Hello there all,
My name is Callum Hurley, and I'm a 24 year old make who began having neurological problems about a month ago, and now seems to be developing Primary Progressive MS.
I am horribly scared and have read so many stories of people ending up incapable of moving any part of their body and becoming completely disabled. I am so very sorry for the suffering that MS has caused to anyone reading this, it is so unfair. I know nothing anyone can say will ever make a true difference but I wish there was anything I could do to eliminate it.
I have yet to see a neurologist to confirm nor have any MRIs performed. About a month ago I started having subtle balance and walking issues in my right leg, giving me an unusual gait, which I read is the classic onset of PPMS. I also developed a lot of twitches and what might be optic neuritis in my right eye (but no vision loss). I subsequently developed urinary issues also and can feel spastic muscle contractions in that region, and all of this within such a short period of time. There is also some subtle stiffness in my right hand, and indeed my entire right hand side. As of the time of writing none of these symptoms has improved at all, and I understand that once the symptoms are active they never get better with PPMS. To have multiple systems affected and the bladder most of all from the offset at so young an age, I am to understand that this seems it imply a very aggressive and poor prognosis?
Previously I've had numerous inflammatory style health problems (Rosacea, Psoriasis, Sinusitis) but have always tested negative for Lupus.
Please help, am I wrong to assume that this sounds very much like PPMS? What does this mean now, especially with my being so young? I have had a very good life thus far and have enjoyed my time immensely but I now find the concept of living in horrific disability to be keeping me awake every single night. I have deeply considered euthanasia before I lose myself to the disease, is this reasonable? How much time might I have? Could this be another less serious kind of MS as I am so young, it has only been 4 weeks but as most of my symptoms seem spinal in nature PPMS seems most likely. Is the progression of PPMS always so extreme?
I do not wish to live a life of pain and misery, can anybody advise? I am so alone and scared, this is like my very darkest nightmare has come to pass. Could this be anything else? I have completely lost my identity and feel practically as though I am already dead, I can do nothing but lay and worry and cry, I have barely slept or eaten for weeks. I think of all of the things that I still wanted to do in life, of all the places I still have not seen.
I understand and that this is simply the way of nature, with nobody to blame and no reason for it to happen. I have enjoyed my life immeasurably and I regret nothing, it has had great quality if not quantity, but I had hoped to live a little longer if possible. This seems so unbelievably cruel, so unspeakably tragic that I cannot find words for it, the feeling has left me catatonic.
Thank you for reading this, I hope beyond hope that peace and health will find you.
Callum
My name is Callum Hurley, and I'm a 24 year old make who began having neurological problems about a month ago, and now seems to be developing Primary Progressive MS.
I am horribly scared and have read so many stories of people ending up incapable of moving any part of their body and becoming completely disabled. I am so very sorry for the suffering that MS has caused to anyone reading this, it is so unfair. I know nothing anyone can say will ever make a true difference but I wish there was anything I could do to eliminate it.
I have yet to see a neurologist to confirm nor have any MRIs performed. About a month ago I started having subtle balance and walking issues in my right leg, giving me an unusual gait, which I read is the classic onset of PPMS. I also developed a lot of twitches and what might be optic neuritis in my right eye (but no vision loss). I subsequently developed urinary issues also and can feel spastic muscle contractions in that region, and all of this within such a short period of time. There is also some subtle stiffness in my right hand, and indeed my entire right hand side. As of the time of writing none of these symptoms has improved at all, and I understand that once the symptoms are active they never get better with PPMS. To have multiple systems affected and the bladder most of all from the offset at so young an age, I am to understand that this seems it imply a very aggressive and poor prognosis?
Previously I've had numerous inflammatory style health problems (Rosacea, Psoriasis, Sinusitis) but have always tested negative for Lupus.
Please help, am I wrong to assume that this sounds very much like PPMS? What does this mean now, especially with my being so young? I have had a very good life thus far and have enjoyed my time immensely but I now find the concept of living in horrific disability to be keeping me awake every single night. I have deeply considered euthanasia before I lose myself to the disease, is this reasonable? How much time might I have? Could this be another less serious kind of MS as I am so young, it has only been 4 weeks but as most of my symptoms seem spinal in nature PPMS seems most likely. Is the progression of PPMS always so extreme?
I do not wish to live a life of pain and misery, can anybody advise? I am so alone and scared, this is like my very darkest nightmare has come to pass. Could this be anything else? I have completely lost my identity and feel practically as though I am already dead, I can do nothing but lay and worry and cry, I have barely slept or eaten for weeks. I think of all of the things that I still wanted to do in life, of all the places I still have not seen.
I understand and that this is simply the way of nature, with nobody to blame and no reason for it to happen. I have enjoyed my life immeasurably and I regret nothing, it has had great quality if not quantity, but I had hoped to live a little longer if possible. This seems so unbelievably cruel, so unspeakably tragic that I cannot find words for it, the feeling has left me catatonic.
Thank you for reading this, I hope beyond hope that peace and health will find you.
Callum
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