I'm so scared and suicidal, please help

[Phoenix1991]

My bloodwork shows 3 months ago I was infected with the EBV. Shortly after I noticed my left leg was feeling more numb than usual. My neck started to hurt when I looked down. The numbness has mostly subsided but it feels completely unaffected by the cold. It feels much worse in heat. A week ago I started having trouble peeing. An mri showed a nonenhancing focus in my corona radiata. I'm only 23. It doesn't seem like it is relapsing and I feel like I have. Ppms. No left leg weakness so far. I'm seeing a world class ms neuro next week but I can't stop googling. I would be fine with rrms but with ppms, I would most likely end it all. Please,help

Anyone contemplating suicide, even if only for an instant, should call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 Professionals that can help are available 24/7. PLEASE call! It's free and 100% confidential

[KitOP]

I'm so sorry that you have to go through all of this at such a young age. But also please know that there is help out there.

When I was in the process of being diagnosed, my symptoms lasted almost a year. But then they went into remission. I know it's hard to keep the faith that this may happen, but it can.

I would also recommend that you seek help from a professional to help get all of these emotions sorted out. Again, I know it's tough to do, but it can help you so much.

Most people are diagnosed as RRMS, in a few short days it will be 14 years since I was diagnosed. And I'm still RRMS. I think it is rare to be diagnosed right away as PPMS. Usually they have to monitor progression, MRI's, relapses etc to make that call.

But I'm glad that you are going to be seeing a good MS Neuro. Hopefully this doctor can sit and talk to you about the symptoms and how they can be individually treated.

You have found a great place here to ask questions and get support. If you are interested, we have great people in our chat room that can also help.

Please take advantage of what we have to offer, and it may be a good idea not to look up too much info on the internet. There is misleading info out there. Stick to reputable sites.

Good luck - please let us know how you are doing and feel free to post anytime.

[Kimba22]

Hi Phoenex 1991,

Please take a deep breath and don't jump to any conclusions. Dr. Google is good at turning benign symptoms into a diagnosis of MS.

It takes at least a year (besides meeting other criteria) for anyone to be diagnosed with PPMS. You can read more here: http://www.nationalmssociety.org/Wha...Progressive-MS

Just because you've been infected with the Epstein Barr Virus doesn't mean you will or won't develope MS. I do not have any antibodies to the Epstein Barr Virus, but do have MS.

Your MRI doesn't sound like MS, either. The lesions look a certain way, not like you are describing. In fact, just having a lesion isn't indicative of having anything wrong!

I'm glad you have an appt. with a neuro next week. He/ she will do a thorough exam and set you on a path for further testing, if needed.

Please let us know how your appt goes.

Good luck ,

[SNOOPY]

Hi Phoenix1991,

I was diagnosed with MS at the age of 24 and symptoms that go back to childhood. I had been married for 4 years when I was diagnosed and we didn't have any children.

I was scared to death as was my husband. My mobility was severely affected and I had quite a few other symptoms.

I could not imagine my life being in the condition I was.

Fast forward. I did improve. I went on to have 2 children (ages are now 23 and 25). I am still married to the same man (33 years) and I am still walking.

There can be life after a diagnosis of MS. Please try and remain calm, stop using Dr. Google, talk to us, and wait to see what your Neurologist has to say.

Take care

[Marco]

Hey Phoenix! I'm sorry you are having a hard time, but it will pass. I'm twice you age, and have had MS longer than you have been alive. I know it's frightening, just like you, every one the 100,000 MSWorld has been frightened. That's why having a good support system around you is important. I'm so happy that you are seeing a good neurologist. Hopefully, they will be able to comfort you with their expertise and experience.

If you have MS, and if you are having a relapse, they can linger for a bit, but they will eventually remit. Your body is young and it can recover from so many things. Your also young enough that a cure for whatever you may have is a real possibility. Like you, I googled and googled and googled (they should pay me for that), and it only petrified me. There is so much information that it is overwhelming. Not only that, but 99% of the information will not apply to your actual situation. You're suffering from information overload, plus the thought of having a terrifying disease, plus being stressed and probably not eating/sleep correctly.

Try to unplug for a while and decompress. Go see a movie, right go-karts, have a water balloon fight, or whatever you can do to distract your mind & body for a while. Ensure you have a good, comforting, meal, drink plenty of water and try to get enough rest. When you are well-rested and fed, you'll be in a much better frame of mind to deal with this stuff.

I'm so glad you found MSWorld to come and ask questions. You'll be surprised by how many people will read, comment or appreciate your postings. If you have a nearby family member or friend, invite them over, or meet them for ice cream. Anything to just be 'normal' for a little while. Along with the MS Specialist, I would suggest you see a counselor to talk them about handling grief and life change. You can also call the National Multiple Society for help by dialing 1-800-FIGHT-MS (1-800-344-4867). If you are even having fleeting thoughts of suicide, please reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255. There are people to help you 24/7.

Again, I am very sorry you are going through these hardships. I hope you will continue to update us on your progress and your medical appointments. Feel free to ask additional questions, but try to stay away from all the "what if" questions that can often pop into your head. We have members that have had MS for 50+ years and they're still here to relax and have fun ... you can too!!!

[JerryD]

Hi Phoenix,
I know how you feel. I have PPMS and I have been dealing with this for 6 years +. I am sorry that you have been dx'd with MS. It will be good to see the 'top doc' that you are scheduled to see.
I want to give you to think about your situation and make it your mission to NOT give in to MS. We all know that MS is a 'MonSter'. And these drug companies scientists and neurologists are 'experimenting' and studying but still no 'cure'.
You and I have only one thing to hold on to. 'Have faith'. Do Not Give In. Be stubborn. Don't give in. This will be the way you will conquer the MonSter. Good luck.

[TinaP303]

Hey Phoenix,
I'm new to this whole MS stuff, pretty confused & scared too. Mad too, to be honest, what a crappy deal!
I'm learning a lot, it's not always easy, but we can do this.
Keep us posted, OK?

[Marco]

Phoenix - just checking up on you. I hope you are doing well and will update us when possible.