Announcement

Collapse

WELCOME TO OUR NEW HOME!

Hello MSWorld Members,

Welcome to our new home! We hope you love it as much as we do!


we promise.

to offer current and relevant information.

to grow a community built on positive and affirming support.

to showcase member creativity.

to provide safe chat rooms.

to provide well moderated forums.


we believe that what we give as a community comes back to us.

welcome to MSWorld on this journey through a different lens. together. we are msworld.
we are. community.


We appreciate your understanding as we finalize our new home. Our arcade is still currently under construction and won’t be available for a while. Thank you for your patience while we prepare a new and improved arcade for you.

enjoy our new home.

support reimagined.
See more
See less

The grass isn't always greener...

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    The grass isn't always greener...

    Hi

    I haven't been in here literally for years. I came in when was first diagnosed several years ago.

    I was married than, yet I let the MS get the best of me and it kinda ruined my marriage. We've been separated 7 years. Never got the legal divorce, not sure why. I just knew I'd never get married again.

    My mom recently passed, watching the love between her and my dad till her final moments was sad and touching.

    My ex called a week later, out of the blue sick. In hospital himself. We have been talking, and he said you work ft now? I said yup I'm a singe parent (not his child:1st marriage) and have tons of bills. He was shocked because I didn't work back than. I didn't push.

    I think when that diagnosis first comes thru it's shocking. I think it takes time for us to process, adjust etc

    I've been without him for 7 years, and I thought wow single will be great! Lol um no! Sure I've grown up a lot, had to stand on my own two feet.

    Yet nothing beats having a person who loves you, and is there for you through thick and thin.

    We are having a real date this weekend. Anyone else's marriage fall apart after diagnosis and come back to survive?

    Hoping everyone's happy and healthy ❤️
    Jen Dx'd 5/11
    "Live each day as if it were your last"

    #2
    Originally posted by sunshine008 View Post
    Yet nothing beats having a person who loves you, and is there for you through thick and thin.

    We are having a real date this weekend. Anyone else's marriage fall apart after diagnosis and come back to survive?

    Hoping everyone's happy and healthy ❤️
    Just want to say thank you for the inspiration. It sounds like you have a lot to be proud of following your diagnosis, and that you could be great for someone Wishing you the best with your erstwhile ex <3

    ~~ G
    All the best, ~G

    Comment


      #3
      What an inspiring story, hope you two have a great date and more to follow.
      Jen
      RRMS 2005, Copaxone since 2007
      "I hope to be the person my dog thinks I am."

      Comment


        #4
        Thanks to both of you. Not sure if it's inspirational or just crazy lol.

        That's why was wondering if anyone else out theres marriage survived after not surviving? 😜
        Jen Dx'd 5/11
        "Live each day as if it were your last"

        Comment


          #5
          My wife understood and was cool with it when I was diagnosed four or five years ago.

          I wasn't sure of the diagnosis at first (limbo) but talked to her as soon as I had one. If they're okay with it, don't cross them off your list.

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by sunshine008 View Post
            That's why was wondering if anyone else out theres marriage survived after not surviving? 😜
            Not exactly. But, sort of.

            My husband and I have been married for 34 years. 17 of those years have been with MS.

            The first 17 years (the years before MS) were mostly good -- moving through various stages of marriage -- from newly weds to parenting (we waited for 5 years to have kids), etc.

            The next 17 years had some ups and downs. My MS, for its first 6-8 years, presented some a-typical symptoms during MS flares -- manic thoughts and behavior. These manic flares usually required hospitalization in a mental health facility for 1 or 2 or 3 weeks each time. My husband and I went through some pretty challenging years, related to my occasional but somewhat regular (once or twice a year) inappropriate, and sometimes, alarming, behavior.

            Most years, we just fought our way through the challenging times, and then did sort-of-OK until the next challenge. But, I believe that my husband seriously considered leaving at one point. And, there were certainly many months (or longer?) when, although I remained committed to being married, and I hoped we could get through it, that I absolutely no longer liked him. My MS changed us both. In the past, not always for the better.

            We went through a lot of marriage counselling; I also went through individual counselling. I'm not always sure that our counselor was a good match for us, or how much she helped. But, I think that us choosing to go through the motions and the effort probably helped confirm to both of us that neither one of us was really willing to give up. I am grateful that we both stuck it out.

            A change in DMD's (disease modifying medications) changed the way my brain responded to flares -- changed symptoms, changed frequency and severity of flares, etc, etc. I haven't had even a minor flare since 2014. I haven't been hospitalized or had a major manic flare since 2008, ten years ago.

            Things have felt stable and good for quite awhile now. Our children are adults. Our son, age 27, lives with us, and, after a few years of trying to figure out what he wants to do "when he grows" up, he is returning to college, part time, after previously dropping out 3 times. This time, he is doing well. He is ace-ing a class (with a high A) that he previously flunked because he didn't attend class regularly and didn't do his assignments. He's always been a good kid who had a big heart and doesn't get into trouble. He just floundered for awhile, trying to find a direction.

