mirey45 and others in the same, similar boat...
I can barely read your stories. In so many ways they hit too close to home. In others, I feel guilty for having felt so sorry for myself this past year. Of course, if I hadn't been feeling so miserable lately I never would have found this place today. Since I'm new here, I suppose I should introduce myself and my situation.
I'll be 34 this year and we'll celebrate our 9th anniversary not long after my birthday. Not long after that, we'll celebrate our daughter's 4th birthday.
My wife was once one of the strongest people I'd ever met. She worked harder (graduated from our private college with a 4.0), played with more abandon and cared more deeply than just about anyone. All of those traits, and then some, combined a few years ago when we decided to start our family. Like many couples, we had some difficulty conceiving. My wife was required to make some lifestyle changes for a time and she did so happily.
In time, our daughter was born. She was so perfect and we were so looking forward to wrapping her in our arms and surrounding her in love from that first moment. Unfortunately, I was the only one who got to do that the first few days. My wife went into congestive heart failure as labor began. Only through her OB's quick response and God's timing and grace was my wife's life spared. She spent the first 3 1/2 days of our daughter's life in ICU.
I'll never forget the moment I got to watch them meet one another face-to-face that Christmas Eve, and witnessed that bond form.
My wife's always been a workaholic, which is why I listed that trait first as I began to describe her. The wonderful thing about her, though, is that she pours that intensity into the effort she gives everything - not just her profession. She was an amazing mother from the start. She poured her everything into loving and caring for our daughter. I'd always been proud to call her my wife, but the joy I got knowing she's the mother of my child was indescribable.
Life eventually got simpler. My wife's health returned and her heart strengthened. She went back to work and juggled motherhood and profession like an old pro. She even managed to get a promotion.
Things took another downturn a January/February 2009, though. After the rapid onset of a series of severe symptoms and lengthy hospital stays, my wife was diagnosed with MS. Over the course of 38 days and, she had three separate stays totaling 23 days in the hospital. She spent another 4 of those 38 in an in-patient rehab facility.
The MS attacked both her body and mind. For a long time she wasn't herself, even once she started to improve. She wasn't able to care for herself, so she had to live an hour and a half away with my MIL while I kept our daughter at home and played single dad.
She's been "better" (and home) since August, but that's not saying a whole lot considering I once spoke to her PCP about needing to be told in no uncertain terms if things ever started to go downhill quickly.
She's lost a lot of her hearing. Her mental faculties have diminished greatly. Just got our daughter potty trained last summer and now my wife's in diapers. She's almost completely incontinent (both urinary and bowels). She's got no stamina. Her coordination's all but gone and she's had to stop driving. She's gone from a career-driven woman to staying at home watching the Game Show Network most of the day. It's like she aged 50 years in the span of a few weeks.
In short, I've gone from living a happy life with the woman of my dreams one minute to scraping by as a single parent to two "children" instead of one.
I don't know if it's the meds or her particular condition, but she stays "up" all the time. It's hard to live with someone so... oblivious. Especially when that person is supposed to be the one who "gets" you more than anyone else in the world. We rescued a puppy from the pound just a couple of months after we were married. She loved that dog as much as I did. We had to put it to sleep in January because of widespread cancer... and my wife couldn't understand why I was so upset.
Sometimes I think the hardest part is that she *has* recovered so much more than we once expected. Some days it seems she's so close to being the woman I fell in love with all those years ago, yet that only shines a brighter light on all the ways she isn't.
People who see her when we go to church or whatever, always say she's doing so well. She can get around on her own. She's always got a smile. Etc. Her family is great and there's no way I could have gone through this without them, but they refuse to acknowledge how much we've really lost of who she once was. I try so hard to share in their optimism that at least we still have what's left, but I hurt all the time.
I've felt so alone in all of this. Sometimes I wish my strength lay more in doing things for myself instead of doing for others. I want so much to run away. This isn't what I signed on for.
But it's not what she signed on for, either. Ditto for our daughter.
All our close friends have long since moved away. I have no time to make new ones. Family's no help emotionally / psychologically speaking. Don't have the time or money to see a therapist.
But I'm losing it. And it's only been a year. Mirey45's been dealing with this since the year I was born. I know a lot of you others have been dealing with it for a long time, too. I just had to stop reading after a while.
Anyway. I just wanted to introduce myself. I hate to know there are others out there experiencing anything close to what I am (if not worse), but knowing it does bring a small bit of comfort.
