it's official......

[sunshine008]

hi i haven't been around much i hope everyone's well.

So, a new chapter of my life is going to begin very soon. I registered for online college today and took out sooo very many loans for it lol. in 3 short years i'll be a therapist! scary right me helping others?? lol i'm much better in person though....

I've also applied for disablility hoping it goes thru. i'm slowly making long term decisions for myself, not my husband and I. If you remember i was posting about him going to dr. etc. funny thing the dr. cancelled the last appt! that we waited a mos. for. long story short since than he's had one episode where to be very honest he was verbally abusive to me unlike never before.

so i'm now lining up my world so that if he doesnt go to dr get help he needs (he's also horribly depressed; which is NO excuse though) i'm leaving or will kick him out.

ms single and with a special needs child alone wasnt my "plan" yet i think this is one of those you have to trust in the higher power at this point sort of things.

i'm excited to start school, i'm also trying to start a small photography business on the side. ive found a new passion to replace the one i can no longer do which is horse back riding. so it is true you can make new dreams where the others fall off.

anyway wish me luck, i'm excited and scared at the same time to be making plans alone like this, saving money secretly all soo not me! it is sad, i love him yet i love me more. he has alot of work to do and it's going to be a long road for him if he choses to do it. he's got alot of healing to do so my therapist says. I think my stepkids not being "allowed" here anymore is what pushed it really off the charts. Yet he still talks to his ex wife, so as you can see alot of issues there......

just wanted to update ... it's nice to be able to come here and get stuff off my chest

[Spydre]

I'm glad you are taking these steps, although I'm sad you feel you have to take them.

As far as disability goes, how long have you been a stay at home mom? That will affect what you can get. If you haven't worked at all in the past 10 years, you are only eligible for SSI, not disability - and that's not just disability based, but household income based as well. My husband's cousin was receiving SSI when she got married. Her new husband's income kicked her out of SSI eligibility, so they actually got divorced so that they could make ends meet financially (although he continued to live with her).

I hope for his sake, your sake, and all the kids' sake your husband get the help that he needs, truly. If he's still talking to his ex-wife, that could be a good thing, it could ease the way, so to speak. All the divorces in my family (and my husband's family) were very bitter and acrimonious, and that just made things harder where children were involved.

Good luck.

[sunshine008]

hi I think it's important to also for my daughter. she shouldn't have to hear that type of stuff. not the plan as i said yet sometimes you just have to do what you have to do.

i think either way it goes ill be a better person in the end for it. it's about self respect, marriages' have ups and downs yet abuse is just abuse at the end of the day. i deserve so much better than that.

so im just going to go ahead with my plan to become independent, and stop waiting on what he'll do or wont' do.

i hope all's well for you.

[Jules A]

Kudos for being forward in your thinking! I have heard that if you are officially disabled you can attend many colleges for free. Please, and this is advice I give people MS or not, do not get sucked into the trap of thinking that debt for education is "good debt" and not being sensible.

I'm all about getting educatated so we can have appropriate jobs that will ensure us the longest term of employment possible and also went to school for this purpose after being diagnosed however IMO there is no "good debt" and kidding ourselves into taking this path often results in disaster ie. the mortgage debacle our counry is presently facing.

[hunterd]

'ms single and with a special needs child alone wasnt my "plan" yet i think this is one of those you have to trust in the higher power at this point sort of things.'
"the best laid plans of mice and men often go astray." c. dickenson.
i could go on and on with these kind of quotes, but they won`t change anything. i just wanted you to know that whatever happens, we have your back. good luck.

dave

[Windwalker]

i think either way it goes ill be a better person in the end for it. it's about self respect, marriages' have ups and downs yet abuse is just abuse at the end of the day. i deserve so much better than that.

so im just going to go ahead with my plan to become independent, and stop waiting on what he'll do or wont' do.

I think you nailed it. I can feel the empowerment in your posts. I wish you all the luck in the world. Stay strong.

[Spydre]

I think you nailed it. I can feel the empowerment in your posts. I wish you all the luck in the world. Stay strong.

I agree. And you are thinking about your daughter, and her needs as well as your own. Good luck, and hopefully getting your ducks in a row doesn't take too long, and your daughter gets stable.

[sunshine008]

hi guys

first, thank you how very supportive and nice of all of you. Yes ducks are lining up very nicely. Yet it will take time till they take formation. Loans, school, disability, etc.

my daughter is all by herself right now unstable, we are awaiting a new and yes very scary med for her. yet pharmacy has to order it. so she'll be starting school unmedicated which is a very scary thought.

As far as the rest of it goes, the husband went to his appointment and long and behold he told was told by the pyschiatrist that he does not recommend medication. that he recommends couples counseling. LOL

Now, i'm not saying we couldn't benefit from such at all, iv'e already suggested it. Yet truth is i'm kinda sitting here like what huh..? he's a smart man my husband, as i said good as gold when he's good yet when his anger kicks in a real nightmare.

so, i'm kinda sitting here now waiting for him to return from dr so we can take my daughter clothes shopping and saying did i just get snowed yet again?

i know the office well, it's where my daughter goes to her dr. they medicate that is what pyschiatrist do medicate. so i'm beginning to think my husband went there, convinced this man he's sane, that it's my fault or just marital difficulties because as we all know no one walks out of a pysch's office without a script.

so, for now I move ahead with the no plan plan. just see how it goes keep lining my stuff up for singehood if his behaviors continue.

is it my lovely paranoia kicking in here on this one? pls plant me if so.... yet i'm feeilng very "taken for a ride" right now

[Sequoia]

It isn't true that "no one walks out of a psych's office without a script." Psychiatrists prescribe medication only when needed, and they recognize that in some cases talk therapy alone is the most appropriate way to go.

(Spoken as someone with very extensive experience with the profession.)

[sunshine008]

ok i see your point and maybe that stupid statement was out of frustration.

yet to be honest, this man has avoided the pysch like the plague for 5 years now. so i find it hard to believe that a he was "honest" about the way he can't control his frustrations when angered and communicate properly and explained in detail the havoc he causes when mad and the professional said your good no meds.

also he's been through 2 diff. therapists in the past for the same problem and basically convinced them all i'm the trigger and if it wasnt' for me he wouldn't get so angered. hmmm.......i just don't know. still feeling snowed.

[Windwalker]

so, for now I move ahead with the no plan plan. just see how it goes keep lining my stuff up for singehood if his behaviors continue.

is it my lovely paranoia kicking in here on this one? pls plant me if so.... yet i'm feeilng very "taken for a ride" right now

My opinion...keep lining things up and see how things go. You will only be "taken for a ride" if you scrap your preparations for independence and things don't change.

[Spydre]

One point I'd like to make - the money you are socking away, I hate to say it, but don't make an account for it, keep it in cash. Otherwise, when you leave, he could very well say it's joint property and take part of it.