Lost

[ginaxoxo]

Hello,
My name is Gina. I'm 41 and i have 2 children, my oldest is 15 my youngest is 6. I was DX with MS 5/2011. Wow that was a DX that spun my life out of control.

I have not been on any chats or anything this is all new to me. I'm sorry that I might seem like I'm babbling or going on..I have kept alot of things inside of me, no one to talk to..Because Im the strong one..I have to be the one who keeps it together. Its all about Me doing everything for my family..Now I'm trying so so hard and everything is falling apart. I can't find myself anymore "I'm Lost". I don't feel like the same person i don't think the same ...I was the one who was able to provide for my family I had a good job in the medical field and I "should" understand this.. I feel like am I being a baby? Do i really feel this bad?

I have hardly any feeling in my left side {and i'm left handed} I can't even take a shower with out getting so tired. I can't stand without feeling like i'm on a roller coaster. I can't work because i bump into walls and my employer says I can hurt one of my patients..It's true thats the sad thing i do alot of procedures and injections the norm in back office nursing..but then im denied for SSD...i just was told i have to cath myself for the rest of my life because i cant pee anymore...But I think...when i say out loud of whats going on with me..so many other people have it worse..why do I feel this way i question my thinking "what am i thinking" AM i being a baby and lost in self pity? I don't think so i just keep it all inside of me and don't say anything...People say Gina it will get better I just think when? I'm Lost ... thank you for listening ..i needed to get this out...

[Eshia]

Gina,
Thank you so much for sharing. Though at 22 yo I find myself feeling the same way. I feel like I am being a baby when it comes to my symptoms as well. Talking to anyone is out of the question. For the simple fact that it hurts them to hear what I am going through. So I must protect them.
I do not have a job I find it increasingly difficult to do everyday tasks. This disease is rough on a good day. Just remember to treasure the little things in life.

[hunterd]

WELCOME GINA!!!! it's great to have you here! and you are right, everything is different. it's up to you to make it a positive. i believe you can do it. good luck.

[lifesgood2]

Hi Gina,
This is my first post and I felt i had to reply to you. I am new at this. I am a 41 yr old mother of 3, although they are 16, 19 and 22. I was just dx the day before thanksgiving. It's been a long process and I thought I was prepared for the diagnosis. When they finally said I had it I realized I was not. for 3 days I cried, then I thought they were wrong. Now I'm getting back to I have to be positive. Take it a day at a time. Which i know can be hard but i think that's what we gotta do. I have to go to a Urologist now and i'm nervous about that but i'm not going to let it get me down. These sites seem like they can be very helpful. A place to talk, get things out. Its hard for people to understand, no matter how hard they might try, if it's not something they are going through or have dealt with. I wish you the best!! Keep positive.. I really believe that helps. talk it out. even if it's on here...

[kebsa]

gina, i think its fair to say that many of us have like you do at the moment. For some people, if they have been ill with no diagnosis, for ages, having a firm diagnosis- like naming the enemy- can be a relief. but the truth for many with ms, at some stage, the thought is overwhelming, yes we have a name to put to the condition but MS seems like such a huge opponent, capable of affecting us in so many different ways that the whole idea is hard to handle.

You were only diagnosed a short time ago, so i think it is understandable that you feel like this now, especially as you are a mother with kids to care for- something that take a lot of enrgy at the best of times with out MS on top! but the truth is that with or without MS, none of us really knows what the future holds for us- some of us will have very few relapses and life does not change much- all you can do is arm your self with as much knowledge as you can- fear of the unknown is always worse! but use that knowledge to control the things you can, your general health etc and i would encourage staying incontact with a board like this where you can share your thoughts fears, questions or just vent when needed.

hoping things start to feel more in control for you soon and i am sure that it will

[ginaxoxo]

Lost

I want to thank all of you for understanding..there is so much more going on in my head and my body that i didnt get into..but you all gave me the //Gina YOUR Not CrazY..i thank you so much//i cant type to much tonight cause this dizziness and fingers are not working to good..but thank you all for your positive feed back...i think i will start coming here more often..not only for me but all of you aswell thank you so so much!!

[Pamela1965]

I can relate

Gina,

This is my first time here and your post hit me to the core. I am in the same position as you...always the strong one the one who held everything together and now just trying to hold on. I was diagnosis in August and it's been a challenge from finding the right doctor to everything along the way. I have alot of fears that I keep inside and always try to remain positive but on the days my legs don't want to move it hits my very hard. I was never sick until this hit me about a year ago...always extremely active and finding I need to learn to pace myself...but I know I'm going to be fine I will NOT let this disease dipict who I am. I wish you the best Gina...take care