Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Pity, party of one

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Pity, party of one

    I just need to rant and I don't feel like I can talk to anyone in my real life.

    A year ago my husband and I moved to be closer to our families while our son was being born. We left a town where we had friends and I had a great support system. The plan was to move back once our baby was a little older and my husband had gotten a job (he just graduated). Soon after our baby was born I got diagnosed with MS. I started treatment a couple months ago and have been having trouble with side effects and general MS trouble.

    Because the only job my husband could get requires him to travel and be gone for weeks at a time we decided to stay close to our families rather than move. Our families live in a small town and we are not small town people.

    I keep feeling in turns immensely grateful that we have our families to help when I am not feeling well, and immensely defeated because I already feel like my decisions are being dictated by an illness.

    I am trying really hard to stay positive, but I keep seeing all the dreams and plans I had for our life fall apart in front of us in a few short months.

    #2
    Originally posted by thestraltrainer View Post
    I just need to rant and I don't feel like I can talk to anyone in my real life.

    A year ago my husband and I moved to be closer to our families while our son was being born. We left a town where we had friends and I had a great support system. The plan was to move back once our baby was a little older and my husband had gotten a job (he just graduated). Soon after our baby was born I got diagnosed with MS. I started treatment a couple months ago and have been having trouble with side effects and general MS trouble.

    Because the only job my husband could get requires him to travel and be gone for weeks at a time we decided to stay close to our families rather than move. Our families live in a small town and we are not small town people.

    I keep feeling in turns immensely grateful that we have our families to help when I am not feeling well, and immensely defeated because I already feel like my decisions are being dictated by an illness.

    I am trying really hard to stay positive, but I keep seeing all the dreams and plans I had for our life fall apart in front of us in a few short months.
    Hi thestraltrainer

    Thanks for sharing how MS is currently affecting your life. Hope it helps to be able to vent here,
    where others can relate and understand.

    MS often causes us to alter or change our dreams and plans. But we can still have them, even if they're not the precise ones we had hoped for.

    We can't know for sure how much we will be affected by this disease. Your symptoms may calm down over time, and some may even resolve. Don't lose hope.

    Give it some time. Meanwhile, take good care of yourself physically and emotionally. Hopefully you will feel better over time. Enjoy your baby and family.

    Vent here anytime!

    Take Care
    PPMS for 22 years (dx 1998)
    ~ Worrying will not take away tomorrow's troubles ~ But it will take away today's peace. ~

    Comment


      #3
      Hi thestraltrainer.

      In less than a year you have 1) made a major move 2) had a child and 3) been dx'ed with MS - additionally you have started a kinda stressful DMD.

      I hesitated to reply because unfortunately MS does cause many people to have to put away their dreams. BUT I felt that you need to realize that you are still in hormone flux from the birth of your child AND you are understandably in the mist of a grieving process.

      Most people with MS end up going thru the grieving process many times. Initially at dx and then they start feeling better. Then a symptom becomes permanent and it starts again. Since MS is progressive this continues for the rest of your life. Add in 'normal' life (such as ageing) and the remainder of life looks pretty depressing.

      When I was first dx'ed "Knowledge is power" was a big thing. And it is. Look up the stages of grief, find out where you are and know that like all processes it will end. Maybe just knowing what is going on will be of some help to you.

      But by all means use this board to talk things out. While we may not have any solutions we do understand what you are going through. For what it's worth I still find myself grieving for the old me and my old life. The new ones are scary because I am not in control of ANYTHING . But it is not a 'bad' life. I have to keep things in perspective - just because I am not where I thought I would be or able to do what I always assumed I would be able to do, that doesn't make things unbearable; just different.

      Take care .

      Comment


        #4
        There's a lot of wisdom in msgijo's reply.

        Your ambivalent, mixed emotions are really understandable. Yeah; when we have a supportive family (which it sounds like you do), it's great to have them close by. It's healing that you can recognize that.

        But, that doesn't negate the other side -- the feeling of defeat and disappointment because your life decisions are affected (or maybe even dictated) by your illness. And,you've needed to make some changes.

        If you've just had a baby recently, it sounds like MS hit you when you were fairly young. That seems even more unfair. (I was 39; my kids were 11 and 12 so I was grateful for that decade or so of parenting without MS. MS really changed how I was able to parent.)

        It's sad when our dreams and plans fall apart. What I've learned from that is that I need to dream new dreams; different dreams. Keeps the parts of your dream that are realistic and alter the parts that are not. Make changes slowly, and as you are ready, if your disease allows you to set a time line for changing dreams.
        ~ Faith
        MSWorld Volunteer -- Moderator since JUN2012
        (now a Mimibug)

        Symptoms began in JAN02
        - Dx with RRMS in OCT03, following 21 months of limbo, ruling out lots of other dx, and some "probable stroke" and "probable CNS" dx for awhile.
        - In 2008, I was back in limbo briefly, then re-dx w/ MS: JUL08
        .

        - Betaseron NOV03-AUG08; Copaxone20 SEPT08-APR15; Copaxone40 APR15-present
        - Began receiving SSDI / LTD NOV08. Not employed. I volunteer in my church and community.

        Comment


          #5
          I'm also glad you were able to at least write out your feelings here. We all know to some degree what you are going through. Hang in there.
          He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
          Anonymous

          Comment


            #6
            I can't add much more than the others before me, just know that your not alone and dreams do change all the time.

            I thought I would be working hard and earning a nice pay day, but now I'm a grandma and am able to spend more time with my family.

            Good luck!
            DIAGNOSED=2012
            ISSUES LONG BEFORE
            REBIF 1 YEAR

            Comment

            Working...
            X