I grew up as a caretaker for my mother who has a similar disease to MS. I've been through the ringer on it a couple times. So yes, I'm sure I have some neurosis and when my wife was diagnosed 10 months ago, it freaked me out.
That being said, we've both been pretty unhappy and half fulfilled for many years. We talked about splitting before the diagnosis and she's said she is leaving me dozens of times, including 3-4 times this year.
I stopped fighting it. We have a 4 year old and it's gotten so bad, I fear for her happiness too. And a few months ago I decided I was going to do it.
I did today, and nearly the first thing that came out of her mouth was I was leaving her because she was sick.
She has a very mild form of MS. Only one relapse in 10 years (undiagnosed after the first attack). She is a 2 or 3 on the scale. She takes no drugs for it (yet) other than Tryptomer and some anti-depressents. It's still a serious thing, don't get me wrong, but she isn't disabled in any visible way.
She has parents she wanted to move back in with anyway, and we have enough money (my job pays well) that I can support her financially and I'm also willing to do so socially and with my time.
I still love and care for this person - but I'm far from being in love and we are no good together.
Spouses who have been in my shoes: What should I do or say? I feel *awful*. After she said that it just crumpled my heart up. I can't go back now, but I feel like I can't go forward either with her hating me for "abandoning" her.
My perfect scenario is we live near each-other, we do 50/50 custody and have a family dinner once every 2 weeks or something. Right now it seems more likely she will shut me out and hate me forever.
Advice?
That being said, we've both been pretty unhappy and half fulfilled for many years. We talked about splitting before the diagnosis and she's said she is leaving me dozens of times, including 3-4 times this year.
I stopped fighting it. We have a 4 year old and it's gotten so bad, I fear for her happiness too. And a few months ago I decided I was going to do it.
I did today, and nearly the first thing that came out of her mouth was I was leaving her because she was sick.
She has a very mild form of MS. Only one relapse in 10 years (undiagnosed after the first attack). She is a 2 or 3 on the scale. She takes no drugs for it (yet) other than Tryptomer and some anti-depressents. It's still a serious thing, don't get me wrong, but she isn't disabled in any visible way.
She has parents she wanted to move back in with anyway, and we have enough money (my job pays well) that I can support her financially and I'm also willing to do so socially and with my time.
I still love and care for this person - but I'm far from being in love and we are no good together.
Spouses who have been in my shoes: What should I do or say? I feel *awful*. After she said that it just crumpled my heart up. I can't go back now, but I feel like I can't go forward either with her hating me for "abandoning" her.
My perfect scenario is we live near each-other, we do 50/50 custody and have a family dinner once every 2 weeks or something. Right now it seems more likely she will shut me out and hate me forever.
Advice?
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