Does acceptance ever come?

[Turtlebay]

I was diagnosed in May, 2011. I'm feeling angry, frustrated and physically I feel like... (can't print what I feel like, it wouldn't be appropriate.) Does it get easier to accept MS? I hate it for what is doing to my present and what it might do to my future? Thanks for letting me vent as I don't want to freak my family out with how I really feel. I want my life back!

[mjan]

Well first of all, I am sorry for what you are struggling with but grateful you are opening up. For some of us, who have been in limbo for so long, being dismissed, disregarded, misdiagnosed, finally get the MS DX was a relief of sorts.

But MS, like other challenging diseases is a life-changing event. Its up to us how we deal with it. And yes its natural NOT to like having life as we've known it to change us. Losses are hard to accept at times.

Do you know the signs of grief? Shock, denial, depression (regrets), bargaining until we can finally get to acceptance. However, these stages do not flow from one to another fluidly. Sometimes we get stuck. So..ask yourself why are you stuck? And what purpose does it have ..

Just some thoughts..again..this is very normal. And I am proud of you for coming here and asking for this awful even to be "normalized" somewhat.

HUGS~ Jan

[MyGirlsMom]

Hi Turtlebay!

Yes, it does finally come, and it will ebb and flow over time. I am at 2 yrs. from dx and can actually talk about my MS comfortably with others and no longer cry everyday. Time is truly a great healer....and prayer.

[CatMom0001]

Cut yourself some slack

Your diagnosis is brand-new. Acceptance takes time. And yes, you will go through all those other stages of grief. And even after you have found acceptance, there will be moments or hours that you get angry. It's a process.

Life with MS is an ongoing process. Today's normal may not be what next week's normal is. You will learn to roll with it (after all, it's not like we can control it!)

It's okay to be angry. Just don't stay there too long. You don't want to miss out on life!

[sunshine008]

Hi,

Jan's write coming here, saying how you feel really good for you!

Also as other's said with anything major in life there are stages to go through before you hit the last stage which is acceptance mode.

For many and myself i was in limbo for a bit and kinda knew it was ms, because i kept googling my symtpoms, doing reserach as i went for various other tests and it just fit really well.

Yet try to remember and it is true that although it is a chronic illness it is a managable illness to some extent. I find for myself doing everything I can to put me back in the driver's seat, and give me a sense of control is very rewarding and necessary.

We are all different, yet I looked and said ok ms will make me better somehow looked at how i was living, eating, smoking cig's way too much and began overa mos. ago to make changes. I changed my diet, my attitude, my smoking habit's still there yet decreasing, i now exercise, yoga and take much better care of me than i have in 41 years. I won't lie i'm still tired, very tired at times yet I feel better already and it's only been a month and a half maybe since the official dx.

Point is, you can too....... sometimes getting proactive and taking all that anger and frustration and almost channeling it into something else for YOU can truly help.

What things do you think you could do starting tmrw to make you feel better physically and emotionally? I think alot of it is how we think and process things also. so hard to control those brains of ours

I also immediately put myself in therapy once i was handed the dx, it's also a safe place and really good to have someone else help you through that process.

You'll get there, and yup i have bad days and i cry yet it's less frequent now. in beginning it's supposed to be shocking yet remember to move forward in your process.

hang in there...... there are so very many here who are leading their lives with what we have and doing a great job of it. it does and will happen

((Hugs))

[Bob698]

Hey TB.
I think after a while we all accept what's going on. That being said, be sure you DO understand what's going on.
One thing MS really isn't is terminal.
Yes, your life will probably change as you learn to adapt but you also need to realize that treatment has gotten much better.
I think we've all gone thru this stage you're in. I got to acceptance pretty quickly after a month of moping around. What helped me was recalling a scene from a movie starring Dustin Hoffman and Chief Dan George called Little Big Man. Dan's character is old and one day he tells Dustin that its his time to die. They pack some things and find the right spot. Dan lies down and waits for a spirit to take him away.
And waits..
And waits..
After a while it starts to rain.
Dan's character figures out that maybe he isn't ready yet so they go back to the village to eat.



That was what I was doing, waiting for things to get much worse only it wasn't happening.

[Grade1]

I don't know. Partly I guess.