            He lives with us, and, for now, that still works for all of us. He helps out around the house and yard; he contributes to his expenses. It helps both us and him financially. He's good at saving money, even with a fairly low income. He'll have enough to put a down payment on a house when his income allows him to be able to afford a monthly mortgage payment and living expenses.

            My daughter is 29. She is happily married (in spite of living with a lot of parental marriage tension between me and my husband during her teen-age years), and they have two little boys. After completing her second one-year paid maternity leave (in Canada), she recently returned to work as a nurse. Her husband is the full time stay-at-home parent; that seems to work well for their family.

            Grandparenting is awesome for both me and my husband. I can't imagine going through this stage without him.

            Sorry this is so long. But, I thought some back-story was needed for you to get an accurate picture of what it's been like for us and how things can, indeed, get better.
            ~ Faith
            MSWorld Volunteer -- Moderator since JUN2012
            (now a Mimibug)

            Symptoms began in JAN02
            - Dx with RRMS in OCT03, following 21 months of limbo, ruling out lots of other dx, and some "probable stroke" and "probable CNS" dx for awhile.
            - In 2008, I was back in limbo briefly, then re-dx w/ MS: JUL08
            .

            - Betaseron NOV03-AUG08; Copaxone20 SEPT08-APR15; Copaxone40 APR15-present
            - Began receiving SSDI / LTD NOV08. Not employed. I volunteer in my church and community.

            Comment


              #7
              Hi

              Sounds like you two have gone through quite a bit and weathered all the storms.

              Grandparenting is the best! I'm a Grandma also of a perfect 7 month old little girl that I'm so in love with.

              I'm happy to say my husband and I have been dating. It was odd at first, 7 year is a long time apart. Yet now it's as if there was no time lapse. We can sit and talk for 2 hours just like we used to. So far so good!

              We are going slow though there's no rush. Once my kids and his kids find out and the families we need to be connected enough to handle all their emotions about it 😊

              Thanks for sharing your story ❤️





              QUOTE=Mamabug;1515216]Not exactly. But, sort of.

              My husband and I have been married for 34 years. 17 of those years have been with MS.

              The first 17 years (the years before MS) were mostly good -- moving through various stages of marriage -- from newly weds to parenting (we waited for 5 years to have kids), etc.

              The next 17 years had some ups and downs. My MS, for its first 6-8 years, presented some a-typical symptoms during MS flares -- manic thoughts and behavior. These manic flares usually required hospitalization in a mental health facility for 1 or 2 or 3 weeks each time. My husband and I went through some pretty challenging years, related to my occasional but somewhat regular (once or twice a year) inappropriate, and sometimes, alarming, behavior.

              Most years, we just fought our way through the challenging times, and then did sort-of-OK until the next challenge. But, I believe that my husband seriously considered leaving at one point. And, there were certainly many months (or longer?) when, although I remained committed to being married, and I hoped we could get through it, that I absolutely no longer liked him. My MS changed us both. In the past, not always for the better.

              We went through a lot of marriage counselling; I also went through individual counselling. I'm not always sure that our counselor was a good match for us, or how much she helped. But, I think that us choosing to go through the motions and the effort probably helped confirm to both of us that neither one of us was really willing to give up. I am grateful that we both stuck it out.

              A change in DMD's (disease modifying medications) changed the way my brain responded to flares -- changed symptoms, changed frequency and severity of flares, etc, etc. I haven't had even a minor flare since 2014. I haven't been hospitalized or had a major manic flare since 2008, ten years ago.

              Things have felt stable and good for quite awhile now. Our children are adults. Our son, age 27, lives with us, and, after a few years of trying to figure out what he wants to do "when he grows" up, he is returning to college, part time, after previously dropping out 3 times. This time, he is doing well. He is ace-ing a class (with a high A) that he previously flunked because he didn't attend class regularly and didn't do his assignments. He's always been a good kid who had a big heart and doesn't get into trouble. He just floundered for awhile, trying to find a direction.

              He lives with us, and, for now, that still works for all of us. He helps out around the house and yard; he contributes to his expenses. It helps both us and him financially. He's good at saving money, even with a fairly low income. He'll have enough to put a down payment on a house when his income allows him to be able to afford a monthly mortgage payment and living expenses.

              My daughter is 29. She is happily married (in spite of living with a lot of parental marriage tension between me and my husband during her teen-age years), and they have two little boys. After completing her second one-year paid maternity leave (in Canada), she recently returned to work as a nurse. Her husband is the full time stay-at-home parent; that seems to work well for their family.

              Grandparenting is awesome for both me and my husband. I can't imagine going through this stage without him.

              Sorry this is so long. But, I thought some back-story was needed for you to get an accurate picture of what it's been like for us and how things can, indeed, get better.[/QUOTE]
              Jen Dx'd 5/11
              "Live each day as if it were your last"

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by sunshine008 View Post
                ...

