Parents with Teenagers

[pocoapoco]

I have a 15 and 19 year old. My 19 year old is a boy (man) and my 15 year old is a girl. They are both frustrated with my issues of having to adapt with mom having MS. They are great and kind children, but I'm having issues with my daughter. I think she is going thru the hormonal changes and she gets easily frustrated with me. She doesn't want to help me and even help around the house. I want to give up, but I never give up! Any suggestions is greatly appreciated!

[heliotrope]

I'm a little past the teen years, but close enough to remember them well! My parents used a trick that worked pretty well... Not cleaning up after me. My laundry got left in the wash; my ironing wasn't done. I hated it (and my parents heard), but I eventually got the message. If I didn't clean up, it wasn't going to get done - period. Upside? When I hit college, I knew how to wash my clothes.

[Scooter24]

Sounds like to me it is time for them to grow up, life is going to throw alot of things thier way that they will not like, life sucks, the world sucks, get over it and move on.

[SNOOPY]

Hi pocoapoco,

I think getting teenagers to help or do chores is a universal problem and not so much MS based

What worked best for me: they were not allowed to do what they wanted to do until they did what I wanted them to do: no going out with friends/having friends over, no TV/video games, shopping, ect.

We also did chore charts. This allowed them to know what was expected each day before they could take off and do what they wanted.

I have 2 kids, my daughter is 19 and my son is 21. I feel boys are much easier to deal with than girls, girls are way to emotional, crabby and hormonal

[sunshine008]

I soo agree on that, boys are alot easier than girls. I do the natural consequence thing too.

If you dont' wash your clothes, they'll be dirty and if you dont' shower you'll smell. My daughter has hygiene issues, loves to look good yet i have to debate with her for 30 min to get into the shower.

I also do the chore list thing, and if she doesn't do it than no out.

I too hoped they'd just be supportive especially with the whole MS thing yet unfortunately kids dont' always anti up they way in which we'd like with that compassionate non self centered thing.

good luck, try not to get too upset. i keep telling myself there will come a day i'll actually miss this.... lol. because they really do grow up fast and the years seem to go flying by.

[cosake]

When I'm having a particular medical issue, my boys (almost 13 and 15 and 1/2) are both very helpful and ask me what they can do to help. They were my lifelines during the 6 weeks I was laid up with kidney stone issues and went through 5 procedures.

If I'm not having problems, however, I have to nag quite a bit.

I tell them that if they are going to live in my house, they are going to do what I say. Or, they will have no computer, TV, ipod, etc. The only problem with that is that I can't take away books - and they both love to read ! So, sometimes that backfires on me.

I do wish they would do more on their own without being asked, but I know they need to mature a little more before they can do that.

They both help with laundry, dishes, setting/clearing the table and vacuuming. They haven't quite learned how to clean the toilets to my standards yet but we are working on that too.

[cliknpuff]

teenagers

I am a single mother of two teenage boys 19/15. I too have had issues with them not helping around the house. I work a full time job in an office, drive a bus part time during the school year and clean houses on the side to make extra money(not that there is ever "extra" ) but it was like pulling teeth to get my boys to do anything around the house but make a mess for me to clean up. I have started a new chore chart as suggested by others and it does seem to work much better than the normal arguing and begging I used to have to do I really think that my boys think that I am fine because I am getting up everyday and going to work and doing all that I have to do. Trouble is that couldn't be further from the truth, I deal with my symptoms because I have no choice, I can't lay around and rest when I need to because I have no one to help me raise my kids or provide for them. I hope you find away to reach your kids and I hope they start to help you out more because its tough enough to handle teenagers when you don't have MS, I know its a struggle for us MSers. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers

[Cat Mom]

Teenagers, what a strange species! I have 2 daughters (20 and 25), 1 son (22) and 3 step sons (16, 17 and 19). My oldest daughter and son live on their own but the other 4 live at home with us. Sometimes I feel like the den mother of some fraternity!

My only piece of advice is to find their "currency", they all have one. Whether it's having friends over, using the car, going out, etc. Once you find it, use it for all its worth to get then to do chores.

Good luck!
Jen

[jojo18]

I am not a parent. but it seems to me that you have a normal 15 year old daughter.
i was one not that long ago (im 21), and i can remember what that is like. my suggestion is
1. a chart like has but stated previously and
2. taking away of privileges if chores don't get done. by privileges i mean cell phone, facebook, etc...

[Michela11]

I have a 15 and 19 year old. My 19 year old is a boy (man) and my 15 year old is a girl. They are both frustrated with my issues of having to adapt with mom having MS. They are great and kind children, but I'm having issues with my daughter. I think she is going thru the hormonal changes and she gets easily frustrated with me. She doesn't want to help me and even help around the house. I want to give up, but I never give up! Any suggestions is greatly appreciated!

It's a shame your kids are frustrated with adapting to your MS, and I hope they're a bit further along the road now.

I agree with other posters about encouraging self responsibility.

My son is almost 14. I told him a few months ago that I would wash his uniforms but towels, pyjamas and any other clothing he chose to wear, was his responsibility.

I would iron his school trousers and would show him how to do his shirts. If he ironed two shirts, I would do the others.

The key for me was sticking with it. Letting him go out in a crumpled t shirt if that's what he chose. Etc. And he did, for quite a while, till he became familiar with self responsibility. Now, he thinks ahead about what he'll wear and prepares himself, without being reminded (nagged!)

He has chores, as he's had for many years. Setting the table, clearing plates and doing the recycling.

And he still has plenty of time for homework, his music, the Internet and his games!

I haven't made it about my MS. It's about him learning basic things like washing and ironing, and time management.