I was diagnosed four years ago. At this point, I have accepted ms as part of my life. I am much calmer about the disease than in the very start. I have reshaped my life as much as possible, so that I would be as prepared as possible for worse times. The people near me are still adjusting but it's getting better every year I hope.

I have never been angry about me catching the disease. Why not me. It could have been anyone, we have no guarantees.

More than anything, at this point, I just feel sad.

[Tomjadg]

I was Dx one year ago this month.
I immediately accepted it as it is what it is.

There is no reason why. It just is.
I don't ask "why me?". I don't cry or worry about it.
It just is, and we deal with it.

I hate not being able to do what I once did, and I hate my wife having to do so much more, and I do get depressed about it at times.

We adjust and deal with it. That is all you can do.

[gomer]

Very Very different situation for me..........

I gave up playing baseball at age 12, I could not keep up with other kids my age, too humiliating. Had the electric (neck bend) shocks since I was 13, developed diplopia jsut after high school and other unexplained stuff in between.

So I have almost all my life had to ADAPT, just never knew WHY till a new eye doc in 2009 opened the MS can-O-worms. For me the RRMS Dx, was just at long last having the dots connected.

I fought the docs back in the 80s seeking an answer. All that did was get me sent to the VA shrinks who spit me back out saying I was not nuts or depressed, but the GPs simply IGNORED it and I had given up even seeking answers.

MY biggest EMOTION was more like wanting to take the TEST results and shove it down the doctors who decades ago refused to follow up (run tests), dismissed all my neuro issues as all in my head of just a complication from being diabetic.

Since I have lived most of my life with MS complications, luckly minor compared to many, there was NO problem accepting my RRMS Dx, for me it was more like RELIEF! plus it ment I was at long last able to KNOW what I was fighting and try and treat/ slow my progression.

The hardest thing for me mentally, was accepting I need a powerchair part-time.

Gomer Dr. of, Been There, Done That

[Lendi]

Hang in there. It truly does get better with time as you adjust and learn. Learning; that helped me, too. I can handle what I know about better than the unknown.

Sometimes, I know it's hard to belive right now, but sometimes blessings even come out of it all. I'm learning patience and to "stop and smell the roses." I take time to get to know people who are in my world rather than being so fast paced that I'm basically clueless. I've learned about important things in life. there's always someone worse off than me and I'm still needed.

Wishing you the best but as the others have said it's a process and sometimes just takes some time.

[salamandertom]

HUGS. I was diagnosed in January. The 22nd to be exact. I will never forget it. I woke up on Thanksgiving with optic neuritis before that of course. I was fine previously, so this was a HUGE shock for me and my family.

It has been six months and I am still bitter, angry and well BITTER. I had plans, big ones. The doctor says to keep pursuing them, and i am. BUT, these damn flares keep coming and I keep going but I really don't know how to keep positive when I *KNOW* what is happening to me. I know this MS is aggressive and it is kicking my butt.

Anyhow, hopefully you will have a better course than me - but I wanted you to know that being angry and bitter is okay. i personally think it is best to allow yourself to feel whatever comes up. I tried to supress the anger and it was just making me sicker, so don't do that.

I have said this before, I think MS is a pretty terrible diagnosis to get and I think it is okay to be bitter about it. If you want to walk around being happy sunshine then that is a personal choice, but being angry and bitter is just as good of a choice in my opinion.

HUGS, I hope you will come here and vent when you need to.

[Tawanda]

My personal knee-jerk reaction?

No way, never. It's been over 7 years since I was diagnosed and "acceptance" hasn't even entered my mind. For those of you who have made some sort of peace with the MonSter, on any kind of level no matter how small, God Bless you. It's never going to happen for me.

[Jules A]

It has been six years for me since diagnosis and I am still bitter. I have not stopped pushing forward or given up but you won't read me giving thanks for anything related to this miserable disease.

I didn't have a great childhood, worked my *** off to create a nice life and then along came MS. It was just the icing on the crap cake as far as I'm concerned.

[Tawanda]

then along came MS. It was just the icing on the crap cake as far as I'm concerned.

HAHAHAHAHAHA (and no matter how you slice it, it will always be crap cake!)*

*sorry, couldn't resist!

[jojo18]

you are new to this. acceptance does not come over night. it took me two years to accept it and not be depressed about it. it took another three years, give or take, to be comfortable talking about it.

i am now over 7 years in and i just fully accepted it. it will take time. dont rush it