Hello everyone, thank you for reading this. It's kind of a rant, but I'm having a hard night.
In October 2011, I had my first episode of optic neuritis. The doctors said I needed an MRI, but I don't have insurance or money. So eventually, my eye doctors said it'll go away on it's own. It did. It came back in the same eye in April 2012, and then the other eye in June 2012. They've both gone away.
In August of this year, I begin to notice my legs feeling numb. Not the numb you get when your legs asleep. It was more like my skin had sensation, but what was below that didn't. Eventually that sensation from my legs up under my breasts. The break came when I noticed a burning sensation. The burning sensation allowed feeling. It was about three weeks, but I got the feeling back. It's been a little over a month.
At the start of this month, I noticed whenever I bent my neck or my upper body, electricity would shoot down my entire body. My legs. It doesn't hurt, it's almost euphoric. I have scoliosis, so I googled it figuring it was normal. Horrible, horrible mistake. First like hundred results were saying it's an MS sign. It's gotten a bit worse, but again only when I bend down. It's not a huge thing.
All these signs and symptoms and no doctor will see me.
Worse than that, I have anxiety disorder. I'm not a hypochondriac, but people think I am. Nobody believed me when I told them about my eye problems in the beginning. Someone said "you literally cannot lose so much vision overnight". They think the numbness is in my head, the tingling. This is mostly the thoughts of my family. These are the only people who would have enough money to help me get some medical attention. But they won't because they don't believe it's serious.
But that's fine because I'm so scared about this. I'm scared of having it. There's basically no way I don't have it at this point. I've had 3 doctors tell me it's likely, but I can't pay for an MRI so...no diagnosis.
I'm 23. I want children. I want a husband, and marriage. I want a traditional life. My own parents are dead, they died young of diseases. That's why at 23 I don't really have any advocates. Just distant relatives who see me as a financial burden.
Watching my parents die when I was a kid, it was a lot to go through.
Now I get to watch myself die? Slowly, and alone?
So many things cross my mind. No one in the family would take care of me, would I end up on the street? Where do they take people who need medical help but can't pay their bills? Will I ever get an MRI?
This may be the anxiety part, but I imagine I have the worst MS. It's got to be horribly aggressive, right? Who loses their vision 3 times? Who loses all feeling? Who creates electricity by bending in the waist? All this in a year.
I make about 500 a month as a part-time worker, and they wanted me to prepay the MRI. I went in debt with the doctor's bill.
Family doesn't care.
Probably have some exotic MS subtype that...ever see the movie Johnny Got His Gun? That's what I'm imagining.
And now I'm complaining about it to a forum full of people who have it.
How are you not scared to death, how are you able to walk through the door? How do you do it?
I'm having a breakdown.
Thanks for reading.
In October 2011, I had my first episode of optic neuritis. The doctors said I needed an MRI, but I don't have insurance or money. So eventually, my eye doctors said it'll go away on it's own. It did. It came back in the same eye in April 2012, and then the other eye in June 2012. They've both gone away.
In August of this year, I begin to notice my legs feeling numb. Not the numb you get when your legs asleep. It was more like my skin had sensation, but what was below that didn't. Eventually that sensation from my legs up under my breasts. The break came when I noticed a burning sensation. The burning sensation allowed feeling. It was about three weeks, but I got the feeling back. It's been a little over a month.
At the start of this month, I noticed whenever I bent my neck or my upper body, electricity would shoot down my entire body. My legs. It doesn't hurt, it's almost euphoric. I have scoliosis, so I googled it figuring it was normal. Horrible, horrible mistake. First like hundred results were saying it's an MS sign. It's gotten a bit worse, but again only when I bend down. It's not a huge thing.
All these signs and symptoms and no doctor will see me.
Worse than that, I have anxiety disorder. I'm not a hypochondriac, but people think I am. Nobody believed me when I told them about my eye problems in the beginning. Someone said "you literally cannot lose so much vision overnight". They think the numbness is in my head, the tingling. This is mostly the thoughts of my family. These are the only people who would have enough money to help me get some medical attention. But they won't because they don't believe it's serious.
But that's fine because I'm so scared about this. I'm scared of having it. There's basically no way I don't have it at this point. I've had 3 doctors tell me it's likely, but I can't pay for an MRI so...no diagnosis.
I'm 23. I want children. I want a husband, and marriage. I want a traditional life. My own parents are dead, they died young of diseases. That's why at 23 I don't really have any advocates. Just distant relatives who see me as a financial burden.
Watching my parents die when I was a kid, it was a lot to go through.
Now I get to watch myself die? Slowly, and alone?
So many things cross my mind. No one in the family would take care of me, would I end up on the street? Where do they take people who need medical help but can't pay their bills? Will I ever get an MRI?
This may be the anxiety part, but I imagine I have the worst MS. It's got to be horribly aggressive, right? Who loses their vision 3 times? Who loses all feeling? Who creates electricity by bending in the waist? All this in a year.
I make about 500 a month as a part-time worker, and they wanted me to prepay the MRI. I went in debt with the doctor's bill.
Family doesn't care.
Probably have some exotic MS subtype that...ever see the movie Johnny Got His Gun? That's what I'm imagining.
And now I'm complaining about it to a forum full of people who have it.
How are you not scared to death, how are you able to walk through the door? How do you do it?
I'm having a breakdown.
Thanks for reading.
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