Divorce Papers......I can't do this anymors

[NYJenn]

AnnaMae--maybe you are better off without him. Good riddance! My husband and I are separated and heading for divorce. I have been living alone now for over 2 years.

You may find a sense of freedom by not having a spouse right now--use this time to focus on yourself. Look out for No. 1

As for him standing still and solemn at your court date, it's probably due to a male inability to show weakness or express emotion in public. He is hurting, too. Don't let his cool demeanor fool you.

He's the one who has to tell people that he divorced his wife who has MS. This will not endear him to many.

[loadedbutane]

Honestly I only read the first post due to my vision and attention span.

My mother had MS and ended up divorced from my dad after 25 years. In retrospect the MS had alot to do with it. It changed her personality just enough to make a difference.You add in all the psychiatric drugs she took and it only got worse. Noone ever really noticed because this went on from 1987ish for the next 20 years of her life.

I have been having numerous discussions with her family and my father and am learning about all mom's
"issues". It seems no matter how close you are to someone with MS you can never fully comprehend and react inappropriately. I happen to be "lucky" in that regard. My wife has a father with MS so she is more understanding than most.

Basically just keep your head up. Some people are just not capable of understanding. I know it doesnt make it any easier but remember its not your fault. I know it sounds cliche but it is very true.

[hunterd]

Today my I am signing my divorce papers. As I type this the tears are flowing down my face, I am devastated. I knew this day was coming but yet I am so much more upset that I thought I would be. I DON'T WANT THIS!

What did I do wrong...why did he go. I don't know if I can do this anymore, I feel lost. How can I do this alone, I don't want do be alone. This isn't fair, he's moving on....and I am suppose to fight this, I am tired of fighting...I'm tired of everything.

WELCOME ANNAMAE!!!!!!!! is so great to have you, but sorry why. I think we are the fortunate ones that have you. So sorry about your divorce.
You did absolutely nothing wrong! MS is not fair, it is also nondiscriminatory. I don't know of anyone that has MS that asked for it.
You are not alone either, we are here for you. We will help you every step of the way. Good luck to you.

[richchaviv]

Don't give up

Call a friend or close family, don't be alone, you need to know how important you are and what a wonderful person you are.

I am a guy and a lucky husband that my wife wont leave me. I tried, I mean I feel the man should work and support his wife and kids. I was dx 7yrs ago. wasnt that bad till about 3 yrs ago. I told my wife to leave me 3 times and implied it alot. I dont feel she deserve to be stuck with me. my point in all this is, she said our marriage vows were for better or worse. I am lucky cause almost every other woman would leave her husband and guys and vice versa. But if he would leave you because of this, he wasnt the right guy for you and the right one is out there. just have faith in GOD and he will get him to you. it might not be quick but he will. I am sorry for your pain. I did lose alot of friends myself or people i thought were friends who said they would be there no matter what for each other. I found out they were not really my friends but there were some who is there for me when I need to talk or get some coffee etc...etc... Stay strong he was not good enough for you and again i am sorry for your pain.

[AnnaMae7]

Hey I just to want to THANKS to all of you guys/gals for the kind words and support. I am doing ok! I know it will be hard and a bumpy road but I truly believe I am better off. Who leaves when someone is at one of the low points in their lives. I know I met for better or worse, in sickness and in health....but I was the only one. Granted he did take care of me and he for the most part was a good husband and a good and decent man, but this seemed to be to much for him and then he made bad choices. He is and will always be the father of my child and a good father he has been (again with the choices lately....hmmmm ....lol). But I will recover and move on....it will be hard at times, scary even, but I can do this, I will do this.....just watch me!!! Again thanks! Huggggs!!!!

[Cat Mom]

AnnaMae, you will do just fine. It's hard to make the choice to leave a difficult relationship, especially since he was a good husband and is a good father. It's better to call it quits before hatred sets in, it's way easier to co-parent and your child will be better off for it. That alone says what good parents you are... and you should be very proud of that!
Jen

[BigA]

Yes, it's a life change. They seem so impossibly large at the beginning, like when we get our diagnosis and we think our lives are over. Then, as humans do, we adapt. You will adapt and you can still have a great life.

Remember not to blame yourself. What's done is done and the past doesn't exist anymore. If you need help being kind to yourself (resist the urge to be too "real" with yourself), see a therapist - they do wonders.

You can and will get through this. Remember your strenghth and to be kind to yourself

[richchaviv]

Great to hear

AnnaMae, Glad to hear you are being positive and I agree a good therapist can to wonders. Just make sure the therapist is good for you. I have one and had to quit him but i got another one and she is great for me. I am a stubborn man I admit that, lol. and she would say it like it is. some people might say she is mean but she is what i needed to get through and deal with this M.S. may GOD bless you on your journey in the next part of your life.

[joekasper]

A mans view...

This might be the wrong area to post, but I can relate..

Believe me I know how you feel. Been married for 15 years with 3 beautiful boys. I was diagnosed 10 years ago I was "fine" tried to do as much as I could even though I got tired. Then 2 years ago I got a kidney stone according to my dr. the stone put so much stress on my body that it put me in hospital for 1 week and rehab for 6 weeks. Now I'm in a wheelchair relying on people to put me to bed get up bathed dress etc...

Fortunately I'm in a position to hire someone for that but it's straining my marriage. Wife does not want anything to do with me... She says she can't be a caregiver and wife. She is neither all she does is make my meals when I come home from work. I don't have to work but I do it to get out of house. Weekends really ***!!! Either I'm home with kids or by myself.

Wife goes out, she supposedly started doing reflexology and massages. I don't bennefit from either. She says she doesn't want to "lead me on" sexually. It would be nice to get physical intimacy and emotional intimacy but I don't!!!!! I get more emotional intimacy from my 14 year old twins and 9 year old then my wife.

I'm really thinking of divorce but I feel bad for my kids... My twins and wife argue all the time and then my wife yells at me for not saying anything. How can I say anything when my twins have a point. I feel as if I am being mentally abused Don't know what to dfo anymore!!!!!!

** Moderator's note - Post broken into paragraphs for easier reading. Many people with MS have visual difficulties that prevent them from reading large blocks of print. **

[richchaviv]

Joe, I do understand about your wife, my ex-wife wasnt there for me when I needed her. I am married again and my wife now is the greatest. My only suggestion is to find a good church and talk to the pastor or better yet pray to GOD he does want to help. May GOD bless you in all of this.

[aitch10]

i wanted to Thank You all for the support. I actually feel much better today. It was extremely emotional yesterday but I made it through it. I hung out it chat and believe me that really helped, i didn't feel so alone.

Today is another day and a new beginning, I know I will have bad days along with good ones but I will be stronger because of this. It was good just to cry and cry and cry.....eyes were swollen and sore but I needed it!
I was in the total wrong frame of mind, was thinking my loss is her (the new girlfriend's) gain, but actually his loss is my gain. He lost me and i found (gained) myself. I am a work in progress but it will be awesome. I think when it becomes final I will send him a thank you card and her a sympathy....lol too funny.

Once again Thanks! MSWorld ROCKS!!!!

What a great attitude!I'm so glad you're feeling better about everyting.