Cognitive Challenges misunderstood

[buschel]

Everything I say, do and think lately have been taken way out of context. My husband has pointed out things I've done or said "wrong" and it totally shocks me and catches me off guard so I just look at him, confused, because in my head I had nothing but good intentions.

Does anyone have problems with any personal relationships due to that other person NOT understanding our cognitive challenges? I have problems with word-finding, speaking sentences out of order, using wrong words or phrases or just spewing out something that comes out worse than it sounded in my head.

I've really been working at trying to think it all out before I speak but sometimes I don't/can't and my husband has gotten so offended several times over something that should have been totally innocent. Our marriage is kind of hanging by a thread right now and I'm desperately trying to make things work and show him the better person in me but he is either forgetting or not taking into account (or not believing) that my thought process and wording is a mess due to cognitive dysfunction. That and fatigue are my biggest issues in MS. I just want and need him to understand.
E

[Aneres]

My fiancé has a lot of Cognitive problems though I can't say anything to something he said coming out bad, besides him cussing when he can't finish his thought process. He stutters, and I have to wait for him to speak it out or finish his sentence for him. Many times he'll say something that's jumbled and I'm like, huh what? and he'll have to take a moment and figure out how to say it. And of course not being able to pull his thoughts together.

So you are not alone with the Cognitive issues. Sure I sometimes get annoyed waiting for him to finish a sentence at times but I do know he is trying and its not his fault.

Have you tried showing him a report on MS? Like I wrote a research paper so my guy's teacher could read a compressed paper of MS instead of having to shift through a lot of info on the net. That's all I can really think of unless you can get him to go to a MS support meeting, then they can share their problems as well and show him that you are not alone in this, that its quite common.

[jayjee]

Just a thought...have you tried researching the cognition and speech Topics and printing out select letters that relate to your experiences; then share them? Might be better than trying to educate him on entire MS view...also show that there are others with the same problems. Worth a shot?

[maitrimama]

15 second delay

It often takes me a little bit to get my thoughts and words together before I say anything. I explained it to my dad just that way, it is like my mind is on a 15 second delay like they have on radio and tv.

I think it scares him more than me, he is used to his highly educated, articulate daughter who has never been at a loss for words.

[dann]

thought

I have been doing brain games on AARP and other web sites.......helps keep neurons moving around!

[tommylee]

Everything I say, do and think lately have been taken way out of context. My husband has pointed out things I've done or said "wrong" and it totally shocks me and catches me off guard so I just look at him, confused, because in my head I had nothing but good intentions.

Yes.
My wife is the same way.
No matter what I say, if there is a dark way to inturpit it, she will. She is angry at me all the time.

For years I thought I was going nuts and must be a real jerk, but then my son starting to complain about it also.

He just pointed out that Mom always makes him feel like crap.
He went on to say he sees no point in talking to her because she always gets angry.

Perhaps it is a coping method?
I am the one with MS. She is the one that is ticked off all the time.

She tells me she loves me everyday.
She acts like she does not even like me.

It may not be you at all?

Just because you have MS does not mean your husband can't be a little wacky?

Try not to stress over it. There is a very good chance its not you. (It seems to help us if we speak less.)

[owlnona]

I have trouble trying to find the word I want. My DD will say " Just spit it out Mom". She understands but is in a hurry,so I get flustered & can't get the words out.
Just another MonSter issue!

[empirerecs]

I have similar problems finding words, not too badly yet, but I can tell it's getting worse. But my BF continuously tells me I forgot things I said, whole conversations, big things. I know I didn't - I still have a memory for most things.

He has a more disabling disease and between that and his meds his memory is horrible. I didn't say much at first and worked around it, was very nice, but now that I have "such horrible memory problems" I'm not that nice anymore.

We both get on eachothers' nerves about this. I'm not sure how it will work out, I cry a lot when he's not around, I don't know how to "do" those kinds of talks.

It's a sad subject but I guess I'm glad there are others dealing with the same things.

[buschel]

Yes.
My wife is the same way.
No matter what I say, if there is a dark way to inturpit it, she will. She is angry at me all the time.

For years I thought I was going nuts and must be a real jerk, but then my son starting to complain about it also.

He just pointed out that Mom always makes him feel like crap.
He went on to say he sees no point in talking to her because she always gets angry.

Perhaps it is a coping method?
I am the one with MS. She is the one that is ticked off all the time.

She tells me she loves me everyday.
She acts like she does not even like me.

It may not be you at all?

Just because you have MS does not mean your husband can't be a little wacky?

Try not to stress over it. There is a very good chance its not you. (It seems to help us if we speak less.)[/QUOTE]

[buschel]

Hit the nail on the head Tommy Lee...

Tommy Lee, I tried quoting part of your post but I don't think I did it right. You are so right on with what you said. No matter how far I'm bending backwards trying to make him happy, because I want nothing more than to make him happy, he still manages to find something negative or evil behind my intentions. It's like I just can't win. Things I say with pure innocence are all of a sudden said with an attitude to him, the way I look at him with love in my eyes become dirty looks to him, Any time I ask a question he thinks it's suspicious. I just don't know what to do. It's so frustrating and it's driving me crazy. I feel like he does not even like me, much less love me. He won't even give me a chance to be the wife who is head over heels in love with him to him because he automatically assumes I'll screw something up or that I am being manipulative. Makes me so sad.


Jayjee, I liked your idea too, I think I'm going to do some research and find some simple but grasping articles on the cognitive issues.

Thanks everyone!
God Bless.