Do I cut my mom out of my life?

[Mamabug]

Jukes; yeah.

Even on my restrictive diet, I still go out to eat. I simply choose what I eat carefully. And I go out less frequently since I can't get grass fed meat, or free range chicken, in a restaurant. Or organic vegetables.

But although I know I can eat healthier at home, moderation still plays a role in my life.

[Daisycat]

Jules and mama

i feel so much better since I’ve started this diet and started working out again. I feel like I have some control over some aspect of my life.


Overall I’m feeling better since being reminded of what I’ve lost just makes me angry.

Starbucks is my moderation and even that has become less tasty. But I need my caffeine or I’d never get up and function at 530

[pennstater]

Jules

i used to believe in moderation, but now it terrifies me.

id never be able to live with myself if I ate something I enjoyed and woke up with double vision.

That is extreme. It is not like any food has been identified that would triggrt a relapse. If you find one, you are better than the researchers.

Yes, a diet of inflammatory foods is a problem. The occasional treat, not really a problem.

The one thing I have been wondering in all your threads and despair over the future. Didn't smoking trigger some fear of your future? They have a direct correlation to many health issues. How did you handle the future when you smoked? Didn't that cause you anxiety? If not, what's the difference?

[Mamabug]

i feel so much better since I’ve started this diet and started working out again. I feel like I have some control over some aspect of my life.

That's good. That's the beginning of accepting what you can't change, and changing what you can. You're beginning to identify the difference.

Maybe your dietary decisions have become a "choice" that you're comfortable with, and not a stressor that you make yourself follow 120%.

That's ok as long as you don't stress over allowing yourself some occasional flexibility, if you decide to.

For me, I decide what parts of my diet to be committed to (wheat and dairy free), and which parts to be occasionally flexible on (my food sensitivities).

[Daisycat]

Pennstater

one food hasn’t been shown to cause this but when you find multiple websites all saying avoid this and eat that I pay attention.

Smoking helped my anxiety. I’d be so happy if cigarettes were the cure. I miss the calming effects it had. Now I workout, watch Netflix, get tattoos and piercings, and eat healthily.

Mama bug

For me my “cheat” is my morning Starbucks. I’ve cut out a lot of what made it good and get a lot smaller size, but no one wants to be around me if I haven’t had my caffeine.

[Jules A]

Pennstater
Smoking helped my anxiety. I’d be so happy if cigarettes were the cure. I miss the calming effects it had.

But her point was a good one. When we smoked we both knew of the detrimental effects smoking is proven to cause and yet we did it anyway. Hopefully it won't come back to bite us in later years.

MS certainly brought an awareness to our lack of invincibility and maybe in this one incidence did us a favor? I know putting lipstick on a pig but sometimes thats all I gots.

[KoKo]

Starbucks is my moderation and even that has become less tasty. But I need my caffeine or I’d never get up and function at 530

Daisycat ~ You may enjoy these articles:

To Fight MS, Drink Four Cups of Coffee a Day?

https://multiplesclerosisnewstoday.c...-coffee-a-day/

Coffee and its Active Compounds are Neuroprotective

https://www.sciencedirect.com/scienc...24095175000462

Take Care

[pennstater]

But her point was a good one. When we smoked we both knew of the detrimental effects smoking is proven to cause and yet we did it anyway. Hopefully it won't come back to bite us in later years.

MS certainly brought an awareness to our lack of invincibility and maybe in this one incidence did us a favor? I know putting lipstick on a pig but sometimes thats all I gots.

Thanks Jules. That was my point. I was not advocating to run out and do all the things that are detrimental to our health.

But if one can coexist with the known risks of smoking, one should be able to learn to live with the unknowns an MS diagnosis brings. But you have to want to live and coexist with it - the only way to get balance back in life and reduce overwhelming anxiety brought about by "what if" scenarios.

[Boudreaux]

Daisycat ~ You may enjoy these articles:

To Fight MS, Drink Four Cups of Coffee a Day?

https://multiplesclerosisnewstoday.c...-coffee-a-day/

Coffee and its Active Compounds are Neuroprotective

https://www.sciencedirect.com/scienc...24095175000462

Take Care

Good Info KoKo.

I drink kauphy daily and yes the research shows it to be beneficial so there's that. I will say that I plan on taking a break everynow and then. I recently did a 14 day toxicity cleanse and had to eliminate caffeine. The struggle is real, caffeine is a hell of a drug and if you drink as much kauphy as I do you will go through withdraws. I have grown to despise things that have that much control over my body, especially when it's self inflicted damage.

Keep it going.

[Marco]

Like your mother, I consider myself to be a devout Christian. Where we differ is how we elect to proselytize our faith. There's a saying, "Preach the Gospel, and if necessary, use words. It seems your mother is using an excessive amount of words and efforts that is pushing you further away from not only her faith, but also from her.

Your mother wants to save you from an eternity in hell and while you may not believe in eternal damnation she most certainly does. She would most likely consider her entire life a failure if you never convert to Christianity. So she's experiencing real apprehension and fear about you and your eternal destination. What she fails to see is she has become a stumbling block to you ever converting.

