Hi all
Having a rough time. My wife has MS - uses a power wheelchair and cannot transfer herself at all. I'm her only real caregiver. We recently hired someone for 22 hours a week since I've been having a rough time of dealing with everything. I have not had an outside job in 4 years.
We just took a trip to Ireland. Our first real vacation in a couple years and the first since we met 6 years ago that didn't involve visiting family. The day we came home from the trip, she had friends tell me I needed to get out of the house and leave her. No explanation. Finally, almost a week later, our marriage counselor found out from her that it's my anger - which is a direct result of my frustration with the whole situation, having a wife with MS, seeing her get worse (6 years from walking with a cane to all but bed-ridden), dealing with the mental limitations of fatigue and so much more as well as the non-stop caregiving.
Friends don't consider me an angry person and even though they have seen me get angry with my wife, it's not violent and always has to do with something she's doing that's dangerous or illogical.
And now I'm out on my own. Possibly forever. I'm currently trying to both get on my feet (I have no money of my own since I haven't earned a salary for 4 years) and trying to see if eventually she'll be willing to reconcile and compromise on some issues to reduce my stress and help bring the power dynamics back close to equal.
I knew she had MS when I met her but there's only so much one human can do in giving up almost their whole life to care for another. I have tried to take respite time, but 8 hours every couple weeks doesn't make a difference. We tried the outside caregiver only for 2 weeks before we went to Ireland.
Yes, she can't get away from the MS and wishes she didn't have it, but that doesn't mean I should be able to just 'suck it up' and handle the stress. We were in marriage counseling and we're both in individual counselling, all with therapists who understand MS.
At this point, I don't know if I can do anything to get her back and my therapist is telling me that it may be for the best if I don't. Of course, I'm afraid that her life will be worse without me, but I could be wrong.
I'm putting a plan together to speak to her in a few days time - mutual friends will hopefully lead the way - to develop a new formate if she's willing to give me one more chance.
By the way, I'm 44, my wife is 57. She has secondary progressive and continues to get weaker. I am generally healthy but am on an anti-depressant which isn't probably working well enough.
Having a rough time. My wife has MS - uses a power wheelchair and cannot transfer herself at all. I'm her only real caregiver. We recently hired someone for 22 hours a week since I've been having a rough time of dealing with everything. I have not had an outside job in 4 years.
We just took a trip to Ireland. Our first real vacation in a couple years and the first since we met 6 years ago that didn't involve visiting family. The day we came home from the trip, she had friends tell me I needed to get out of the house and leave her. No explanation. Finally, almost a week later, our marriage counselor found out from her that it's my anger - which is a direct result of my frustration with the whole situation, having a wife with MS, seeing her get worse (6 years from walking with a cane to all but bed-ridden), dealing with the mental limitations of fatigue and so much more as well as the non-stop caregiving.
Friends don't consider me an angry person and even though they have seen me get angry with my wife, it's not violent and always has to do with something she's doing that's dangerous or illogical.
And now I'm out on my own. Possibly forever. I'm currently trying to both get on my feet (I have no money of my own since I haven't earned a salary for 4 years) and trying to see if eventually she'll be willing to reconcile and compromise on some issues to reduce my stress and help bring the power dynamics back close to equal.
I knew she had MS when I met her but there's only so much one human can do in giving up almost their whole life to care for another. I have tried to take respite time, but 8 hours every couple weeks doesn't make a difference. We tried the outside caregiver only for 2 weeks before we went to Ireland.
Yes, she can't get away from the MS and wishes she didn't have it, but that doesn't mean I should be able to just 'suck it up' and handle the stress. We were in marriage counseling and we're both in individual counselling, all with therapists who understand MS.
At this point, I don't know if I can do anything to get her back and my therapist is telling me that it may be for the best if I don't. Of course, I'm afraid that her life will be worse without me, but I could be wrong.
I'm putting a plan together to speak to her in a few days time - mutual friends will hopefully lead the way - to develop a new formate if she's willing to give me one more chance.
By the way, I'm 44, my wife is 57. She has secondary progressive and continues to get weaker. I am generally healthy but am on an anti-depressant which isn't probably working well enough.
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