I just joined, but it's not my 1st foray into the ms world forums. I just used my my wifes acc't. if she was logged in and read from time to time.
But tonight, 3 years after dpmich was dx'd with ms, I spent over 3 hours reading everyone of her posts.
What moved me to sign up was so that I could say, with my own identity, just how proud of my wife I am.
While she may not be a super poster, she always posts with either empathy or info. Some of the threads she posted in hit close to home, some didn't. But she maintained her support in all of them. Hat's off to you Debbie!
Also I was impressed that not even ONE TIME did she she ever cast me in a bad light, or complain about me.
Lord knows, she sure had ample reasons to from time to time. Yes including her MS. I've frustrated her sometimes, by not giving the same importance to her self pity as she did, but I did it for a reason. I recognized it as self pity.
Different than reality.
Oh come on now... Give me a chance here.
I, in no way consider all the concerns of MS patients to be enveloped in self pity, my wife included.
I drove truck over the road and was gone 2 to 3 weeks at a time. I was on the road when she was dx. We both cried with that phone call, and even more so when I got home to hold her in my arms.
But, I know my wife, and I knew how hard this was goijng to toss her for a loop, and probably lead to depression, just as I did, when faced with heart problems. So I resolved not to treat her any differently than I always had. She was not going to recieve any babying from me beyond what was healthy.
When she would complain about not being able to do this or that as she used to, I reminded her that she needed a little more rest than she used to. I also told her that not everything that happens is directly related to MS, and gives you a clear pass on trying. Some of it is simply growing older. Many of her systems, were the same as mine. CRS for one. More sleep needed for another and not being able to balance well still another. But even tho' we both had the same problems, she always thought hers, was always MS.
Raise your hand if if this sounds like you. LOL
I'm not blaming her, or even trying to say she shouldn't feel that way.
Who wouldn't? I know I would.
But what I am saying is for the non-MS spouse.
Please do not make your hubby or wife an invalid before their time. Compassion and support is all that is needed.
Babying is not needed, except for special occasions, when you KNOW for certain it is MS related.
I relate to cancer patient the same way. As far as I am concerned, if you were a nice person before cancer, then you still are. And if you was a jackazz before the disease, then you still are. But either way I'm going to relate to you the same way as always.
What you are, is what I relate to. Not what disease you may have.
Over the three years since my wife was dx'd, she has gone into deep depression. That's pretty much natural I believe. But it is up to us MS partners to hold the fort and give the MS person a strong arm to hold or lean on.
Yes, there were times dpmich actually thought I didn't care, or care to learn. But she discovered otherwise later.
The other night we were discussing some of this, and she thanked me for not making her an invalid, when she could still do so much.
So today she is still managing a grocery store full time, and has gotten a horse and is involved with him. Now that will make you work. Right honey?
I am so proud of my honey, and her fight to maintain!
I read all her posts tonight, and see her love expressed towards people she don't even know in person. I see her empathy, and I see her strength returning as well.
I've seen her having FUN again in her personal life, teaching our grand daughter how to ride horses and the like.
I think maybe she is becoming the beautiful fun girl I married again. Oh we'll always have MS, but I think we will have each other as well now. I believe she is coming out of the black hole of depression, slowly, but surely.
From my lips to God's ears.
---------------------
footnote:
In now way am I saying to those who are actually invalid, in so far as mobility and what have you, rise up and walk. That's just stupid. All I was trying to convey is not to give in before you have to. Fight this dam disease every step of the way.
So far I've never met an MS person, I didn't either like or could tolerate. Somehow MS sems to make people more tolerant of people like me.
Deborah Kay, I love, appreciate and am proud of you honey.
But tonight, 3 years after dpmich was dx'd with ms, I spent over 3 hours reading everyone of her posts.
What moved me to sign up was so that I could say, with my own identity, just how proud of my wife I am.
While she may not be a super poster, she always posts with either empathy or info. Some of the threads she posted in hit close to home, some didn't. But she maintained her support in all of them. Hat's off to you Debbie!
Also I was impressed that not even ONE TIME did she she ever cast me in a bad light, or complain about me.
Lord knows, she sure had ample reasons to from time to time. Yes including her MS. I've frustrated her sometimes, by not giving the same importance to her self pity as she did, but I did it for a reason. I recognized it as self pity.
Different than reality.
Oh come on now... Give me a chance here.
I, in no way consider all the concerns of MS patients to be enveloped in self pity, my wife included.
I drove truck over the road and was gone 2 to 3 weeks at a time. I was on the road when she was dx. We both cried with that phone call, and even more so when I got home to hold her in my arms.
But, I know my wife, and I knew how hard this was goijng to toss her for a loop, and probably lead to depression, just as I did, when faced with heart problems. So I resolved not to treat her any differently than I always had. She was not going to recieve any babying from me beyond what was healthy.
When she would complain about not being able to do this or that as she used to, I reminded her that she needed a little more rest than she used to. I also told her that not everything that happens is directly related to MS, and gives you a clear pass on trying. Some of it is simply growing older. Many of her systems, were the same as mine. CRS for one. More sleep needed for another and not being able to balance well still another. But even tho' we both had the same problems, she always thought hers, was always MS.
Raise your hand if if this sounds like you. LOL
I'm not blaming her, or even trying to say she shouldn't feel that way.
Who wouldn't? I know I would.
But what I am saying is for the non-MS spouse.
Please do not make your hubby or wife an invalid before their time. Compassion and support is all that is needed.
Babying is not needed, except for special occasions, when you KNOW for certain it is MS related.
I relate to cancer patient the same way. As far as I am concerned, if you were a nice person before cancer, then you still are. And if you was a jackazz before the disease, then you still are. But either way I'm going to relate to you the same way as always.
What you are, is what I relate to. Not what disease you may have.
Over the three years since my wife was dx'd, she has gone into deep depression. That's pretty much natural I believe. But it is up to us MS partners to hold the fort and give the MS person a strong arm to hold or lean on.
Yes, there were times dpmich actually thought I didn't care, or care to learn. But she discovered otherwise later.
The other night we were discussing some of this, and she thanked me for not making her an invalid, when she could still do so much.
So today she is still managing a grocery store full time, and has gotten a horse and is involved with him. Now that will make you work. Right honey?
I am so proud of my honey, and her fight to maintain!
I read all her posts tonight, and see her love expressed towards people she don't even know in person. I see her empathy, and I see her strength returning as well.
I've seen her having FUN again in her personal life, teaching our grand daughter how to ride horses and the like.
I think maybe she is becoming the beautiful fun girl I married again. Oh we'll always have MS, but I think we will have each other as well now. I believe she is coming out of the black hole of depression, slowly, but surely.
From my lips to God's ears.
---------------------
footnote:
In now way am I saying to those who are actually invalid, in so far as mobility and what have you, rise up and walk. That's just stupid. All I was trying to convey is not to give in before you have to. Fight this dam disease every step of the way.
So far I've never met an MS person, I didn't either like or could tolerate. Somehow MS sems to make people more tolerant of people like me.
Deborah Kay, I love, appreciate and am proud of you honey.
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