Despite her numerous failings, she is trying to love you in her own way. Unfortunately, her ways of showing you "love" is counterproductive and risks her losing you.

I too am estranged from elements of my family for very different reasons and it certainly isn't preferred. Ideally you and your mother can come to terms with each other to salvage your relationship.

My suggestion might sound insane, but I would suggest you meet with her pastor. Explain the situation to them and just be honest you're at a point of writing her off if she continues to blast you with the religious diatribe. My hope is the pastor would then sit with your mom and try to modify your mother's behavior. Most parishioners will listen to their church leadership on such matters.

You and your mother are not the first two with this problem and certainly won't be the last. Ideally, you can reach agreement on setting healthy boundaries and maintain a relationship. Your mom needs to accept loving you as you are and not on how she would want you to be. She has to learn to respect your differences even if they are an affront to her. I hope you can reach an agreement and move forward with your relationship.

You definitely need boundaries that she will respect, without that your relationship will continue to spiral downward. I hope you can extend your mom some grace if she makes an honest effort and errs from time to time. She's not trying to offend you, she's trying to love you in a misguided way.

[Jules A]

Daisycat ~ You may enjoy these articles:

To Fight MS, Drink Four Cups of Coffee a Day?

https://multiplesclerosisnewstoday.c...-coffee-a-day/

Coffee and its Active Compounds are Neuroprotective

https://www.sciencedirect.com/scienc...24095175000462

Take Care

Thanks KoKo!
I love my coffee but unfortunately it spases my bladder out if I drink more than one large up in the morning. If I'm feeling especially draggy I switch to decaf which still gives me a little boost but with less, although still excessive, trips to the bathroom.

[KoKo]

Thanks KoKo!
I love my coffee but unfortunately it spases my bladder out if I drink more than one large up in the morning. If I'm feeling especially draggy I switch to decaf which still gives me a little boost but with less, although still excessive, trips to the bathroom.

Jules ~ I can relate to the coffee/bladder issues.

I drink no more than 3 cups a day, and never while out in public!

Take Care

[Daisycat]

Jules

If I knew smoking increased the chance of THIS disease I would have never smoked cigarettes a day I my life. I felt invincible to lung cancer since 3 out of 4 of my grandparents smoked for over 50 years and never had any health issues. The one who didn’t smoke had colon cancer…

Koko

That study made my night. The only problem is I spend way too much money on starbucks some days, but when you have one in the same parking lot as your job and have 3 people call you a b in the first 30 minutes of your shift sometimes you need more coffee.


1. Was mad because our sister hospital was closed and I wouldn’t tell them why. I had no idea why. I offered an appointment at out clinic but that wasn’t good enough.


2. The second was mad because I said we had to reschedule their pet’s spay because they feed them TWICE that morning. They “didn’t want her to be hungry”. We leave very detailed instructions to not feed the pet after 10 the night before.


3. I have no idea about this one… I am still confused.I told them I didn’t know the price of what another clinic charged for vaccines and was told I was an unhelpful little b. I offered them the clinic’s phone number.


So some days I feel like I need all the coffee in the world to keep my sanity. And that’s just the crazy people. I also have the days when every dog or cat wants to bite my face off….. but I LOVE my job and the thought of giving it up makes me cry.

Pennstater


I was able to exist with the risks of smoking because it wasn’t “real”. This disease is real and since I know my end game plan I want to put that off as long as possible. I have things I want to do before then.

Marco


My mother thinks the more she insists on talking to me about god the more I am going to change my mind. I haven’t told her this yet , but since I have found out I have this disease it has made me decide either god does not exist or he doesn’t give a flip about me. I get your suggestion to talk to a pastor but I am VERY set in my ways now. Since September 21^st of last year I knew with 100% certainty if there is a god he has shown I mean nothing to him and I was a mistake that he somehow let happen. But it is easier for me to believe there is not god then to think a “loving” god would let someone live with this much pain every single day.

[Mamabug]

3 people call you a b in the first 30 minutes of your shift sometimes you need more coffee.

It's ok that you drink some coffee, but you need more than that. What you need is resiliency -- the ability to deal with stress. I can trace just about every single MS flare that I ever had (I'm guessing about 15 of them) to stress.

I'll say it over and over: google "resiliency strategies". Choose some that will work for you.

Marco
I get your suggestion to talk to a pastor but I am VERY set in my ways now

Marco didn't suggest that you talk to your mother's pastor to change your ways -- but to change hers. Re-read what he wrote.

[Jules A]

3. I have no idea about this one… I am still confused.I told them I didn’t know the price of what another clinic charged for vaccines and was told I was an unhelpful little b.

I have to say there was a time when I was, by no fault of my own, called a "skinny B" by the adolescents I worked with on a fairly regular basis which never bothered me. Note it had to do with the skinny part, lol. Over the years it morphed into "old B" which I'm really not feeling.

My guess is your mother based on her strong faith is terrified for your soul so although annoying it makes sense that she is persistent. I also agree with you and while I consider myself spiritual I have difficulty reconciling the tragedies in this world, mostly with helpless animals and children. Those I know with a strong faith in God say it doesn't work that way but I still find it unnerving.