Not sure about a lot of things

[navywife]

I'm a navy wife of 5 years, husbands been in for almost 6. Just coming of sea duty and heading to our next duty station (recruiting) he's currently at school about 5 hours away... 2 weeks ago I got the "we belive you have ms" speech... didn't take the news to good. Since then ive been a ball of emotions. My grandmother died from ms within 10years of being diagnosed. Just found out my mother has ms (not on speaking terms due to her lifestyle) in the past 7 months ive had a lot of vision problems. Its hard to explain but sorta like as if someone was holding wax paper over my left eye... in the past two weeks ive noticed some major headaches and some on-off again tingiling in my left arm, hand and leg. For 6 weeks ive been very light-headed... never thought much of it because i have hypotension, in the last two weeks of monitored my blood pressure and its been perfect so the light-headedness isn't due to that. I have a very hard time driving, i can't concetrate and end up having panic attacks so i stay home.... me and my husband have been fighting a lot lately. Part of me things hes better off without me, I mean who wants to live with someone whos having so many issues. It's not fair to him. He seems to be in denial about everything and wont even talk to me about it. I'm very fustarted right now. I know somethings wrong with me, I feel it all the time, yet nothings being done. it's just more dr appoitments. Then we PCS in a month, and im gonna have to go through this all again. I just want to be "fixed" i want to know whats going on. my biggest thing is what about my fmaily. They don't deserve this. my husbands an amazing man.... 24 years old and this, he has to deal with me. Im just really confused about everything and needed to get it out, and since he won't listen i thought id try here. so thanks for anyone who read this, and hope its ok for a "wife" to post in here and a huge thanks to all the men and woman who have served and are serving! God bless!

[Bob698]

Well, this one could be tough.
Its not like they stick you on a Navy base for Recruiter Duty and it tends to be long hours and pressure to make the numbers.
How will that effect your diagnosis and treatment? I'm more concerned where the two of you will be located.
Making the transition from sea to shore duty can be a strain for both of you, you basically have to re-invent your relationship and get used to having the other spouse around all the time.
Do you trust your unit's Ombudsman? They or maybe the skipper's wife might be able to help you or at least offer guidence.
For the record, I did six years of submarine duty (all of it either in school or sea time) and stayed single but some of "my" guys were married. Its OK if you tell me to cram it.

[Bob698]

Just as a follow up- you didn't say what kind of Navy the two of you are in (and you don't need to). My answers reflect my experience and sub duty has its own language.
I'd definatly try to talk with who-ever is the unit/command/squadron Ombudsman. Back in my day it was usually the skipper's or XO's wife or the wife of whoever was the senior enlisted man (again, we were a guy's-only group, I'm not slamming on women in uniform).
Either way, there should be someone in (or near) the chain of command who is supposed to have most of the answers or the resources to find them.
If you think you can trust them (and to honest, sometimes you can't) to be able to help you without the entire base finding out, they can usually give you a lot of good advice.

[navywife]

He was surface ships. Currently in pcola for school, and the middle of a pcs so we don't have a command at the moment so no ombudsman to talk to and the one from our last ship isn't really someone u can talk to. Were transfering to cleveland ohio so I'm not to worried about medical care their. I know theirs a lot of great hospitals. I'm really worried about the what if's.

Whta if he goes back to sea duty (the plan right now is to get out after shore duty, but with my health I don't know if we could afford health care) and he gets deployed and something happens. We have a 3.5 year old son to think about. I'm trying to sit back and take it one day at a time but I'm def a planner so its hard to try to live in the now vice the 10yrs from now.

We had a heart to heart and he wants to stay with me but I'm having a hard time accpeting that. I worry ill drag him down and complicate things. His job is already stressful then add me in, is that really fair to him.

[Bob698]

Well, right now the two of you are dealling with three big issues.
-Your diagnosis. Check the "Welcome" threads on the main forums. All of us had to get our heads around this disease and you don't know for certain if its MS yet. Both of you will need some time to figure out what to feel. You might also want to check the threads on the main forums for Drs in Cleveland. Meanwhile, you'll be diagnosed while the two of you are Active duty. That isn't a bad thing.

-Transition to shore duty. I wrote about it above, it seems to effect everybody who goes through it. Just give yourselves some time. Its a big change and both of you will have to get used to losing some independance (that's actually the core of what's going on). Think about it, while the Mr. was on a ship you were running things the way you wanted. He'd come back and there was the big welcome home. About the time the two of you started tripping over each other it was time to redeploy again so you'd do the big send-off and then both of you would go back to your "normal". Sad to say, but now you're stuck with a normal marrage, just like the civilians.
Trust me, you can survive dealling the with the old man everyday. In fact, if you can survive being married in the Navy, you can survive just about anything.
Just be aware that both of you need to re-define your boundries, Give him some stuff to be in charge of. Things like "grilling" and "oil change" are a good start.

