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I am fearing the worst

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    I am fearing the worst

    I been with this girl for 51/2 years and we are not legally married but in Canada its a common law relationship its treated almost the same. I bought the wedding ring and was gonna tie the not, I bought our house and start our family, then I got my diagnosis of RRMS and I am scared.

    She wants a daughter and be a stay at home mom, I cannot work right now like I used to and being the strong, male provider is definitely in jeopardy.

    I'm sure she is questioning a lot but she has been supportive in and outside the hospital as best she can among her high pressure teacher job I don't know where she stands which makes me uneasy. whenever I wanna talk about it she deflects it and blames my previous relationship mistakes (lies/trust) for her uncertainty not my MS, I apologized asked for forgiveness and I love her so much. I feel she looking for a way out maybe I dunno.

    I am newly diagnosed and soon to enter treatment, but I have all sorts of racing thoughts like:
    -Can I get back work in a different role? estimator or office work?
    -Can I ever drive? I just was driving a few days ago
    -Can start a family still? what kinda father will i Be?
    -Will my girlfriend leave me?

    I don't know what to do? and I am scared. My life was going good before now its all up in the air.

    Anyone have a story to share any advice? cause I feel really down and in fear of how my life will be.

    best to all.

    MS forces us to come to terms with an unknown future. In reality, healthy or not, noone knows what the future holds. We are just forced to deal with it. Right now is a highly emotional time for both of you. Given this, it is usually not the best time to make life decisions.

    There are many medications now that are designed to limit relapses and slow disability progression down. While true not everyone responds, many do. Many people continue to work in careers they were in previously, and some change jobs to adapt to their symptoms. Many are parents, participating fully. I wasn't able to drive for 6 months once 24 years ago, but have been driving ever since.

    Right now, try to take it a day at a time. At some point, if needed, you and your girlfriend can go to counseling and figure out whether to take the next step and what is really behind any reservations each of you may have. You really want to work thru this before any marriage and that you are marrying for the right reasons, not out of fear, guilt, etc...You also want to make sure your partner is in it for the long run and realizes the future she envisioned may be different. Both of you may be grieving this.

    But focus on the here and now right now. Learn what you can about MS and treatment options. Become your own best health advocate

    Hang in there a day at a time, hour by hour if need be.
    DX 01/06, currently on Tysabri



      Thank you Kathy, I truly believe that everything will be OK. I'm had a positive attitude since day 1 and will continue with that as that all I can control.


        Originally posted by Ant1981 View Post
        Thank you Kathy, I truly believe that everything will be OK. I'm had a positive attitude since day 1 and will continue with that as that all I can control.
        Sounds like you are ahead of the game already. Please continue to share here, the good, the bad, and the unknown! Your fears are all normal, so sharing with people who get it really does help.
        DX 01/06, currently on Tysabri


          Ant 1981, my personal experience has been that life absolutely changed in ways I would never have expected or chosen. My standard of living has not been as prosperous as it was before MS. But it's also not been as bad as I feared it would be either.

          So much depended on my willingness to compromise, lowering expectations and focusing on the 'prize'. The prize for me was being able to provide my family, aka my daughter, the best future that I could possibly provide under the circumstances. Things have turned out much better than I imagined possible when I first got sick. Life has been more changeling than I ever expected, but I think that would have been true even without MS.

          Be brave and the best to you and your family


            Hi ant1981. I completely understand what you are feeling.

            I became ill in 1998, 6 weeks before my wedding. I was having great difficult walking and really could not hold anything in my hands. I had to depend on my now husband, friends, and family to help take care of me. My neurologist gave me 10 years before I would end up in a wheel chair.

            I was very upset and didn't think it would be fair to my husband to have to worry about taking care of me (we were only in our 20's). We talked about it and I told him if he wanted to call off the wedding I would completely understand. His answer was, "I agreed to be there in sickness and health". He said if this happened after the wedding he would not leave me, so he was not even considering calling off the wedding.

            We we met with our pastor a few times which also helped. And got married as planned.

            Fastforward to now - we are still happily married. And I do think this disease has made us stronger as a couple. We both learned at a young age that life can change in an instant. This made us learn to not take anything for granted and to appreciate everything and everyone we have in our lives. We do not have any children, by choice. MS would not have stopped us from having children if that was what we wanted.

            There have been so many changes in treatment just in the past 19 years since I have been diagnosed. Because of this progress I am still 100% fully functional. I still work 40hours a week as a registered nurse. Unless people knew I had MS they would not even be able to tell. This disease has not prevented me or my husband from achieving anything that we wanted to.

            I know now it feels like your entire life is a giant roller coaster right now. But you both need to be honest with each other. Speak with a counselor or clergy to help you both open lines of communication.

            I honestly think this is something that you both can work through.

            Best St to both of you.