My soul hurts

[Rhoda Horse]

And have any of you been told that your sickness might be cause by an unforgiving heart?
I don't believe this to be true nor do I believe in a god that would cause such a curse on ones life.
But is there anyone out there who was raised or in a Christian home who's family doesn't want to recognize the reality of the disease and believe it can just be prayed away? Or even explained by ones faults or open doors to the devil?

@cat mom(Jenn) I don't have a son nor did I just give birth... That I'm aware of anyways lol

Also I have so many questions. Do I start a new topic or keep asking on this thread?

[Cat Mom]

@cat mom(Jenn) I don't have a son nor did I just give birth... That I'm aware of anyways lol

Also I have so many questions. Do I start a new topic or keep asking on this thread?

Oops! Sorry, must have mixed things up with another post! I usually don't start "messing up" so early in the day.

Re your question above, I would start a new thread for each question you have. It keeps things current, those who read only new threads won't miss your inquiries.

Sure you don't have a son lol?

Jen

[roytoric]

The right place to be

Hi Rhoda,

I know it's not much, but I offer you my friendship and my understanding. This is not a a great road to be on, but I think it helps to have people who will listen.

I am listening. You are not alone.

Roy

[Kimba22]

And have any of you been told that your sickness might be cause by an unforgiving heart?
I don't believe this to be true nor do I believe in a god that would cause such a curse on ones life.
But is there anyone out there who was raised or in a Christian home who's family doesn't want to recognize the reality of the disease and believe it can just be prayed away? Or even explained by ones faults or open doors to the devil?

Hi Rhoda,

I'm sorry if some people in your life have been making these types of comments and don't seem to want to recognize the reality of the disease. I'm with you. I don't believe God is cursing our lives. Our bodies just developed one of many known diseases to mankind, nothing more, nothing less. I recall something about generational curses in the old testament (don't really understand those, and I'm by no means a Bible scholar). But, I have also been told all these curses came to an end after Jesus. Anyways, I really think because people say things like this because they're scared they themselves might one day be faced with a serious illness. So, they try to come up with a reason to explain them away ... hoping somehow that keeps any serious illnesses far away from them!

Once someone told me the reason I wasn't 'healed' was because my faith wasn't strong enough. The comment came during an exceptionally vulnerable time (by a caregiver) when I had been very sick due to complications of my MS, which, in turn, also contributed to a downhill slide of my MS. In addition, someone I cared a lot about had also recently passed away from complications of MS (this person had known both of us ... and my friend had been a strong Christian). It did stir up some doubts at the time that maybe my faith really wasn't strong enough?

Of course, now that I'm stronger both physically and emotionally, I realize how flawed that person's thinking/ comment was. I now understand her comment really stemmed from her own feelings of vulnerability, meaning something could also happen to her. (Still, doesn't mean it's ever appropriate!) Both my friend and I weren't healed because of her prayers. She prided herself on her prayer life (right there something is wrong). I think it pointed out she had no better 'direct phone line' to God than anyone else. Her comment was very hurtful at the time, but it was never her place to judge my faith.

You didn't get MS because of an unforgiving heart, any of your 'faults' (we're human, we all have 'faults'), and I believe we're all game as far as the devil is concerned. Personally, I believe the devil tries even harder to shake the faith of those who believe in God. Remember the story of Job?

I would like to share something I read several years ago. I think it sums up what it's like for many of us who get diagnosed with a serious illness.

The Seven Friends

When I was first diagnosed with cancer (feel free to insert MS instead here), I knew my friends would be there for me. My first friend came and expressed shock by saying, "I can't believe you have cancer (MS); I always thought that you were active and healthy." He left and I felt alienated and different. My second friend came and brought me information about treatments used for cancer (MS) and said, "Whatever you do, don't take chemotherapy (any of MS drugs). It's a poison." He left and I felt scared and confused. My third friend came and tried to answer my "why"s by saying, "Perhaps God is punishing you for something." He left and I felt guilty. My fourth friend came and told me, "If your faith is strong enough, God will heal you." He left and I felt inadequate. My fifth friend came and told me to remember that "All things work together for good." He left and I felt angry. My sixth friend never came at all. My seventh friend came and held my hand and said , "I care I am here for you. I want to help you through this." He left and I felt loved and cared about. ~Adapted from Linda Mae Richardson, "The Victory in the Valley"

Sometimes, my soul still hurts, too. But not like it used to, and especially not after finding this site. I hope here you'll find an abundance of 7th friends, who will hold your hand (via cyberspace ), help you through your journey with MS, and make you feel loved and cared about.

Take care ,

[Cilly Willy]

Greetings all MS ers.

It s been a very long time,since i was in here,and i can see that,unfortunately,more and more people are getting this dx. M.S. THAT S SAD Don t know what to say more.Just wanted to say hi and to wish good luck to you on dealing with that.Wish to you to have faith and remember:HOPE IS THE LAST ONE THAT DIES ! BIG HUGS ALL.

[Stlhead]

Rhoda, Sorry for Your dx. I do not have MS, I am the Husband of a Wife w/Primary Progressive MS and the Father of a Daughter with Relapsing MS, and what I can say to You is stay positive, do not shut Your Family and Friends out, try to live Your Life as normal as possible, be diligent about exercising, do what You can to build Your strength, endurance and stay flexible. I believe the possibilities for treatment improvements are enormous, and a cure is possible. Keep moving forward and Good Luck.

