Really, really struggling...

[October22]

I've posted here before and I'm sure I'm going to ramble now but I don't have anywhere else to turn. Only my husband and best friend know what I'm going through right now and I can't talk to my husband. He is trying to be supportive but not dealing with this himself. My best friend will just tell me to stop stressing about it and wait to see the doctor.

I've been going through the stages of dealing with this and trying to be upbeat and positive and go on about life as usual. This current symptom of dizziness/lightheaded/vertigo is something I've been dealing with for 6 years and it was always attributed towards BPPV. I learned to deal with it. It wasn't fun, but I managed. The last week or so it's been different and I can't figure out if it's because I'm panicking, "MS!" now or if it's truly new.

I currently feel like hell. I don't want to move around or do anything because of the dizziness and so I'm watching my kids be bored and my husband try to pretend and I'm reading more and more that no matter what I do, this will only get worse. Not so much the dizziness but the MS. I feel trapped and angry and sad and anguished that my kids will never have a "useful" mom again. I have to just sit on the sidelines and watch and I've already done so much of that with the BPPV. They deserve SO much more than I what I worry I'll be able to give them. My baby is only three years old. She'll never "know" anything else. I thought I was getting over the BPPV taking my life away and now this.

I don't know what to do and I don't know where to go from here. I finish with round 3 of the tests this week (MRI, MRA, LP...) but so what? So in two weeks I'll know for sure. Then I just wait to lose the rest of my life, slowly but surely?

I am sooooo sorry for the pity party. I know some people have it so much worse than me and not just with MS. I know I have things to be grateful for and I AM. Most of the time. It's just the farther I go into this, the worse I seem to deal. Thank you for listening.

[QStonr]

I know there isn't much I can say on the subject. But I just want you to know its okay to rant. That's what we are here for. You just get it out and you have a listening ear here, always.

I know it's super tough. And while I may not be in your situation I know it's hard to think about. Its hard to think about how your health affects your future and of those around you. But really taking one day at a time is best. it's hard to accept. But talking things through, maybe even going to chat would be helpful.

We are all here for you. *hugs*

[CaroleL]

I've been on the same roller coaster this week. It's totally normal to feel this way. I call it my period of shock.

What has helped me the most in the last few days has been to read many, many posts. These people have lives, they even work, go out, and raise families.

The only time I was exposed to MS was during hospital visits. I thought all people with MS were wheelchair bound and crooked. It is such a pleasant surprise to see that most people here are active.

I feel encouraged! I'm releasing the fears of MS being a death sentence. The more I read, the brighter my future sounds. My inner peace is being restored.

I'm sure you will receive the proper treatment when your diagnosis comes in. There's no place to go but up. Once you on the proper meds you'll probably feel so much better.

It helps to know that you are not alone. I only wish I was able to access the chat room from my iPad.

Take one day at a time. I hope you feel better soon!

[October22]

Thank you, Q & Carole!

It helps to know I'm not alone and to hear reassuring words. I come here a LOT. Just to read and feel connected. There are some scary possibilities with this and I have never been one to relinquish the reins very well. Working on it...

Thanks again. I appreciate the support so much!

[jbell2435]

October - You are not alone here! It sounds like you may not be diagnosed yet?

Vertigo/dizziness/imbalance were my only symptoms since 2004, and I didn't pursue a possible MS reading on my MRI and ended up with foot drop in 2010. No massive "flare", just a bad charley horse one morning that lasted a few minutes.

The vertigo stuff went away for a few years, thankfully, but now it is back and I know what you mean about being awful, but if you can get treatment, it is liveable.

Kids are incredibly resiliant and understanding, so don't feel bad for something you had no control over! Do what you can and adapt as best you can.

It's understandable to be angry, but that won't help anyone...especially you. It's hard, but at some point acceptance will be relief to you so you can move on and start living your life again.

My thoughts are with you.

[22cyclist]

October22: Ask for some Valium to temper the vertigo, it is really the only thing used to treat CNS vertigo. Also, if you are nauseous with it, ask for some compazine that will also help. This combination saves me daily. I hope you feel better soon.

Lisa
Moderation Team

[licenseless]

so... if you go threw my post about my process with this... you will see... we all rant hahahah we all need it

its a stress outlet...

i know of a few people here in maryland that i am going to try and set up a meet and greet with this summer... but to be honest there is nothing else to do but wait... let your doctors take care of you... ask as many questions as you can think of... make your self feel like you are bugging them with questions until you feel better about it... its stressfull ... trust me... we all know that... so not once will some one on here tell you you are whining...

good luck... and remember... we all know what you are going threw.

[How bizzare]

I know there isn't much I can say on the subject. But I just want you to know its okay to rant. That's what we are here for. You just get it out and you have a listening ear here, always.

I know it's super tough. And while I may not be in your situation I know it's hard to think about. Its hard to think about how your health affects your future and of those around you. But really taking one day at a time is best. it's hard to accept. But talking things through, maybe even going to chat would be helpful.

We are all here for you. *hugs*

Absolutely right...we are here for you. Im unable to accept myself and its been 2 yrs since dxd. We all have to be here for eachother. HUGS

[ray2006]

I can relate

I can certainly relate to that. I just recently got the diagnosis even though it was 'suspected' 6 months ago. Now that I have the diagnosis, it really hits home. Each day when you get up you wonder what this disease is going to throw at you today or IF..big IF..you will catch a break and maybe feel closer to normal. MS will more than likely take more from me than it has already but I do know that I can't, you can't, we can't just sit and wait. We gotta go like crazy on the good days and take the bad ones just one day at a time. We are all in this together