I have been reading through the forums, trying to get my thoughts in order and am still at a loss even after reading some of the responses to others who have had difficult relationships while dealing with their diagnosis and the reactions of their significant other. (Warning, this is extremely long. I really have no clue how to sum it up and convey all that has been happening).
In all honesty, I have been having problems since before I even had the first signs of, much less my diagnosis of MS. My DH and I got married just under 2 years ago, shortly after our first son was born. I was so happy the day we married, even if it was FAR from the wedding that I had wanted with only my father there to witness it. We had planned to do a small ceremony later on for our friends and family, however I now know that will never happen. I have given up my hopes for this at this point.
This being said. Everything has pretty much slid downhill from there. The very week after our first son was born I was back in college doing 14 credit hours. I maintained a schedule of going to school, coming home to take care of the baby, cleaning the house, maintaining all of our assistance that was needed while I wasn't working due to classes, taking our child to his doctor's appointments and doing all the grocery and household item shopping. I literally had no time for myself between home life and school life.
Granted my husband DID take out the trash and watch our son while I was asleep. Sadly, his idea of taking out the trash was to do it once a week. I got so upset about every little thing. Ended up suffering from PPD so bad that I got suicidal. When I made the comment to my husband one day that I "felt worthless" his response was to give one of those quick, semi-light slaps across my cheek. OMG was I ticked, I almost knocked him across the room. When we discussed it later, his reasoning was "Well you weren't upset anymore right?"... no, I wanted to knock you senseless... "Well, it did it's job then".
Once January last year rolled around, I signed up for my last 16 credit hours to graduate. I made sure I purchased the items needed to do repairs on our home from my student loans when I got my refund. (This included laminate flooring to go over the subflooring that was in here when we moved in, dry-wall composite to finish the walls, and cool-seal for our roof to repair the leaks that had been going on for 6 months.) My husband promised to take care of this since I had taken the initiative of going and getting everything that was needed to do the repairs. However, it's a year later and the flooring isn't even finished yet.
I found out in February that I was pregnant again, even on birth control. At this, I informed my husband that he wasn't touching me anymore . I still maintained my same routine as the last semester of all the housework, shopping, childcare when not asleep, and school work. Despite all of this I still managed to finish up my bachelor's degree that May. I was so happy. However, after the ceremony, my husband wanted nothing to do with going to lunch with my parents to celebrate. So, we went home.
A good friend of mine ended up hiring me in August for her company. It was really awesome pay too and it was something I loved. Plus, I could do alot of the work from home which is awesome with all the other things that I do. I was making double my husband's pay and we were rather comfortable for the time.
I took my maternity leave when our second son was born. However, the delivery really did take alot out of me. My husband was only there for the delivery and 15 min after I was moved into my room after. The following day he stopped by for an hour then showed up the day after that just to pick me up. I was walking around the hospital in tears. Even with our son in the neonatal care ward and our oldest staying with his parents, he wasn't there with me.
I was so thrilled to go home after those 3 days even if our son did have to stay an extra 4 days after. I had felt so unloved the whole time. However, when I arrived back home I found my house in worse condition than when I had left. That very day I got home from the hospital I was sweeping the house, doing dishes and laundry.
Well, that was October... November is when my first incident took place that lead to the diagnosis of MS in March. (I won't expound on it here, if anyone wants those details they are in my original post where I introduced myself).
However, I will add in to that my husband's reactions to the neurologist appointment and then the diagnosis. The initial visit before my spinal tap when I came home and told him she was pretty certain it was indeed MS he just stood in the kitchen and tried to joke at me "There's nothing wrong with you. It's all in your head." When the full diagnosis was given, I came home to tell him. When I did, I got a brief hug while standing up in our living room. I had wanted nothing more than to curl up in his lap and cry, and I got a HUG?!!!
Since all of this, I have not been working since my boss wanted me on my meds before bringing me back into MORE stress on top of the rest of the stuff in my life. I filled out all of my paperwork for financial assistance and what not since our income had dropped over $1,200. Between the doctor's trips and regular bills, we're stuggling just to make it normally.
I have tried to talk to my husband during all this time about things that have been bugging me about his behavior. Opened the floor up to him as well if he had anything he needed to say about my behavior too. He always took it as an attack on him and each time has threatened leaving. Until I break down and convince him I didn't mean anything by it, he continues packing.
Well, I have spoken with friends on the matter many times. I still have yet to make a decision on the matter. Yes, they are correct. If every time there are marital problems he threatens to leave, it is not a marriage. But... marriage is sacred and a forever thing. Plus we have 2 boys together. He's told me if I ever leave, he won't want to see the kids afterward. He "has seen what his friend goes through each time he has to take his daughter back to her mom" and "won't put himself nor the kids through that". So, I have felt so torn of late with these thoughts. Depressed and crying to friends constantly.
Then today happened. I just started my treatments Saturday and so, my first day at home doing it myself, I wanted to show my husband how to do it. I told him it was just in case I wasn't able to do it myself a day or two if I was having problems due to the MS. He outright REFUSED! He also told me he would NEVER do it cause he's "terrified of needles". I wanted to cry and throw stuff at him. He won't do this for his own WIFE if it was absolutely necessary.
