Not in denial anymore

[TinaP303]

Hi, this is harder than I thought it would be. After about 3 years with a very patient neurologist I'm finally accepting the diagnosis. I have MS.(crap, that took about 5 minutes to type)
I know I'm super lucky as my symptoms are very few & very mild. Doc S & I want to keep it that way, so starting meds is my next step. Now I'm usually not such a baby, but this has got me scared silly. Doc has recommended Aubagio, I've read tons about that, both from the manufacturer & not. And I've read about other meds too. The stuff costs more than I earn in a month & even if my insurance covers it I have a crazy high deductible that will leave me paying the first 3 months myself. (I know the manf. will help...)
The biggest problem I fear is changes to me. I'm an active grandma. I have 3 grandkids living with me, I work full time, am "this close" to earning my Black Belt in karate, and am really active in SO many other things. How much of this will I have to change? I'm so scared that I'm going to "fall apart". I find myself in tears over almost nothing lately and that is just NOT me. I'm the one that fixes things, and I can't even fix myself. I know I'm rambling now, but I've deleted this already & this is far more coherent that before, so I'm letting it go as is.
Finding this site has felt like a huge relief. I'm still scared/freaked out, but I think I may have another place to look for answers. Thanks for being here

[poppydarling]

Almost 15 years post diagnosis (and likely having had MS for at least 20 years before that) I can tell you that acceptance is a never-ending process. But I'm also a big fan of denial, especially in the beginning It protected me emotionally and helped me adjust at my own pace.

But all of life is constantly changing, MS or no MS. So there is just change, and making friends with it. What has brought me peace is living one moment of time and trying not to anticipate, because it's really a waste of time —you don't know how the future's going to go. None of us do obviously Human minds tend to focus on bad scenarios but there is a lot of good waiting for you as well, and some of it may be a result of the diagnosis. At least, that is what has been true for me.

You might not feel ready for what you imagine will happen, but you are handling what is happening in your life right now, so you will be ready for what happens down the road when it comes. Just give yourself time to process and feel what you feel without judgment — that's so important. You are going to be okay.

[KitOP]

Tina,
There are a lot of MS patients who live very active, very normal lives.

You said that your symptoms are far and few between. So continue being an active Grandma and continue doing the things that you love.

Concentrate on the things that you can do rather than the things that you cannot do.

I wish you the best of luck!

[Reformed Yankee]

I know where you're coming from. I'm active duty military so my diagnosis is a career ended for me. I was told a couple of weeks ago that the medical board process will take six to nine months.

Since my diagnosis I've been scared for the future. I have two small children and a wonderful wife to support. I moped around and felt sorry for myself for a few weeks. Then my wife kicked me in the backside and told me to move on. That was just the motivation I needed.

I'm back to riding my dirt bike, shooting and doing all the things that I enjoy. Sure I'm not as fast as I once was and some days are better than others, but I do what I can. That would be my advice, don't let ms dictate who you are. Live everyday to the absolute fullest.

[TinaP303]

Thanks for the encouraging words. I've got some questions ready for my neurologist on Tuesday, but I'm feeling a lot better. This entire site is a wealth of info & I see myself returning frequently for both info & moral support.