Too hard on my DH

[KalikaLily]

Although I am Newley diagnosed, I have been in rough shape for a long time.
When my DH and I met, he was injured, and was unable to work very shortly after we started dating. Being head over heels in love (and only 20) I had him move in with me because he had nowhere else to go.
I worked, paid all the bills, including his car payments that he could not make (keep in mind, we knew each other maybe three months) although he did dishes and watched my son while I worked, it was still hard to come home, cook, be a momma, take care of him and be broke paying bills I did not have before, all on a bartenders wage.
Eventually, things got better and life was good.
Shortly after, I got pregnant and had my daughter, and almost immediately my health started to go downhill. I had mastitis (mast the size of a tennis ball!!!) and then 'labrynthitis' which turned out to be a MS flare that lasted three months. Shortly after that I had yet another attack, and was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia.
That in itself is hard. But things got worse. And now, three years since my daughter, and I am bed ridden.
I'm sorry for such a long story, I guess I am just worried about my DH.
I spent six months taking care of him, working and everything else and I was going crazy. Now he has been taking care of me for three years and I am so worried about him. He tells ms he loves ms all the time, and that he does not blame mentor any of this, but I know there must be resentment in there somewhere. A little bit of hate and regret. I almost feel like I should.... I don't know. Push him away for his own good, even though I love and need him.
I think I am just scared.
Thank you to anyone who read my little story
<3 love to all
Heather

[Des]

I worked, paid all the bills, including his car payments that he could not make (keep in mind, we knew each other maybe three months) although he did dishes and watched my son while I worked, it was still hard to come home, cook, be a momma, take care of him and be broke paying bills I did not have before, all on a bartenders wage.
I'm sorry for such a long story, I guess I am just worried about my DH.
He tells ms he loves ms all the time, and that he does not blame mentor any of this, but I know there must be resentment in there somewhere. A little bit of hate and regret. Heather

Did y9u hate HIM when you were taking care of him? It doesn't sound like it. Maybe you were mad about the circumstances, but you did not hate him. He tells you he loves you. Maybe you should take his word for it.

With my DH, I find that he appreciates me telling him a lot how much I appreciate him and what he does for us. I think he just wants me to notice how much he does. I try to, but sometimes I need a good reminder (like this, thank you).

How are your kids?

[KalikaLily]

No, of course I didn't hate him. And at least with that situation, I knew it would end. I'm just scared that one of these days he is going to realize that this is going to be like this for the rest of our lives.
The kids are ok. Kalika doesn't understand (except to ask me if I am sick every single morning) and loves the fact that she can come and jump in bed with me and snuggle any time she wants.
As for Blaze, who is seven, he is amazing. I got him a little book called 'My Mommy has MS' an it does a wonderful job of explainig why a lot of the time mommy is tired, not feeling well and why sometimes I am just plain irritable. He reads it atleast once a week Just as kind of a reminder to himself, and is such a little gentleman when it comes to offering ms water, an ice pack, or even helping with Kalika.
I have an amazing little family, and I guess I am just going through the initial fear of it disappearing

[kif8skip]

My man feels much the same as you -worried I am going to "jump ship" .....He has passed me a "get out of jail" card several times over the past 3 1/2 years since I have been with him.....

I am pissed off at the disease for sure , but not my man......you have a much longer relationship with your DH and while us supporters do have our share of fears and anger, I am sure you do as well.

For me , I am just trying for acceptance, and move forward with the best of intentions .

Would a good long honest talk about these feelings with your DH will help to clear the air ?

Peace

[oso49]

Relating...

WOW!!! Lots of emotion in these posts.

I re-married about three years ago to a woman who all her life scrimped and scratched at making a living to take care of her kids. (I'm 62; she's 55)

She was bilked out of almost all her retirment savings (which wasn't very much) by an ex-husband who I'm now trying to track down.

My plan was to take care of this wonderful woman, provide her with things she never had an opportunity to have, take her places she's longed to see and do things she would otherwise not have an opportunity to do.

Well, my plans are changing because of the FREAKIN' MS. We don't know what the future holds so we're now reviewing our income, expenses and retirement. I am so depressed...and feeling so guilty...that quite possibly I won't be able to do for her all I want to do...all she deserves.

And she looks up at me...puts her tiny hands on my cheeks, looks me in the eyes and says, "It's ok, God planned this."

My point? Love. True, solid, unconditional, never ending love.

[Imagine]

None of us knows what the future holds. I try, try being the operative word, to stay in the moment, b/c RIGHT NOW is all anyone has. Try not to waste precious energy worrying about losing anything... and embrace what's right there. Good Luck. Try not to fear being happy
Shalom, Suz