is divorce a good solution?

[msterken]

Hello, I am new to this board, but not new to the MS world. I reviewed threads for quite a while, but could not see this question, well, really a set of questions.

The situation is this. I make good money, but not enough to take care of my spouse who is completely disabled by MS. At this point she can no longer feed herself, nor take care of her physical needs. I have cared for her 100% of the time - I feed, bath, clothe, cook for, etc - and my insurance pays medical bills.

What I cannot afford is "daycare" for when I am not home to care for her. I simply do not make enough to support that type of care-giver in my home. With my income she obviously does not qualify for medicaid, nor supplemental Social Security. (* at least I think there is a possibility that some people do get supplemental income beyond standard Social security?) anyway, I love her with all of my heart, and the last thing I want to do is get to the point where I cannot keep my family together...in other words, I don't wish to divorce her and move her to a long term care facility.

My wish is that we can still live together as a family with my two children, but allow the government to come in with a little more financial help by divorcing her, and thus reducing "her" income. My big question is...will this legal move help her situation? Can I get better care for her, daily care, and maybe even some physical therapy now and then??? (WITHOUT moving her out of the house we now live in???) As it is, right now, when I leave for work she is virtually helpless until I return, and insurance does not cover much by way of therapy. Any thoughts or input on this would be wonderfully appreciated.


** Moderator's note - Post broken into paragraphs for easier reading. Many people with MS have visual difficulties that prevent them from reading large blocks of print. **

[ewizabeth]

I don't have the answer but it is terribly sad that we have to consider these measures to have a reasonably normal life with disability. I hope that whatever you end up doing your wife will still have excellent care. God bless you.

[tspaulding]

Does your wife have SSDI, if not then I would speak to her MS Neuro.

Your are correct with the SSI, that is income based, SSDI is not.

Does your wife have Medicare, if so that may help with at home care. I would ask them.

Good luck and its good to see you love and care for your wife the best you can

[its2much]

Have you spoken

to a disability lawyer? Many of them offer a free initial consultation. I hope things work out for you. Sounds like you have a very loving marriage.

[Rich Feingold]

Hello, msterken and everyone. Sorry to hear about that situation. There are a number of issues and yes, you should speak with an attorney about this. These issues include whether or not you are married and living together and the consequent deeming of one spouse's income to another (which considers whether or not there are minor children in the household).

Other issues may include, even if the married couple is living separately, then how will the disabled spouse support him or herself and if that support is provided by another individual, then will that lower the SSI benefit.

There are a number of issues which should be handled on an individual basis.

Rich

[msterken]

thank you for the thoughts, kind words, and information

first off... thank you Elizabeth for the kind words. MS is not easy on anyone. My wife, bless her heart, is always smiling despite her situation. We keep moving forward, often it seems only one day at a time, but sometimes the challenges beg for answers I cannot seem to deliver. My search is, and always will be, to figure out how to keep our family together, and my wife living as happily, and with as much dignity, and independence as possible. I wish that I had reached out to this community earlier. If I find answers, I promise I will post them when I do.
On the advice of Mr. Feingold, and others, I plan to see a Disability lawyer. Perhaps this will be a step that helps me cross these current challenges. but to answer a few questions. I have Medicare, but I have never been able to get much of anything covered beyond what my own insurance covers. In fact it seems like such similar coverage that I often get notices that if my own insurance won't cover something then Medicare won't either... and so forth. We have been unable to get either insurance company to help with at home care. Period. Our constant beseeching has fallen on shrugs. It seems to me that if we were destitute then the state would help, but not until my family is bankrupt, and my children suffer a childhood without their mother. There surely must be another way to get some help.

[Rich Feingold]

Msterken - have you contacted the National MS Society for assistance?

Rich

[msterken]

MS Society

From my research via their website it appears that their stance regarding assistance is a very short-term loans of equipment due to a temporary financial crisis. If you dig deep into their website you will find this wording. I have tried to call, and perhaps I have not pursued the correct channel, but my occasional efforts have never come to fruition. They have intoned that their primary goal is research, and awareness, not help towards individual cases. I spent 38k on Stem cell therapy down in Costa Rica a few years back - yes, I know, total bust, but I felt like I had to get up to the plate and take a swing even knowing that I would probably strike out. I figured I would always wonder about it if I hadn't at least tried. But anyway, while down there, I met many severe sufferers of MS - all trying the same thing for the same reasons - and all of them felt the same way about the MS Society. I would love to be proven wrong.

I have taken your advice and set up an appointment with a local Disability lawyer. Perhaps he will have ideas and information regarding my particular case that I can pursue. I have recently read literature regarding caregiver burnout and depression - the symptoms are a dead-ringer for my own mental state. This new avenue of pursuit, and the possibility of relieving some strain has lifted my spirits. Mr. Feingold thank you so much for providing a little bit of light in this tunnel.

[Jola]

Im not a lawyer, but this is my personal experience:

Most states have a program called Long term care. In Colorado, its called CLTCS. Its for disabled people under the age of 65 who resources are less than 115k per year (as a married couple).

You can also establish an income trust or special needs trust if your income exceeds the monthly limit. Your spouse would then qualify for Medicaid.

Check with your state's LTCS office to see what the requirements are for your state. Also check with an attorney.

I am praying for your family.

[msterken]

Jola
"Most states have a program called Long term care."

Hello. I have reviewed the TLTC Partnership.
it seems to me that this partnership is set up to guide people in the purchase of long term care insurance in preparation of future long term needs. Maybe I am wrong, but I suppose, like any other insurance, they would not allow a preexisting condition like my wife has... which would bring the insurance to action immediately.
But thank you so much for your time and thoughts. I am reviewing any and all angles, so this definitely helps give me ideas. And thank you for your prayers. This is a very kind community. I hope to repay people's kindness with information that I might learn, and can contribute for others to learn from in the future.
thanks once again

[Jola]

Hi Msterken,

The Long Term Care Partnership and Medicaid Long Term Care Services are two different programs. The first one may have a pre-existing clause, while the second one is not.

But I have learned something from you.

From looking up the TLTC Partnership, I didn't know about the Medicaid Estate Recovery Clause. That clause is not good, so I will be researching this as well.

I love this community too. Everyone is so helpful and non-judgmental. We welcome you with open arms.

In Christ,

Jola