Peace to you all.
I can barely read your stories. In so many ways they hit too close to home. In others, I feel guilty for having felt so sorry for myself this past year. Of course, if I hadn't been feeling so miserable lately I never would have found this place today. Since I'm new here, I suppose I should introduce myself and my situation.
I'll be 34 this year and we'll celebrate our 9th anniversary not long after my birthday. Not long after that, we'll celebrate our daughter's 4th birthday.
My wife was once one of the strongest people I'd ever met. She worked harder (graduated from our private college with a 4.0), played with more abandon and cared more deeply than just about anyone. All of those traits, and then some, combined a few years ago when we decided to start our family. Like many couples, we had some difficulty conceiving. My wife was required to make some lifestyle changes for a time and she did so happily.
In time, our daughter was born. She was so perfect and we were so looking forward to wrapping her in our arms and surrounding her in love from that first moment. Unfortunately, I was the only one who got to do that the first few days. My wife went into congestive heart failure as labor began. Only through her OB's quick response and God's timing and grace was my wife's life spared. She spent the first 3 1/2 days of our daughter's life in ICU.
I'll never forget the moment I got to watch them meet one another face-to-face that Christmas Eve, and witnessed that bond form.
My wife's always been a workaholic, which is why I listed that trait first as I began to describe her. The wonderful thing about her, though, is that she pours that intensity into the effort she gives everything - not just her profession. She was an amazing mother from the start. She poured her everything into loving and caring for our daughter. I'd always been proud to call her my wife, but the joy I got knowing she's the mother of my child was indescribable.
Life eventually got simpler. My wife's health returned and her heart strengthened. She went back to work and juggled motherhood and profession like an old pro. She even managed to get a promotion.
Things took another downturn a January/February 2009, though. After the rapid onset of a series of severe symptoms and lengthy hospital stays, my wife was diagnosed with MS. Over the course of 38 days and, she had three separate stays totaling 23 days in the hospital. She spent another 4 of those 38 in an in-patient rehab facility.
The MS attacked both her body and mind. For a long time she wasn't herself, even once she started to improve. She wasn't able to care for herself, so she had to live an hour and a half away with my MIL while I kept our daughter at home and played single dad.
She's been "better" (and home) since August, but that's not saying a whole lot considering I once spoke to her PCP about needing to be told in no uncertain terms if things ever started to go downhill quickly.
She's lost a lot of her hearing. Her mental faculties have diminished greatly. Just got our daughter potty trained last summer and now my wife's in diapers. She's almost completely incontinent (both urinary and bowels). She's got no stamina. Her coordination's all but gone and she's had to stop driving. She's gone from a career-driven woman to staying at home watching the Game Show Network most of the day. It's like she aged 50 years in the span of a few weeks.
In short, I've gone from living a happy life with the woman of my dreams one minute to scraping by as a single parent to two "children" instead of one.
I don't know if it's the meds or her particular condition, but she stays "up" all the time. It's hard to live with someone so... oblivious. Especially when that person is supposed to be the one who "gets" you more than anyone else in the world. We rescued a puppy from the pound just a couple of months after we were married. She loved that dog as much as I did. We had to put it to sleep in January because of widespread cancer... and my wife couldn't understand why I was so upset.
Sometimes I think the hardest part is that she *has* recovered so much more than we once expected. Some days it seems she's so close to being the woman I fell in love with all those years ago, yet that only shines a brighter light on all the ways she isn't.
People who see her when we go to church or whatever, always say she's doing so well. She can get around on her own. She's always got a smile. Etc. Her family is great and there's no way I could have gone through this without them, but they refuse to acknowledge how much we've really lost of who she once was. I try so hard to share in their optimism that at least we still have what's left, but I hurt all the time.
I've felt so alone in all of this. Sometimes I wish my strength lay more in doing things for myself instead of doing for others. I want so much to run away. This isn't what I signed on for.
But it's not what she signed on for, either. Ditto for our daughter.
All our close friends have long since moved away. I have no time to make new ones. Family's no help emotionally / psychologically speaking. Don't have the time or money to see a therapist.
But I'm losing it. And it's only been a year. Mirey45's been dealing with this since the year I was born. I know a lot of you others have been dealing with it for a long time, too. I just had to stop reading after a while.
Anyway. I just wanted to introduce myself. I hate to know there are others out there experiencing anything close to what I am (if not worse), but knowing it does bring a small bit of comfort.
Peace to you all.
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