Supporting an MS 'sufferer'??

[angelcdm228]

Hello all!!

A brief intro- I am somewhat familiar with MS, as a dear friend's husband suffers from it, and we talk about it frequently, so I have an idea on how the disease works.
A friend of my mothers has approached me to assist with her sister that has MS, she has had a couple of bad falls and they need someone to basically just spend the night with her. I will be meeting her tomorrow, and will being staying the night immediately.This lady is retired military, and from what I have been told, she is very independent.

My question- are there specific questions I should ask about her MS and what to be aware of? Any tips on what I can do to support and help- without taking away that 'independant' feeling?

I am excited to be doing this to help this family and veteran out in their time of need, but I am also nervous because my experience with MS is so limited. So really any tips and info on how to be of assistance is greatly appreciated!

[Kimba22]

I think you could ask her if she knew why she fell because that's the reason you were asked to stay there. Maybe she lost her balance (pretty common with MS) or has had a problem with dizziness (something else many of us suffer from, sometimes from the disease and sometimes from certain medications). A sudden weakness can make us fall or we can trip because of drop foot. If it's not apparent, you could ask her if she ever uses a cane or other assistive device. Then, discreetly, keep an eye out to make sure it's within her reach.

Since you are there overnight, you can ask her if she sleeps OK. She might need to get up more often to use the bathroom or have some other symptom that keeps her from sleeping through the night. Certain medications could inhibit a solid nights rest as well. Or they might make someone sleepy. Just so you know and aren't surprised if you hear any activity during the night.

You could ask her if she was on any medications for her MS and if she thought they were helping, but don't bombard her with a deluge of questions. The last thing any of us want is to feel defined by an illness.

You can share what you know about your friend's husband, but please understand we are all affected differently. Can't tell you how often I've been compared to so-and-so and somehow that makes the person an expert! Or, they read something and assume it must apply to us.

I'd let her take the lead on telling you things for awhile. She may or may not be willing to open up to you. She may not even be happy you are staying there. Remember she IS giving up some of her independence just by your presence. I'd focus more on just getting to know HER, not her disease. The best support you can be is a friend with a listening ear. You could offer to run an errand for her, just as if you'd offer to a friend or family member. Many of us have issues with fatigue and it's helpful to have less things to do.

I can only imagine how independent she is (and wants to continue to be) as an ex-military person. They are a special breed and so deserve our appreciation!

[Jazzberry]

May I suggest that you speak with the lady who happens to have MS (not her relative) to find out if she wants somebody to help her out or spend nights. This may be a case of well-meaning relatives deciding they know what's best... but forgetting to include the person who they care about (the lady with MS)

Please know that in no way am I criticizing your offer of help - just gently reminding that she may have no idea her family has decided she is a "helpless MS sufferer". I suggest the lady with MS contact her neuro - she may simply need a nightlight due to vision, or a cane or AFO, medication etc.

*I say this as someone to be "helpful" to me - but forgot to even ask me if I needed/wanted help.