Hi! Non-MS member in relationship with beautiful girl with MS

[strikerjb007]

I just found this forum and I figured it would be good I read as much as I can on these topics on these forums.

I recently met(November 2012) a beautiful girl and have been in a relationship since January 2013. Things are going great and I couldn't be happier at this moment. I am 32 years old and she's 31. She was diagnosed with MS when she was 26.

Anyway, I have read tons of things about MS and I have come to realize that each person is different. I really have fallen for this girl and well, I have to work through the issues.

Thanks for reading.

[aRiv]

Hey Striker, I am in the same boat as you! My girlfriend (aRiv) was also diagnosed with MS 2 weeks ago and we have been together for 2 and a half years. I am 23 and she is 21. It is still very fresh so things are hard and she is still upset and scared but I am here to keep her positive and to keep her doing day in and day out. It is pretty hard but I love this girl to death and I want to be with her for the rest of my life so I will be here to prevail and to suffer just as she will. Just keep a positive outlook on everything and things will be just fine!

-Rick

[Camsue]

hi striker and Rick

Thank you both for looking past your girlfriend's undeserving MonSter and loving the people they are. There have been alot of advancements in treating MS in the past 25 years which is a good reason to stay positive.
Take care

[JerryD]

You are going to see a different side of life. I hope you are not 'faint of heart'. But if your girlfriend is really willing to fight this, then you could be of 'invaluable' assistance.
I always post the same suggestions to 'newbies'. Get your PCP to do vitamin D, vitamin B-12 and magnesium blood tests. These are important to know and you should memorize them. If need be, she should supplement them. This site can give you a lot of information. Good luck

[Cat Mom]

Bless both your hearts! Not just for seeing past this illness to see the beautiful women they are... but also for coming here to find out about it!! There's some seriously scary but realistic experiences shared here so hats off to both of you! Your GFs must be pretty special too!
Jen

[CaroleL]

Hello and Welcome to both of you!

Kudos to you both for understanding, caring and most of all loving. When you love someone, whom they are are what they experience becomes a part of you.

The fact that you are both here shows that you both understand love.

Blessings....you both have the grace not to deny what you feel!

[MSer102]

Striker and Rick there have been other threads in the forum about dating and how to tell somebody they have MS. If you don't mind sharing with us - how did your girlfriends first tell you they have MS? How long had you been dating when they told you and what did they say? And why do you think you weren't scared off by it?

I think a lot of people with MS who haven't been so lucky with dating would be interested to know what worked for you and your girlfriends. You might even help somebody to get into a good relationship.

[aitch10]

You sound like a lovely person and it's awesome that you love your girlfriend so much. You're right that everyone's MS is different but our need to love and be loved is the same.

Personally, I met my husband a few years before my DX. We were a done deal by that point and since then we've traveled, moved around, got married and had babies.

It's fair to say that the one thing either one of us would change would be my having MS.

[fishead]

Absolutely heart-warming, to see (not one but 2) people here, because they want to know more about their g/f's MS. Give yourself a pat on the back. You CERTAINLY deserve it.

[aRiv]

Striker and Rick there have been other threads in the forum about dating and how to tell somebody they have MS. If you don't mind sharing with us - how did your girlfriends first tell you they have MS? How long had you been dating when they told you and what did they say? And why do you think you weren't scared off by it?

I think a lot of people with MS who haven't been so lucky with dating would be interested to know what worked for you and your girlfriends. You might even help somebody to get into a good relationship.

MSer102,

When I first met aRiv she was going through a very difficult time, she and her boyfriend at that time were not doing so well. I was there for her 100% as a friend and it progressed into something more than just that. Honestly there was no awkward stage between me and her we just "clicked" and it was not long after that in which I knew that I wanted to be with her forever. I was very lucky to meet her and I am very lucky everyday that I wake up knowing that I have her in my life.

