Could use some help please

[Seasha]

Hi all,

Don't know where to start. I have a sense that one of my adult children is bisexual, but hasn't said anything to me about it. I have a suspicion that it isn't being discussed because: One - it is a private affair, and Two - with mom having MS and not in the best of health, doesn't want to rock the proverbial fragile boat.

Do I care? Not really. What I care about is I want this child of mine to know that I'm here to always care for and love unconditionally. And I am not fragile!

Do I even approach the subject or just let it be? I could use some insight and thanks!

[techie]

I don't have children

Here's my 2 cents worth: Let her/him know you love her/him no matter what. Also bring it up when you are alone together.
Knowing that your Mother loves you without conditions is a great thing to know.
techie

[Batwoman]

I know that it can take time to share that information (non-heterosexuality) with your family. Also, it can be harder after someone is diagnosed. For example, wanting to tell someone but realizing the timing is already stressful can be hard when you care about the person and want to minimize stress.

I say let your child grow, explore themself and come to you when they are ready and feel comfortable. Making someone divulge that when they are not comfortable is hard. Keep a loving and open environment and show your interest in their life (such as asking about friends, perhaps inviting friends over -- regardless of sex/gender, even just talking about work or school). Whatever it is, I am sure your child will appreciate it and a stronger bond between the two of you may show your child that you are a strong individual who should be treated as an equal -- and so are they.

[fishead]

You cannot "force" your child to "come out" if they aren't ready. What you CAN do, and it WILL help, is ensure that your child KNOWS, with certainty, that you love them UNCONDITIONALLY.

[rubberlegs]

Yea, just be there for your child, keep being kind and honest like you are. You sound like a kind and loving parent, I think you already are doing the good work of a excellent parent!
somtime youll find a perfect moment for you to offer your undersdtanding and support in a way your child can accept.

[Leola Stotts]

Be open and honest when the time comes up that they are willing to share. Do not judge, condemn or punish. But accept that this is their choice for now.

Your MS needs you to be stressless, as if there is such a thing. DOn't worry over what is not. Live for today and allow them to also.

[Seasha]

Thank you all for your insight and kind words. It means a lot to me.

I feel I have a good relationship with all my children and they know I am here for them, regardless of MS or any other life situations. We have been through a lot with divorce, disease, death and too many relocations from place to place through the years.

I am not "going to sweat the small stuff" in regards to this particular situation. There are so many other pressing issues to life. I will let it be and allow them all to "simply be".

Thanks again! I needed reaffirmation.

[fishead]

Glad that you found reaffirmation here. It is what we are ALL here for.

Hugs,
LaTish

[ShakespeareMama]

Based on personal experiences...

I am raising both of my children to be accepting of everyone. My oldest is 12 (boy) and I've sat down and had open discussions about what I believe in and what I believe is right. I never tell him what he should believe but kind of allow him to gain his own beliefs from my opinion and, of course, the outside world.

Lucky for me, I have 2 women that live upstairs from me who just got married. I'm social with them and my kids love them so they're the best, most personal examples I can use in a conversation with my kids.

Now, one of the biggest reasons I point out so much to my son that there is nothing abnormal or wrong, in my eyes, about the GLBT world is so he will never feel afraid to open up to me if he or someone he knew realized they are and needed support.

So I guess what I'm saying is, maybe somehow find a way to nonchalantly talk about the GLBT subject without pointing at your child, specifically. Take your time and ease into it. I'm willing to bet that once your child understands that you're OK with it, they'll come out to you.

Might I add, I could have only wished for a parent offering your kind of support.

I came out (bi) to my mother when I was 14.

Her response: "not in MY house!"

My response to that: "Mom, you can't kick that part of me out."

And that was the last we ever spoke of it. I think, for her, it was kind of an out of sight, out of mind comfort for her. Oh, well...

[LullabyJD]

As an ally, I couldn't speak to how a child feels before coming out to their parent/s, nor can I address how my own children will feel handle sexual issues as they're too young at this time. With that proviso, I would advise you to become an ally to all GLBTQ folks, without specifically indicating any suspicions of your individual child.

Perhaps you could participate in a pride rally, or a equality walk. Even an inclusive bumper sticker held with a magnet on your fridge sends a message that you're on board.

It's one thing to say you would love him gay, straight, or bi, and another thing entirely to show him that you support anyone who is gay, straight, or bi.

[ShakespeareMama]

As an ally, I couldn't speak to how a child feels before coming out to their parent/s, nor can I address how my own children will feel handle sexual issues as they're too young at this time. With that proviso, I would advise you to become an ally to all GLBTQ folks, without specifically indicating any suspicions of your individual child.

Perhaps you could participate in a pride rally, or a equality walk. Even an inclusive bumper sticker held with a magnet on your fridge sends a message that you're on board.

It's one thing to say you would love him gay, straight, or bi, and another thing entirely to show him that you support anyone who is gay, straight, or bi.

I second that! Nicely stated!

[twisterred]

Sorry your mom wasn't accepting, Shakes.

Loving your child is showing a great example!
Good for you...

[ShakespeareMama]

It's all right, Twister. I think she's actually forgotten all about it. Thank you, though. Your words made me smile.

I'd like to say it's important that my parents know/remember... but, unfortunately, it's not. I love them to death but there's a lot of distance between us (on their part, really). Ironically, they only live one town away...

I have to say, Seasha, I have a lot of respect for you that you want to know your child.... and any other of you parents who actually want to be involved. You guys don't get enough credit!