Where did my friends go?

[ruthr923]

I seem to have lost most of relationships since being diagnosed with MS last year. Of course in the beginning my life changed dramatically...I lost my job from because sick so often and had to move back home closer to family.

I admit I was preoccupied with being sick and dealing with the symptoms that the MS was causing and reaching out to others was not high on my priority list. I frequently heard from my friends at the beginning..."oh I would like to see you or I will come to see you" but nobody came. I understand that everybody has lives and other responsibilities but I have seen none of my friends since being diagnosed.

My question is how do I reach out to my friends and try to repair these relationships and how do I get over the hurt of my friends not being there for me?

[Mynamegoeshere1]

wow

It was like that was written by me. my opinion is, you find out who your friends are. ive always gone out of my way to be there for my friends, and its sad to see that NONE of them were there for me. ive had short term friends who have proven to be friends, but the ones who were around 10+ years are nowhere to be found when i need them.

[suzq]

This seems to be a theme in the messed up world of MS. I lost most of my friends over the years since my diagnosis. The more disabled I became the further away they moved. In our circle of friends I was always the one that was there with a shoulder to cry on and a sympathetic ear to listen to their problems. When I couldn't be as available, one by one they drifted away and the ones that stayed in contact call to tell me their problems and never even bother to ask how I am.

The funniest part is the one friend that everybody else thought was so shallow and stuck up is the one friend that still calls me after 25 years to see how I am.

So you really do find out who your real friends are when something like MS. Happens. The good news is there are so many great people out there to meet who will want to be your friends despite the MS.

[ruthr923]

Thank you

mynamegoeshere1 and suzq thank you guys for your frank answers...Im sorry you guys are going through this also, it is horrible to lose friendships! Believe it or not after I posted this I got a message from one of my friends I always thought would be there for me but I hadn't heard anything from since my diagnosis...the sad thing is I probably won't hear anything else for several months again. It just breaks my heart

[Jules A]

.the sad thing is I probably won't hear anything else for several months again. It just breaks my heart

If it makes you feel any better I only speak with one of my very best friends a couple of times a year. We have known each other over 30 years but just don't find the time to catch up more often. It isn't that either of us don't care or aren't interested.

The good news is even if it has been six months it feels just like yesterday when we start gabbing and catching up on the latest news.

I'm also wondering about the type of relationships people have with their friends. My closest friends are all very low drama. No financial difficulties or relationship scandals so I can't say that I have really spent much energy comforting or supporting them.

So although I would be very sad if our friendships disappeared I can't say I would feel as if they used me or didn't return my efforts.