Suicidal thoughts...

[22cyclist]

I have had MS for over 10 years. I am in the secondary progressive phase. I am normally a very upbeat happy person, but about 3 weeks ago I got this dark outlook come over me. I couldn't get over it. I was so sad and felt like I could not get out of it, I couldn't pull myself out of it.

I also, only on one day, but it was weird enough to scare me, heard voices in my head. They were not talking to me, it was like a radio frequency of people talking in code, with sounds of morose code. I went to sleep and that one went away.

I called the suicide help line. They were helpful, but finally called a mental health facility near my home. They sent out a crisis person to evaluate me, who determine I needed to go to the ER since I had had a UTI recently and that could explain my confusion (oh, I forgot to say I was confused).

Anyway I ended up in the ER AGAIN! I did not have another UTI, but they admitted me to the regular floor of the hospital because there was no bed at the mental facility.

I was there for 5 days (the regular hospital), saw a couple of psychiatrists, and they put me on Remeron.

It helps, I don't think about suicide anymore, and I am really not sad anymore, so I guess that is good.

We will see how long it works. I never want to feel that way again. That was scary!

Lisa

[Cat Mom]

Lisa, I'm so sorry to read this, you really ARE an upbeat person and I'm positive that ALL Members here would agree. I don't have any wise, magic words of wisdom but just wanted to:

- Thank you for posting and sharing this horrible experience, awareness is so important and I'm glad the meds are working.
- Tell you thank God you knew who to contact, what to do.
- Wish you well and hope that the darkness doesn't return.

We're all pulling for you Lisa!

Jen

[REG53]

I am so sorry you went thru such a scary time and so glad the remeron is helping and I hope it continues to help.

[Tia1]

(hugs)

Lisa, Just wanted you to know that I just prayed for you and am sending you a cyber hug.

I am glad that you where able to reach out to others to help you through this difficulty. Hoping that with the new medication this will become a distant memory (nightmare) and you will become stronger for it.

Here's to hoping that you have days, weeks, months, and years that you don't have to be so strong, that you can relax, get comfortable and have some peace.

We care about you!

[Seasha]

Oh Lisa - how scary!! I'm so glad you called and sought help. Thank God you had the foresight to do this! I hope you never have to experience anything like this ever again and the meds keep you away from that horrible darkness.

Thank you for your candid post. I hope it will bring awareness to others who might experience this kind of nightmare. Namely, that there is help!

I wish you lots of wellness and send my hugs to you
Keep on shining

[Mamabug]

Glad you're doing better Lisa. And, yes; thank you for posting. I'm sorta like you. I'm past the point of worrying about the stigma of things like depression or mental illness. It's just too important to talk about openly.

Regarding your UTI's:
I've found it a very effective preventative to take D-Mannose. It can be found in your local health food store, maybe. I prefer to purchase it online at amazon.com because it is less expensive. I like the NOW brand, in a powder. But, there are other brands too, or you can get it in a capsule, or maybe a caplet, I'm not sure.

I wouldn't use it, solely, as a treatment, but, online, there are directions to take a larger dose as a treatment. I'll do that while I'm waiting to get in to the clinic to have my UTI tested and waiting for results, and then go on an anit-biotic if necessary.

I've never had a UTI when I take D-Mannose daily, but sometimes I've neglected to take it regularly and then I'm glad that I have it around.

You may want to try that, if you've been having frequent UTI's. I used to have them about twice a year, and after I started taking D-Mannose, I've only had one in about 4 years, and that was when I was no longer taking it. I think the change in my MS med also helped.

~ Faith

[Kimba22]

Hi Lisa,

I'm so sorry you were back in the hospital. But, so glad your recognized you needed help and then sought it out! I'm also glad those terrible thoughts are gone and you don't feel so sad anymore. It's an awful place to be. Thanks so much for sharing with us. None of us are immune to ever having those feelings. (No matter what we'd like to think.). I hope this helps so others will know they aren't alone if they ever find themselves in the same dark place. And that there really is help!

I thought I was so strong that I could never wind up in such a place. But, I did. Besides how bad I felt physically, turned out the interferon I was taking back then was doing quite a number on my emotional state of mind. (I never realized how much a role interferons played in my mental health until I stopped taking them altogether.) It seemed like suddenly I found myself enveloped in an abyss of darkness I couldn't climb out of. Thank goodness someone sought help for me when they did. If not for them, I probably wouldn't be here today.

I recognized what you said about voices and the morse code thing. (So weird you used that word.) But when it happened to me, it didn't go away. Turned out to be psychosis. It's not real common, but it can happen in up to 10% of MS cases. I was already in the hospital when that happened (unfortunately, more than once) and the doctors recognized it and put me on Risperdal. Then, about a week later, it would slowly lift. It was scary.

The first time I had it it was steroid induced. A few years went by, then I had it again, after weeks of fighting dangerous fevers. Things were quiet (literally ) for several years until I wound up in the (wrong) hospital -- you guessed it, I was also mentally confused. They thought I'd had a stroke. But turned out I also had a UTI, along with aspiration pneumonia and sepsis. Some sort of health crises always precipitated the psychosis.

I hope I never wind up in either of those states of mind ever again. They were both awful. I hope you stay well for a long time and don't end up back in the hospital; you've definitely certainly earned it. And I hope you never again find yourself in such a dark place ever again.

[22cyclist]

Thank you everyone for the kind responses. Faith I will try the D-Mannose.

I hope it never comes back either! I am on Remeron at night, they help me sleep as well. I also have appointments with the psychiatrist I met in the ER. The Remeron is not at its full effect yet, it takes 2 weeks, but I already feel a bit better, more like my happy-go-lucky self.

Thanks again everyone!
Lisa

[rdmc]

Hi Lisa,

I use D-Mannose too. I take it once a day, I use the capsules and take 2000 mg. I also take Vitamin C. Both of these were suggested by my urologist because I was having chronic UTIs. I use those UTI test strips so I can catch an infection early. They're cheap if you buy them on Amazon, like $14 for 100, versus $10 for 3 if you buy them in the drugstore. I also buy the d-mannose on amazon, about half the price of the store brand.

Sorry you had the suicidal thoughts. I know you had a UTI before, and was just wondering if you happened to be taking Cipro or Levaquin for it. Both drugs have suicidal thoughts, paranoia, and hallucinations as side effects. They aren't one of the common side effects, but if you look on any page that lists the side effects of those meds, they'll say call your doctor immediately if you have suicidal thought, etc.

I found this out because two people I know have had this happen to them. On the drug they experienced a deep depression, and when their doc took them off the med, it cleared in a few days. Not at all suggesting that's what you had, but just wanted to pass on the word to anyone who might experience these type of symptoms and they have taken Cipro or another of the quinolones antibiotic.

Hope you're feeling better.

[reaching]

Hi Lisa

I'm so happy to hear you're doing better. I know how scary that could be. I'm glad the medicine is working for you. Stay focus and strong. I'm here if you need me.

[Nicoly3467]

So glad you are feeling better Lisa!

[22cyclist]

RDMC, I did have both Cipro and then Levoquin in that order because the Cipro didn't work. However, my suicidal thoughts were three weeks before that, so I don't think it was the meds, I just think I was severely depressed, out of the clear blue.

Thanks for your help with the supplement information!

Lisa