                I'm happy to say my husband and I have been dating. It was odd at first, 7 year is a long time apart. Yet now it's as if there was no time lapse. We can sit and talk for 2 hours just like we used to. So far so good!

                We are going slow though there's no rush. Once my kids and his kids find out and the families we need to be connected enough to handle all their emotions about it 😊

                Thanks for sharing your story ❤️
                You're welcome. I'm glad for you and your husband, that re-establishing your relationship seems to be going in a healthy direction.

                I saw an interview on YouTube once, with Donnie and Marie, where Marie Osmond talked about two divorces. Sometime after her second divorce, she and her first husband remarried. I'm not sure who did the interview -- maybe Oprah?
                ~ Faith
                MSWorld Volunteer -- Moderator since JUN2012
                (now a Mimibug)

                Symptoms began in JAN02
                - Dx with RRMS in OCT03, following 21 months of limbo, ruling out lots of other dx, and some "probable stroke" and "probable CNS" dx for awhile.
                - In 2008, I was back in limbo briefly, then re-dx w/ MS: JUL08
                .

                - Betaseron NOV03-AUG08; Copaxone20 SEPT08-APR15; Copaxone40 APR15-present
                - Began receiving SSDI / LTD NOV08. Not employed. I volunteer in my church and community.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Yea probably Oprah lol she is the queen of that kind of stuff lol 😊

                  Yea it's kind of funny he's awesome, I was like hmm I totally remember why I married you 😜

                  My mom recently passed so that's been very hard to try to process. It was very sudden, she had just turned 70. Yet her connection to my step dad, watching that amazing connection for years yet especially at those laar moments is what kind of woke me up. Sounds super odd

                  😊




                  QUOTE=Mamabug;1515822]You're welcome. I'm glad for you and your husband, that re-establishing your relationship seems to be going in a healthy direction.

                  I saw an interview on YouTube once, with Donnie and Marie, where Marie Osmond talked about two divorces. Sometime after her second divorce, she and her first husband remarried. I'm not sure who did the interview -- maybe Oprah?[/QUOTE]
                  Jen Dx'd 5/11
                  "Live each day as if it were your last"

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Been there made that mistake

                    We’ve parted and come back ,several times. This is a lesson in true love. We just celebrated our 29th anniversary, including breaks. ,the grass may be brown on both sides of the fence yet it I found it takes on a golden hue when shared.
                    M.S. has taught me this is about the long run and I do need help. I was strong minded and healthy when I was diagnosed almost 30yrs ago, I hit bottom and bounced arround up and down ,off it a lot ,I made a lot of mistakes ,even so she was alway there. Always kept me in her heart. Your letter brought a tear to my eyes when I read it. Being away for so long ,you’ve refound your friend and you’ll find it does not matter what color the grass is. Thank you for sharing!
                    Daniel

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by goldfish0.0 View Post
                      We’ve parted and come back ,several times. This is a lesson in true love. We just celebrated our 29th anniversary
                      Daniel
                      Thanks for sharing, Daniel. What a beautiful story. Life isn't always all black and white. Or all brown or green.

                      Sometimes it's shades. Or a variety if colors. Or plaids. Or paisleys.

                      Welcome to our message boards. It looks like maybe you've been around in chat for awhile.
                      ~ Faith
                      MSWorld Volunteer -- Moderator since JUN2012
                      (now a Mimibug)

                      Symptoms began in JAN02
                      - Dx with RRMS in OCT03, following 21 months of limbo, ruling out lots of other dx, and some "probable stroke" and "probable CNS" dx for awhile.
                      - In 2008, I was back in limbo briefly, then re-dx w/ MS: JUL08
                      .

                      - Betaseron NOV03-AUG08; Copaxone20 SEPT08-APR15; Copaxone40 APR15-present
                      - Began receiving SSDI / LTD NOV08. Not employed. I volunteer in my church and community.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        I love this thread. I'm so glad it started up again.

                        I've been a little depressed about my marriage lately and wondering if I should just call it quits. Kind of at that I'm pretty sure I hate you stage.

                        But when it's all said and done I need him. And once I've stopped hating him I'll probably remember why we're still together.

                        We'll be celebrating our 37th anniversary in a few months if we make it!
                        Ei

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Hi,
                          Been married 34 yrs this May.

                          Have had troubles- truly believe that anyone who says they haven't is lying to themselves- split a couple of times briefly years ago but we both were committed to our marriage (kind of like it was a valuable possession maybe) and did counselling and put a lot of work in, maybe neither of us was brave enough to go it alone either, and we seem to have made our way through the tumultuous teen years of married life and finally reached a more settled and comfortable stage.

                          Although we do yell at each other a bit - me because he's deaf!! him because the constant tinitis buzz in my ears blocks other sounds unless i'm looking at the person.
                          Its amusing that at a time in our lives when we could share more , we don't because we don't hear one another
                          Hope all goes well with you 2
                          Caroline

                          Comment

                          Working...
                          X