8 yrs diag and still Angry

[TheCrazyCatLady]

This is my first time ever posting anything on a message board. I was diagnosed in sep of 2004, and retired from AF in 2006. I am not sure what I am asking here, I guess mostly just hoping that someone can say "I used to be very angry, but....(fill in blank) now I am not so angry anymore" I worry that I am not making any progress in moving forward, or if I do it is shallow and doesn't take much for the angry to surface again. As much as I research on this, I don't seem to find much on the anger issue. Am I the only one? Or are others better at keeping this issue quiet?

I would very much appreciate any bone that someone can toss my way. Thanks!

[jbell2435]

Hi - I'm not sure this will help you much, we are all so different...I was just dx in Sept. 2011, and was angry some in the beginning, mostly scared I think.

I'm not one to get angry very often or easily, that's just my nature. But more than that is that I know I can't change this, so acceptance was my only option.

I tried to avoid going on meds and resisted the idea until I realized that was my best chance of not having a flare or more permanent damage.

Have you thought about counseling? It might be helpful just to talk to someone about those angry feelings.

Good luck.

[techie]

Still get angry too

I think if you can talk to someone about your anger it helps or just come here and vent!
We will understand.
I am still angry about my ex neuro undxing me because I told her I didn't want to go back on DMD.
We are less than a year from my husbands' retirement and I don't want to go on any the new treatments.
techie

[TheCrazyCatLady]

I have done counseling, and meds, I live in a very small town and it requires a long drive to see an actual MD, so I haven't gone to one much. I will try that again. Maybe I am just mad about the ms meds

Thank you

[TheCrazyCatLady]

I am still angry about my ex neuro undxing me because I told her I didn't want to go back on DMD.
We are less than a year from my husbands' retirement and I don't want to go on any the new treatments.
techie

How long have you been diag? And what is DMD? I only did the ms meds while on active duty, then I quit when I was retired, and only agreed to start again a year ago. I wonder if it is the ms meds making it worse, ms sucks enough on its own why do we have to have meds that make us feel even worse?

[KatieDidNOT]

Oh no, I hate MS, will never accept it and am very vocal about it. Furious when I first go Dx. However, if I accept it, I feel like I am giving up!

But there is one thing that I am grateful for, especially after reading through all these boards. I too am retired Air Force, same as you. And by being so, my MS is service connected, all my medical care is paid for, all my meds are paid for, I have a roof over my head, food in my belly and I will never be homeless.

There are some people on this Board that have to decide if they want to eat or take their medicine. Some can't take medicine at all. It is sad when I read these things...a lot of people with MS have really rough life's.

We all got dealt this lousy hand of cards. We got the MS card. So ask yourself, "How am I going to play it?". Find a way to direct your anger in a positive direction. For example, I write Congress frequently to advocate for better service for our disabled and homeless vets. And I get a lot of responses back...couple senators know me personally by name.

Living in anger is not the way to live your life...so change it...

We would love to have you on this board doling out advice for the newbies...your experiences would be valuable. It would be a start.

Cheers--Katie

[TheCrazyCatLady]

I am right there with you, I hate the ms and try as I might I am also very vocal. I did make some right choices in my life, I know that and I am thankful it for everyday. (I got lucky on that part) And I will look into writing congress letters, that is a very good idea

The part I get stuck on is being 35 and I am able to relate more to an 85 yr old than to someone my own age. We are both marking time until our time is up, I figure I have 30+ years of marking time to look forward to.

I can no longer work much, its hit and miss so I am not employed officially any more, mostly volunteer.

So here is the new question - hobbies, what have you found that you can do with ms that you enjoy, that you look forward to. A true hobby, something that you tell yourself you can do if you get your non fun stuff done?

Is doing this message boards a hobby?

[KatieDidNOT]

I was 37 when I was diagnosed. I am 48 now. They actually kept me in until I had 22 years. And I too sometimes feel older than my age.

I think by just being in the military we have a different mind set. We as a whole are very responsible people who "fix" things. You can't fix MS...and that is very frustrating. We also are use to being very physically active (I was a long distance runner), and we are strong. MS can rob us of that. But you can control some of it. Meds, Physical Therapy, diet etc... MSWorld has a plethora of info on it that you can't find at the doctors office.

Hobbies--Take it you are a female, from your moniker, "TheCrazyCatLady". Well...when I was first diagnosed, a friend of mine who is a quilter suggested I take it up. I thought...what a crazy idea. Well...even though I was the youngest in the classes, I have not quit quilting. I have done some exceptionally cool wall quilts and have won a few prizes along the way. I love it.

I have also done some painting, but, I am not real good at that.

I will say, I have the most beautiful flower garden in the neighborhood. So I have a green thumb.

I do some consulting work for a few companies periodically, and I write resumes for people getting out of Service. Use to do it for free, but it is getting too much so I am going to start charging.

