I know I can't do it all

[bsymom]

I've been a mother and wife for 18 years. DH has been our sole provider. In the last few weeks, he's been unable to work. This is taking a great toll on him. He's lucky enough, for now, to have unemployment. I'm going crazy trying to figure out where I go from here. We have 3 teenage daughters, 1 of whom is pregnant, and a 10 year old son. There seems to be an issue in our house daily, and no matter how many times I tell my girls they need to lay off because Dad can't handle it, they don't get it. I want to get a job for the sake of income, but he can't handle the kids. He's experiencing the hug and every time the kids get started (the 15 year old LOVES to argue with us), his hug gets unbearable. And, of course there are things he doesn't feel comfortable asking the kids to help him with. Any advice? BTW, I could MAYBE earn 1/3 of what he has been making.

[Spydre]

It's hard when someone goes from being the breadwinner to being supported. It certainly sounds as if you and your husband have a boatload of stress on top of it. I hope your husband feels better soon.

[bsymom]

Thank you. We do!!! I know not as much as some, but it's still hard.

[Des]

Welcome, bsymom! I'm guessing the bsy stands for busy, but maybe you should change it to bossy. You have 4 kids, and the youngest is 10? They are not babies who need to have everything done for them. They should be taking care of the home and family, not just causing trouble.

Our oldest daughter got pregnant when she was 17 and still in high school. Then our 15 year old son got his girlfriend pregnant. They had a baby 9 months after his sister did. This was the same year I was dxd, so it was pretty stressful.

I found that having family meetings helped a bit in keeping the temperature in the house calmer and quieter than it usually was. We had lists of who was responsible for what, and the consequences if they didn't do it. Of course there were still fights and blow-ups (they were teenagers after all), but my DH and I would point to the list and go over things again.

Our son actually told me recently he didn't know how we did it all when taking care of one kid wore him out. I told him comments like that helped.

[Jules A]

I want to get a job for the sake of income, but he can't handle the kids.

Any advice? BTW, I could MAYBE earn 1/3 of what he has been making.

Yup get the job. Your teenagers don't need a babysitter, if they are 16 they need their own job and if not they can atch their 10 year old brother.

Even 1/3 is better than no income and with MS you never know when his career might end so if you have something going on and your finances are in decent shape it will makes things easier to transition.

It sounds like things are kind of out of control in your house so setting some firm ground rules now with regard to pitching in and reproductive responsibility will make things better in the long run. Wishing you the best.

[kif8skip]

Wow - hands full - do you have any family or neighbours willing to pitch in a bit - and yes the kids will certainly have to take on more personal responsibility ....

I am big on reaching out in the community to give and get help , perhaps your local MS chapter or community service can hook you up with some much needed help?

Peace