- Stay flexable with the carreer stuff. Basically, keep all of your options open. I know its tough in the military right now. I mean seriously, BLUE BDUs? Yeah, if I ever fall overboard, the first I thing I want is to be camoflaged.
We're getting ready to be a very peaceful nation instead of being an angry but broke one. For the next couple of years the Navy's going to be a challenge as the heads roll. They always cut too many people but recruiter duty might be a nice hedge. The Navy is basically saying "You're what we think a sailor looks like", so somebody must like the guy.

[gomer]

Welcome...
...............NAVY
........................WIFE ! !

? Did I get the welcome navy wife big enough?....lol.

Your post sounds (to me) like BOTH of you are on active duty in the Navy right now, correct?

IF a person is Dx with MS while on active duty or shortly afterwards, you/they should qualify for FREE VA medical care as "service connected".

Even tho I am not yet (a work in progress?), service connected for my MS, I get good MS care thru my nearly local VAMC (aprox 35-40 miles away). I am service connected for my hearing loss, and the VA provides me with hearing aids and supplies FREE!


Navywife...... relax and take a deep breath. MS is a lot to wrap your head around, not to mention all the Navy stuff and everything else going on. Now stick around and keep us informed and we will try and help as mucha s we can. I am sure you will NEED to vent once in a while, we ALL need to do that.

[Bob698]

Gomer, that was some of my bias.
I have a thing about the word "dependant" when it involves the spouse and I see it more as a couple being a team.
Navywife is the wife of a sailor.

BTW, NW. I probably don't have to tell you this, Navy and command politics may suck but you can use it to your avantage. Play your cards close for the time being, find out what the new command is like and if you can trust them. You might have to keep your diagnosis in stealth mode for the time being but you also definatly want to start treatment as soon as possible.
I hate to say it this way, but your condition might be a liability or it might be an asset in terms of how the two of you fit into the new command. Use that to both of your advantage.

[navywife]

Well its been awhile since I've wrote an update but we are all checked into the new command. My husbands working now and has been. We kept my medical under wraps for awhile till he got a feel for it but he had to tell someone that away they had a understanding of why he had to take me to drs. I meant with my new neuro who is great!
He's noticed some new things my whole left side is hyper sensitive and the bottom of my feet are numb and make me walk funny so I was started on gabapentin. Seems to be helping some. I now get real bad cases of dizziness and o course all symptoms flair when I'm hot tired and stressed. I got another MRI scheduled and if theirs any more lesions I'll be officially diagnosed. Right now I'm still labeled as possibly. Getting annoying fast! I'm so ready to be back to myself or atleast closer to myself

[Bob698]

Right now I'm still labeled as possibly. Getting annoying fast!

Stick with it, getting diagnosed was/is a pain for many of us.
I'd rather think the Drs ruled everything else out before they said MS.

[navywife]

Well after almost two years of drs I finally got my diagnosis today. All of my MRI's are still clear, but my neurological tests showed my neurologist something is way wrong. He has just ordered another mri of my theratic nerve and spine just for curious reasons, but said regardless of waht it shows my symptoms tell him it's ms. So next week we should start talking about medicine routes. He was saying thiers a new drug coming out hopefully in feb that he things would be great for me, but hes not sure if he wants to wait that long to start me on something.

So here I am brain dead on what drug he said trying to get information so I can try and deicde whats best for me. My husband is still recruiting and thankfully his command has been very understanding of everything. We try and schedule apts on days he already has off but those are far and few between. So it's going. Part of me is relived to have a diagnosis I mean its been almost 2 years of knowing something is wrong just no clue what. However part of me is very scared I am assuming thats a normal feeling though. Now to have fun with tricare. Hopefully they don't cause to many problems though, so far they havent and i have had 3 mri's in 18 months. now getting ready for the 4th.


** Moderator's note - Post broken into paragraphs for easier reading. Many people with MS have visual difficulties that prevent them from reading large blocks of print. **

[Bob698]

Try running a search here for "BG-12". I think that's going to be the new kid on the block and the timing sounds right.

The BG-12 (I don't know what its trade name will be) trials have been quieter than the previous oral med, IMO that's a good thing. The last med had a tendancy to get hyped a bit during trials and it bit the pharm. co. and the users when some complications came out.

Its good you trust your Neuro. While we need to get and stay educated with MS, at some point you have to rely on someone in a white coat.

You might want to use this time to check out ALL of the mainstream MS meds (I'm talking about the meds that target the actual damage) so you're better informed when it comes time to make a decision. The main site is a great resource, just be aware that we tend to be better at throwing brickbats than bouquets. All the mainstream MS meds have their ups and downs, you'll tend to see ALL of the downs but they (probably) won't effect you.

If your first med isn't effective, don't give up hope. That just happens sometimes and your Dr. can put you on a different one until they find the best fit.

As a favor, please don't confuse "effective" and "convenient". Many of these meds are NOT convenient but they WORK. Sometimes its a trade-off but don't lose the big picture. We aren't battling acne or a crooked nose.