I'm physically sick and family members are insensitive

[swingingwillow]

Completely frustrated by family members who found a newspaper article about psychogenic illness.

MIL sent link to it to me and my husband.

SIL sent link about it to my husband as well referencing her mom and her thoughts on my possibility of seeing the doctor who knows all about psychogenic illness.

Not only do I have to fight the medical community. In my case the neuros and the psychs are at odds with this diagnosis - the psychs say it is physical!

I get mad, sad, cry, talk about my feelings on all kinds of topics and have had talk therapy. I have no problems expressing my emotions.

I even got mad and said “Hey I’m mad that your mom sent me that.” But once I expressed myself I felt better and I could frankly give a you know what she thinks as I have had no support from family members.

Now my SIL who has had a problem with me which is actually really all about her is now all of a sudden interested in my health after I don’t know how many years.

They must be gossiping and loving every minute of it because that is what they do and they do it well.

Now I believe that it is none of my business what they think of me. But at first I need to get mad about it and today here is where I need to get it off my chest.

It is dangerous to diagnose someone with a psychogenic illness without looking at many other mimics of MS and without having even current spinal MRIs.

I have other mental health diagnoses and have no problem with a diagnosis of psychogenic illness if that was what it was thought to be by my psych team however it is not, so I’m investigating all other possibilities.

Did you know that the DSMV will diagnose anyone with a physical illness with no diagnosis with a mental illness after 6 months? BUT it only gets better! If you have a heart attack, or surgery and you show any levels of anxiety you too can be labelled with a mental health diagnosis. Now that is unbelievable.

So my MIL who is very unfortunately at home with a spine fusion operation gone wrong may have to have additional surgery and now has more pain than before her operation. If she shows any signs of sadness, anger, depression, anxiety etc. she will in addition to having a diagnosis for her very real physical back problems may also have a mental health diagnosis.

My husband wanted to tell her that and I said NO, that’s mean.

I am expressing my emotions here because I am just at a loss as to why they think that this is helpful by email?

These family members are not easy to talk to and enjoy gossip - something that I dislike engaging in as it’s usually not meant to discuss friendly topics.

[SNOOPY]

I am expressing my emotions here because I am just at a loss as to why they think that this is helpful by email?

It's not helpful, swingingwillow It is hurtful.

I will say a conversion disorder is a viable diagnosis for some people ( I am not putting you into this category since I do not know you ).

I know a young lady who spent years of test after test, seizures, pain, unable to walk to being able to walk, and debilitating headaches. She would miss days, weeks and sometimes even months of school because of her health. She had to drop out of college due to the seizures.

I have know this young person for a very long time, she is a friend of my daughters. I was shocked and angry when doctors started telling her parents she had a conversion disorder.

Last year the cause for all of her symptoms where found and I am sad as to why she had all of the physical symptoms. She didn't have some mysterious disease nor were the doctors overlooking medical problems...it was something only the mental health profession could help her with.

[22cyclist]

If the psychogenic disorders included conversion disorder your MIL and SIL would understand that conversion disorder comes with real physical symptoms and the person is not doing it on purpose, they really feel these symptoms. Again, not saying that is what you have, but conversion disorder is a serious disorder. The patient has no idea that they are not sick. They are really having symptoms to them anyway. It is only when testing proves otherwise that conversion disorder comes into play. People with conversion disorder, unlike others with psychogenic disorders want testing and ask for more to prove they are sick. It is a whole different animal than things like munchausen where people do it for attention.

Good luck with your journey with your in laws.

Lisa
Moderation Team

[swingingwillow]

Thanks for your replies so far.

I have a cardio appointment next week as I have an irregular heartbeat which can be an MS mimicker.

My husband says that he is going to shut down his female family members who gossip too much.

And to think I was doing productive things this week with myself and not at all fixated with my symptoms. My doctor's appointments don't run my life, they're just a part of some of my time you know?

I'd like a little peace and quiet and privacy, you know?

[lusciousleaves]

Oh yes. The old "if they can't find it, it's conversion disorder," game. Thankfully, my docs have (all but the first one) ensured me they know there is something physically wrong, but it could be 10 years before a test that shows it is widely available. My GP was hoping I could get in to have an fMRI, but they're all mostly for research purposes.

