taller... What MS or any other condition does to us is bad enough--there's no need for anybody to add to that. I rather suspect that the treatment you're getting now isn't a lot different than how you've always been treated, and getting a firm diagnosis isn't going to change that. If you have access to any type of counseling at all, I hope you take advantage of it.

It's too bad we can't use Star Trek type shields when we're threatened--boy, would those be handy! We are on your side, no matter what. I know we're just screen names when you read what we write, but behind those names are real people who really get what you're going through. You can ask anything here, discuss anything here, and people will give you information, resources and support.

As hard as it may be--and I'm really familiar with how hard it can get--you have permission to be your own greatest ally right now. You are worthy of support and understanding, you are worthy of answers, and you are worthy of respect. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that until it seeps down in your bones. Sometimes you have to be your own best friend. Bless you--this is a hard journey.

**JoanFrances** · 08-11-2010, 07:52 AM

Sooooo Sorry Dear

I hope that you can find someone to turn to quickly.

Do you have a someone in a local church you can turn too?

Sadly you can't change the ones who are doing this to you, and you shouldn't have to accept their careless, hurtly action either.

Come to the forum as often as you need to get support here. That is why we are here, we understand what you are going through.

Do you have any appointments lined up? You didn't say what testing has already been done. Just so you know it took pretty near 3 yrs for them to dx me. I went through so many yes, no, yes, no, yes that it was making my head spin.

So hang in there, and don't give in until you get answers to why you are going through what you are my Dear.

**CTAT333** · 08-11-2010, 08:47 AM

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I cannot say thank you enough. I was in such a bad place last night, and each of your words brought be comfort when I needed it the most. Thank you all a million times!

I actually don't have a doctor right now, not even a PCP. We don't have insurance, but my husband did just start a new job, so I'm hoping that will change soon! What sucks the most about that though, is not having access to meds. All of my symptoms I have to grit my teeth and bear, no matter how painful. I try and tell myself that I must be a pretty strong person to raise my child, hold my household together, and deal with symptoms with no help but a prayer. I want to ignore my symptoms, you know just pretend they don't exist. But they have gotten to the point to where that's almost impossible.

In my heart, I DO know that when I get a diagnosis it won't matter to my family. My mom, dad, & sisters won't change. I do want so badly to have the "I told you so" moments, but I think even trying to say "I told you so" would get me hurt, b/c they wouldn't care.

Sometimes I think the reason God hasn't let me get a diagnosis yet (of whatever is going on with me) is because I haven't made peace with it myself. Deep down, I still want my parents approval/support/sympathy (even though I'm a 26 yr old woman whose married with a 2 yr old lil boy). I think until I'm able to depend upon myself, and I'm able to "shield" myself better I won't get a diagnosis, because I'm not ready for one yet - does that make sense at all?? Like He keeps putting obstacles in my way until I'm ready to deal with what I need to.

It's hard learning how to stand up for myself, as that was never encouraged in my family. Standing up for yourself, and doing what you think is right is seen as defiant to them. It's taken me some time to see how effed up that logic really is hahaha

For now, I'm just going to take one day at a time and continue to breathe. That's all I can do, right? I'm an optimist by nature, so I can't help but believe that things will eventually righten themselves out.

Thank you again for comforting me last night when I needed it. You are all such awesome, amazing people. I'm more of a lurker right now, but I do post every now and then, and every time I do I always get such friendly, loving answers. It blows me away, that with everything that I know people on this forum have going on in their life, they still are able to take some of their personal time to comfort a stranger.

**mjan** · 08-11-2010, 09:02 AM

HUGS Dear..so sorry I missed this post last night.

As I was reading your post, I was thinking how much it bothers me that family spouses have no idea what our symptoms are..esp without a diagnosis. Think about it. WE have to be educated and do a lot on our own, but they dont have a clue. STILL is no excuse for NOT offering some kind of compassion.

BUT, I was also wondering if there were any family issues or those with your DH before you got sick. Because when there already are issues, and you are sick EVERYTHING seems worse, right?

So come here, anytime day or night and WE'll offer you the much needed support and VALIDATION you need. Now I know its not the same as your hubby and family's support..but remember YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! ok hon?

I also have my email address in my profile if you need to talk more often AND there is the LIMBOLAND check in thread along with our Chat room.

Keep us posted as to how you are..

Warmly, Jan

**jamilea** · 08-11-2010, 10:11 AM

HEY!

You are not lazy, you are not a bad mom and you are not a hypochondriac. You are ill. You know your own body better than anyone else so don't allow anyone to tell you any different. You count and we will listen to you. We will support you through your journey. We will be with you every step of the way.

We can be your family too. Welcome and I really do hope things turn up for you soon. It's difficult when you don't have answers but you will find them, I'm sure of it.

{{{BIG HUGS}}}

Hang in there!

Love, Jami Lea

**JudySz** · 08-11-2010, 10:36 AM

As everyone has said to you on this forum, come here any time at all. We are around at all hours. You are not any of those things your family has said. Sometimes family can be sooo difficult. Just do what you can and I hope you get a dx soon. It is so much easier to have one. Hope the insurance comes through also. Looked at my coverage statement and I have already had 52,000 of medical expenses and before my ms I only went to doc for routine stuff, I was never sick.

At least you found us, like I said, come back anytime and hang in there

JudySz

**RobbieCnote** · 08-11-2010, 11:44 AM

No support System

CTAT333

The one thing I have learned over anything else is that no one who hasn't or isn't going through what you are going through can or ever will understand what you're dealing with. Now with that said, that doesn't mean you should feel something is wrong if your family doesn't show you that they care. I believe that is someone truly loves you, that they will feel your pain in a way that only people who love you can. If they don't ...... well let's face it they are selfish and don't want to understand. Why this is, I have no clue. You and a lot of us are having a hard time finding a support system with in our reach to help us cope with what is happening to us, and how it has changed our lives. All I can say, is don't give up.

**hunterd** · 08-11-2010, 11:44 AM

no idea where you are, so that warm tight feeling is me hugging you. oh yea, cry all you want, i don`t mind a wet shirt. plenty of support here, rant all you want.

dave

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Needing support....feeling so isolated.

Needing support....feeling so isolated.

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