Oh, I also started a game night with friends once a week. It is a lot of fun. And don't tell anyone, but I am a reality television junkie! Survivor Rocks!

The message board attracted me because I do have a few years of MS behind me, retired AF (human resources), and I also worked for the VA for awhile as a civil servant. Huge fan of vets...don't care which branch, but I am partial to the AF. Some nice people here...and I enjoy contributing if I can. So in a way, yes, it is a hobby and a release because by helping others, I do not focus on myself as much.

If you like cats, have you considered being a Foster Parent? Or getting involved with one of the local animal advocacy groups?

Try taking up cooking. Serious cooking. Change your diet and try new recipes.

Volunteer work is always good....I think I read one of the other vets here volunteers for Habit for Humanity.

Bottomline: Lots to do. You have one life, so enjoy it. And you can do it...even with MS.

Katie

[gomer]

I have always had lots of hobbies, more than I can keep up with all of them. No they are not sports, diving or such.

Sounds to me like you seriously need someone you can talk to, one on one, able to LISTEN, UNDERSTAND and RELATE.

Have you considered professional counseling? I think it could be very helpful for you.

Gomer just my 2-pence.

[techie]

Turned 50 the month after my dx

That was in 2000. I was on Avonex for 7 years and had 1 relapse. If I were in my 30s I would go back on Avonex, Beta, Rebif, or Copaxone. (DMDs)
I am 62 almost 63 and I WILL NOT take G or T.!
People have died on those.
I also don't want to spend our retirement savings on drugs.
(I am hoping Medicare will stay around)
techie

[Scooter24]

I guess I am a little different as I never got angry, was scared until I did some research and realized it most likely won't kill me. I have sx for about 35 yrs before I was dx in 08, and they have always been written off to other things so I have learned to live with them and adapt over the years as there isn't anything else you can really do. My meds Tysabri and Ampyra have really helped me have more energy.

Hobbies I have a few, woodworking, model trains and I play some golf (riding in a cart not walking) and spend countless hours on this computer. I volunteer at Habitat for humanity doing computer work for them, along with a local youth golf program and help run 2 golf tournaments a year (mainly computer work and dealing with the golf courses). All of the above depend on how I am doing when I get up in the morning,but I do feel better the more active I am. I saw a phrase somewhere that I go by and it is
"If I am seeing and peeing, walking and talking it's gona be a good day.

[TheCrazyCatLady]

I have to say that I am getting more from this message board than I ever expected. I think I have a harder time with this because I so very much loved the AF and that was my hobby. Everything was work and I was happy, a fish in water. I never persued anything else hobby wise, why would I?

Ok here is my shameful secretm, I never learned anything home maker wise. I didn't learn to cook or sew or any of that. My brother (also military still AD) is the best cook I have ever seen, so it was there to learn, I just refused to learn it. ( I always tell people my husband is skinny for a reason)

So now I live in a small town, very small less than 200 residents, so I am a bit out of the beaten path which means that drs and medical facilities are at least an hour away. I am looking into the wood working thing, going to give that a shot and see what kind of crazy stuff I can whip out. I loved hearing what you all do, I am surprised by how much you all do.

So does anybody have any kind of ideas of websites where I could pick up tips on woodworking-furniture making or learning to cook (keep in mind I have zero skill and often Rachel Ray is over my skill level--- I told you it was shameful)

Thank you - You All Rock!

[Scooter24]

The more you keep your mind occupied the less time you have to think about MS.

As far as woodworking goes might I suggest doing small crafty type items and build up (no pun intended) from there. Also you won't need as big and expensive tools to do those .

If you search google for Wood Crafts I'm sure you will find same free plans to work off of. If I come across a good site I will post it .

[KatieDidNOT]

Cat Lady-

I was thinking. You know you qualify for the Post 9/11 GI Bill. Up to 4-years of free education. They just opened it up to online classes as well. And if you are enrolled full-time, they not only pay for your tuition, books etc... but they also give you BAH. Pretty cool...nothing out of your pocket.

Maybe you could think of something you would like to do or are interested in and sign up. Maybe give you the skills to do something at home, start your own business or hobby. Just Google "Post 9/11 GI Bill". It is an online application. A benefit well worth you looking into.

As far as the cooking...watch the movie "Julie and Julia". It is about a gal who wanted to learn to cook so she got Julia Childs cookbook and cooked a different recipe everyday. She blogged about her experiences on the internet. A true story. You could get yourself a good book and go from there. Your husband would love it.

Katie

[akafearless]

Cooking

Get dog. Practice! Practice! Practice! On recipes that is....YouTube has lots of videos
Local cookbooks are good.

If its bad, give it to the dog. If the dog won't eat it, you know it's real bad! Throw it away and start over!