I like that your hubby supports you and is willing to stand up for you to his gossiping family members. When he does, maybe he'll be sure and suggest they show him their qualifications to make an off-the-cuff psych diagnosis from a newspaper article. <snerk>

[swingingwillow]

Hi luscious,

I'm very glad to hear from you as you know all too well what this "all in your head" stuff feels like. I feel demoralized. I will get over it.

If you have a cape I have a...um I'll come up with something.

[lusciousleaves]

Willow whips.

[minnie76]

Hi Swinginwillow,

It's bad enough that we have to "fight" our battles with some docs let alone family members! Your lucky that hubby is standing up to them! People like that need to be ignored..don't give them the attention that they are trying to seek...also sounds like they like to push buttons. My advise is to not tell them anything about your medical issues, and tell hubby not to say anything either...
All the best, hope you get some answers soon!

Minnie76

[swingingwillow]

Yeah! Willow whips - whhhhh..ch!

LOL.

[lusciousleaves]

Hi Swinginwillow,

It's bad enough that we have to "fight" our battles with some docs let alone family members! Your lucky that hubby is standing up to them! People like that need to be ignored..don't give them the attention that they are trying to seek...also sounds like they like to push buttons. My advise is to not tell them anything about your medical issues, and tell hubby not to say anything either...
All the best, hope you get some answers soon!

Minnie76

Fully agree. Toxic people need cut off from the pipeline of information. No need to give them fodder for their gossip mill.

This is what I'm in the process of doing . . . anyone who has proven themselves incapable of being trusted with this most personal information, I make no more mention of how I'm feeling and lie even if I do feel badly or have had a recent relapse. Fake, fake, fake.

Show no weakness and pretend it's all happy and rosy. People like this can't handle anything more than the most positive and superficial of personal info. Don't give them the satisfaction of knowing you're having a difficult time. It can and will be used against you.

I'm certainly no relationship expert, and probably giving really bad advice here, but I've reached a point of no return when it comes to sharing my "stuff" with others. Something like this loses my trust and respect immediately and it's not likely to return. They'll get as much information about me as my most mortal enemy, because that's what they've shown themselves to be.

[lusciousleaves]

Whhhh..ch!!!

LOL

[CaroleL]

Lusciousleaves, you are in a fragile state right now and people around you should be made aware of this.

Any comments or actions that are not supportive towards you should be banned in your presence. Post a note on the front door if you have to. And have hubby back you up!

Those who are around to help and support are great people to have around you at this time. Avoid anyone else, eventually they'll catch on.

HUGS!!!!!

[Seasha]

Lusciousleaves (btw, I love you name!) - I agree with Carole! Besides a note on the door, if you are getting emails, why not change your email address and close out the old ones? Only notify those who are supportive of you the new address. You could also screen out your phone calls.

You do not need this! I'm happy your husband is behind you - we are here to help and support you too! Stay strong!

[swingingwillow]

Thank you for all of the replies.

When I got the first email from my MIL I read it and the article and then I deleted it. I don't have to explain nor do I have to prove myself to anyone. I have been ignoring a lot of toxic people lately and I have very solid boundaries and so this is one of the things that I have been practicing.

The second email came from my SIL but only to my hubby's account.

He's been working a lot so he will deal with this nonsense in the next couple of days.

I really like the idea of both of us deleting the emails and totally ignoring both of them as that sends a very loud and clear message. I'm going to suggest that to him, however, he's had his own problems with them before and I'll let him decide how he wants to ultimately handle it in the end.

I side with the delete and ignore though. That's a really great idea - thanks so much!

It sets clear boundaries and I believe in picking my battles and it's not like I need my health issues to become a contentious issue with my in-laws which it very well could end up being. Could you imagine?

Thanks for all of the support, it's greatly appreciated.

[Seasha]

swingingwillow, Sorry I got you mixed up with lusciousleaves. My post was for you!

btw, I love you name too and just like the swinging willow tree that bends with the breeze, my hope for you is that you can let those comments breeze past you and keep your roots deep in the soil and stand firm and grounded

Maybe it was no coincidence that you choose that name