Well, as the title says and I'm sure you have concluded from this I really am at my wits end and am still torn. I do love the man. I just don't know if I can keep this up. If anyone has any advice, I welcome it with open arms.
In all honesty, I have been having problems since before I even had the first signs of, much less my diagnosis of MS. My DH and I got married just under 2 years ago, shortly after our first son was born. I was so happy the day we married, even if it was FAR from the wedding that I had wanted with only my father there to witness it. We had planned to do a small ceremony later on for our friends and family, however I now know that will never happen. I have given up my hopes for this at this point.
This being said. Everything has pretty much slid downhill from there. The very week after our first son was born I was back in college doing 14 credit hours. I maintained a schedule of going to school, coming home to take care of the baby, cleaning the house, maintaining all of our assistance that was needed while I wasn't working due to classes, taking our child to his doctor's appointments and doing all the grocery and household item shopping. I literally had no time for myself between home life and school life.
Granted my husband DID take out the trash and watch our son while I was asleep. Sadly, his idea of taking out the trash was to do it once a week. I got so upset about every little thing. Ended up suffering from PPD so bad that I got suicidal. When I made the comment to my husband one day that I "felt worthless" his response was to give one of those quick, semi-light slaps across my cheek. OMG was I ticked, I almost knocked him across the room. When we discussed it later, his reasoning was "Well you weren't upset anymore right?"... no, I wanted to knock you senseless... "Well, it did it's job then".
Once January last year rolled around, I signed up for my last 16 credit hours to graduate. I made sure I purchased the items needed to do repairs on our home from my student loans when I got my refund. (This included laminate flooring to go over the subflooring that was in here when we moved in, dry-wall composite to finish the walls, and cool-seal for our roof to repair the leaks that had been going on for 6 months.) My husband promised to take care of this since I had taken the initiative of going and getting everything that was needed to do the repairs. However, it's a year later and the flooring isn't even finished yet.
I found out in February that I was pregnant again, even on birth control. At this, I informed my husband that he wasn't touching me anymore . I still maintained my same routine as the last semester of all the housework, shopping, childcare when not asleep, and school work. Despite all of this I still managed to finish up my bachelor's degree that May. I was so happy. However, after the ceremony, my husband wanted nothing to do with going to lunch with my parents to celebrate. So, we went home.
A good friend of mine ended up hiring me in August for her company. It was really awesome pay too and it was something I loved. Plus, I could do alot of the work from home which is awesome with all the other things that I do. I was making double my husband's pay and we were rather comfortable for the time.
I took my maternity leave when our second son was born. However, the delivery really did take alot out of me. My husband was only there for the delivery and 15 min after I was moved into my room after. The following day he stopped by for an hour then showed up the day after that just to pick me up. I was walking around the hospital in tears. Even with our son in the neonatal care ward and our oldest staying with his parents, he wasn't there with me.
I was so thrilled to go home after those 3 days even if our son did have to stay an extra 4 days after. I had felt so unloved the whole time. However, when I arrived back home I found my house in worse condition than when I had left. That very day I got home from the hospital I was sweeping the house, doing dishes and laundry.
Well, that was October... November is when my first incident took place that lead to the diagnosis of MS in March. (I won't expound on it here, if anyone wants those details they are in my original post where I introduced myself).
However, I will add in to that my husband's reactions to the neurologist appointment and then the diagnosis. The initial visit before my spinal tap when I came home and told him she was pretty certain it was indeed MS he just stood in the kitchen and tried to joke at me "There's nothing wrong with you. It's all in your head." When the full diagnosis was given, I came home to tell him. When I did, I got a brief hug while standing up in our living room. I had wanted nothing more than to curl up in his lap and cry, and I got a HUG?!!!
Since all of this, I have not been working since my boss wanted me on my meds before bringing me back into MORE stress on top of the rest of the stuff in my life. I filled out all of my paperwork for financial assistance and what not since our income had dropped over $1,200. Between the doctor's trips and regular bills, we're stuggling just to make it normally.
I have tried to talk to my husband during all this time about things that have been bugging me about his behavior. Opened the floor up to him as well if he had anything he needed to say about my behavior too. He always took it as an attack on him and each time has threatened leaving. Until I break down and convince him I didn't mean anything by it, he continues packing.
Well, I have spoken with friends on the matter many times. I still have yet to make a decision on the matter. Yes, they are correct. If every time there are marital problems he threatens to leave, it is not a marriage. But... marriage is sacred and a forever thing. Plus we have 2 boys together. He's told me if I ever leave, he won't want to see the kids afterward. He "has seen what his friend goes through each time he has to take his daughter back to her mom" and "won't put himself nor the kids through that". So, I have felt so torn of late with these thoughts. Depressed and crying to friends constantly.
Then today happened. I just started my treatments Saturday and so, my first day at home doing it myself, I wanted to show my husband how to do it. I told him it was just in case I wasn't able to do it myself a day or two if I was having problems due to the MS. He outright REFUSED! He also told me he would NEVER do it cause he's "terrified of needles". I wanted to cry and throw stuff at him. He won't do this for his own WIFE if it was absolutely necessary.
Well, as the title says and I'm sure you have concluded from this I really am at my wits end and am still torn. I do love the man. I just don't know if I can keep this up. If anyone has any advice, I welcome it with open arms.
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