Bob

[Rhoda Horse]

Thank you! It feels good to be able to take a deep breath and release a little weight off the soul.

[Marco]

Rhoda - as you can see by the previous responses you are not exactly alone. I also see that I am late to the party with some of MSWorld's bigger hitters having already responded.

There are tens of thousands of MSWorld members and the majority of us can relate to your situation. It's hard, expecially at first, but it does get easier with time. There will be people you know that will try to understand and others that won't even try, but here we almost all truly understand your situation. I don't know anyone that thought they had MS because of my own diagnosis (Crazy maybe, but not MS).

The one thing we Christians are especially good at is hypocrisy. I am sorry that some are using the Bible or Christianity to add insult to your injury. How often we use the Bible as a weapon, but fail to simply love God and love people. I know people that do believe I would be healed if I had enough faith. I guess if they had enough faith they would never die (since death entered the world by sin and Jesus overcame sin). In this fallen world things will not be perfect, period!

Have you ever known someone to say, "when I'm a parent I am never going to do X, Y or Z" and then they do ALL of them when they actually become a parent? Many people will offer you advice about YOUR situation because they have never walked in your shoes. It's certainly much easier to give someone else advice than to walk it out in your own life. You may eventually need to set healthy boundaries for some people if they continue to add unncessary stress and burden to your life.

I am glad you joined MSWorld. Your honesty and candor are refreshing and I hope you will continue to ask questions as they come up. You'll find many people here can relate to you and your situation and offer wonderful advice or suggestion on any number of topics. Equine therapy can be great too ... horses understand what words often fail to express.

Please continue to let us know how you are doing!

[fishead]

Rhodahorse,

You have found friends here, hun. I am sorry you have this dreaded disease and DO hope you will find a sort of "companionship" here.

HUGS

Fishead

[Queen Lavee]

Thank you for your replies. I'm a little overwhelmed that people replied at all.
I was having a moment of vulnerability and knowing that people actually are reading and responding to this I am feeling hesitance in continuing.... But I know that I need to stay on this site. The love here feels amazing and refreshing.
Now I have a question.
When you all found out you had the ms did everyone around you start thinking they had ms too?

I told very few people but many of my coworkers and boss seem to have worse cognitive fog than I did on my best days. I'm all better but I look at them oddly.

[Rhoda Horse]

@ Marco

I do fully understand what you saying and appreciate it.
Honestly it's just so hard after being brought up in a Christian home, to not let those thoughts enter your mind.

Logically I know that I didn't get ms from unforgiveness or " open doors".
Now this might sound crazy but here it goes... But now that I'm hurt once again by theses claim and assumptions am I having an attack ( anxiety/ dizziness/ arm numbness) or is what they are saying correct in some degree because I haven't moved on from them recently saying that it's unforgiveness that's making me sick ?
Do you understand what I'm trying to say?

I feel really stupid writing this because... Well I know that anxiety exasperates my symptoms and that's why I live thousands of miles away from family. I just wish my parents would change their way of thinking and stop wanting to pray for me all the time. Yes I believe in prayer and god but I can't let my parents lay hands on my because if something happens it's because " they prayed". Which ultimately means that god isn't listening to me for some reason( open doors) but to them because god is closer to them then me! Ugh

Lol dude it's going to take everything I have to submit this post .. Ha I know how crazy this sounds but after 30 years of this... Lol

[Pipes123]

Rhoda, I'm really sorry that these people are using your disease to suggest you are somehow bad or inadequate.

Someone already suggested reading the book of Job. I agree, and would add that it might help to read the Psalms, out loud. There is a lot of emotion in those words, including anger at circumstances, anger at life. They can help.

Unfairness happens to good people. Life is not a trap where we behave badly and God says ok, now I can make him or her sick.

The best thing I can say about what was said to you is that they want life to be a lot simpler than it is. They want a reason, so they can feel safe it won't happen to them. And to do it, they push you under the bus as a bad person or 'unforgiving', at the moment when you need their help.

I'm so sorry to hear about this.

[tommylee]

[QUOTE=Kimba22;14355
, I really think because people say things like this because they're scared they themselves might one day be faced with a serious illness. So, they try to come up with a reason to explain them away ... hoping somehow that keeps any serious illnesses far away from them!

Once someone told me the reason I wasn't 'healed' was because my faith wasn't strong enough.

"Perhaps God is punishing you for something." [/QUOTE]

These would be funny accept I have heard the same cruel comments.
The problem with Christians is; They are still people and people suck.
People like to blame someone for every problem in life. The only one to blame when someone is stricken with a chronic illness is the sick person.
(so it's your fault.)

There is nothing "Christ like" in that cold dead attitude.

I am a Christian and I think having MS has brought me closer to God, but when I here anybody telling me about why God is punishing me, I just do my best to tune them out.
I know there is nothing biblically sound coming from their mouths. They are just chattering foolish thoughts from their own heads. They have little concept of God and no understanding of what they are talking about.
(life would be better if they would shut up...Amen!)

Just remember these people do not speak for God. (I wonder if they even know him?)

[MizMeesha]

Just a thought – perhaps you've been graced with a most forgiving heart. In your advance to make peace with the challenges your people present to you, you are also seeking to comfort their concerns as they witnesses your reality, which brings another thought - perhaps it is they who have unforgiving to reckon with - and maybe this disease is symbolic of you being chosen to help them with that.

[Rhoda Horse]

Thanks folks