When she was first diagnosed I was not with her because I was working. I was on my way home when she gave me the text that forever changed both of our lives. She had been officially diagnosed with MS, I drove to her house ASAP and needless to say the mood was not the best. She is the only person I can truly say I am in love with, with no regrets whatsoever. We had already been dealing with issues of depression since about August so some days were better than others but like any relationship you go through rough patches but with us it was mostly smooth sailing. So why run when I already have everything I need right here? Especially after already having an amazing 2 and a half years together. I can't see myself without her and it almost kills me to even think of life without her. I am going to be as strong as I possibly can for the rest of our lives especially on days where she cannot do the same. I must be her rock.

If I could give any advice to anyone it would be to go out and have fun. Do not worry so much about love or a boyfriend/girlfriend, it will come to you if you are patient. That is how I met aRiv, I honestly think it was just meant to be. Meet people but don't expect too much out of things and when you do least expect it something amazing will happen and you will just know if it's meant to be. As corny as that may sound, lol. I hope this helps out please do not hesitate to ask more questions and I will do my best to answer! Thank you.

-Rick

[Wordsgood]

A big huge welcome to you both. And of course to your partners who I hope also continue to frequent this site for information and support.

Life in general is going to get a whole lot more challenging for all four of you as times goes on, but with MS added to the mix - even if both end up with relatively little progression (don't count on it) - your lives together are going to get more complicated than you can ever imagine. Please, all of you, do whatever you can to keep that love alive. You will need it when the the rough times hit.

[arohk]

welcome Striker and Rick it is great that you are learning more about this illness that your girlfriends are dealing with it will get tough at times if you ever need to talk drop me a line I am going through the same as a caregiver for my wife who is my world the more we learn the more we will understand and get to understand the things they are going through, just remember to take care of yourselves to that is one thing that everyone has told me here also.

[Wordsgood]

Rick and Striker, probably should have mentioned to avoid confusion later. I am Arohk's wife.

Again, a big welcome to you both.

[strikerjb007]

Striker and Rick there have been other threads in the forum about dating and how to tell somebody they have MS. If you don't mind sharing with us - how did your girlfriends first tell you they have MS? How long had you been dating when they told you and what did they say? And why do you think you weren't scared off by it?

I think a lot of people with MS who haven't been so lucky with dating would be interested to know what worked for you and your girlfriends. You might even help somebody to get into a good relationship.

It was during our second date. I shared something pretty dramatic with her that day and then she said: "I got something I should probably tell you..."

She started talking and talking and said that she had MS. At the time, I really didn't have any idea what that was. I mean, I had heard the words in the past but never took a real interest in finding out what that was. She was tearing up a bit so I thought to myself: "Oh man, that must be something really bad. I better act sad now.. LOL." I told her that it was fine, that I had dealt with but things in the past that it was fine.

Next day, I went online and started researching and reading. I think I spent 6 hours online. The "everyone is different" kept coming back on the forums. So I figured, I would just have to get to know her symptoms. She has mostly balance issues and well, she gets tired and stuff. But I have learned to manage both.

We even went away recently and she had tons of fun and well, I had to accommodate a lot to make things easier for her but honestly, it didn't bother me one bit. Her MS is under control with her medicines. The daily symptoms vary but again, it's kinda predictable. She's tons of fun though. Her MS truly makes her very very special. I can't explain.

[strikerjb007]

Striker and Rick there have been other threads in the forum about dating and how to tell somebody they have MS. If you don't mind sharing with us - how did your girlfriends first tell you they have MS? How long had you been dating when they told you and what did they say? And why do you think you weren't scared off by it?

I think a lot of people with MS who haven't been so lucky with dating would be interested to know what worked for you and your girlfriends. You might even help somebody to get into a good relationship.

I should add that we met online and that we have different backgrounds. She's Italian, I am Salvadorian. The first months were difficult because I think she was intentionally pushing me away. She would say sometimes, why are you here when you are a successful guy who can have anyone? It was true but what was also very true was the fact that I enjoyed my time with her and I wasn't making her relapsing-remitting MS an issue. She was. LOL.

It was until one day I said, ok, you are not treating me right, I tried and I am done. I think that's when she realized that she was pushing someone away despite the fact that they didn't care about her MS. We had a conversation and things have been great after that. I realized that her mindset was "I can't never find someone to love me for me..." She was wrong. Sometimes her moods are weird but I have to remind myself that it's the MS or the medicine and I don't know. It just works.