Life Partner... she didn't sign up for MS

[rubberlegs]

but do we want them to stay? I know my spouse can't and won't become my caretaker.
So Knowing that is not helping my MS or mental health or relationship.
sometimes I ask myself, I know; I must leave if I get disabled -so why remain? My answer is -because I'm not disabled.
I try not to think about it beacuse it is so unsetteling.

[fishead]

rubberlegs,
NO ONE knows what path their MS is going to take, so don't automatically assume that you will become disabled. Hang tough, my friend!

Namaste,
LaTish

[twisterred]

True love stays even in the difficult times.

Love needs a safe place to thrive. So, with patience, sharing and caring, love will be there.

OK, OK, that sounds sort of like a card or something, doesn't it?

But, I've really learned over 20 years with this disease and a wonderful hubby, love is genderless and and the only thing keeping us together really is our love for each other.

No piece of paper can do that. Time, sharing, helping, understanding and sacrifice can overcome anything.

(We know some friends who are celebrating close to 50 years together and they've been dealing with MS for over half of that time.
Couples like that inspire me and prove love can conquer MS.)

[fishead]

Twist
YOU may believe you sounded like a "card", but your words were sweet and tender AND TRUE!

Thank you for sharing your information with us.

[twisterred]

Twist
YOU may believe you sounded like a "card", but your words were sweet and tender AND TRUE!

Thank you for sharing your information with us.

Thanks for making my day!

[fishead]

Twist,
BTW, the love you have with our husb, sounds like what we ALL, as humans, strive for. I hope you realize and enjoy what you have.

[Maggie222]

RE: Life-Partner

Hi Day -
I see that you posted this thread about 6 months ago, but I'm brand new to this board & your post is the first one I've read & it has struck a chord with me.
Our circumstances aren't identical, but I can relate on a few levels. I too was once married (11 years) & have 3 grown children from that marriage. Being diagnosed with MS at age 24 was life-altering enough.......until I was further "blind-sided" 4 years later, when I fell in love with a woman! Very active in our Church, this revelation sent me into therapy......and I left my marriage. I had great difficulty with the realization of "who" I was & couldn't even say the word "lesbian" for a number of years
So, I can understand your partner's difficulty somewhat.

My MS stayed "milder" until an injury turned me into SPMS in 1994. By this time, my partner (the woman I fell in love with) and I had been together for 8 years. Between us, we had 5 children, as she had been married too. She had always known she was gay, but married due to societal expectations, etc. We were together for 18 years, but she broke it off for reasons I'll never know. She had become disabled as well (with an assortment of auto-immune disorders), so I imagine this had something to do with our demise.

Providence intervened & I met my current partner. We've been together now for 7 years! I was concerned how much she actually knew about MS & the possible challenges/problems it can bring to the table. I walked with a cane when we met, but I was still rather independent. Fast forward 3 years......and I underwent some serious spine surgery & then a month later, I fell & fractured my pelvis! THIS was the defining circumstance that "stole" my independence and has had me thinking.....she didn't "sign up" for this! She's a bit older than I & has her own health issues & my challenges do NOT make our life any easier.

I have alot of limits, that in turn, place more limits on us as a couple........and I feel this isn't fair to her! Although I couldn't blame her if she chose to walk away, she stays because she loves me (although much to her detriment I think).

I feel as if I'm nothing more than a "spectator" of life, due to the limits my progression has created. "I" am the lucky one, to have someone I love & who loves me, that is willing to stand beside me......regardless of what this "THIEF" (MS) steals from me.

I wonder at times if I'm just a coward & if I was truly "unselfish", I would let her go. Then she makes me laugh.........and I thank God that she chooses to stay.
Keep the lines of communication open with your partner & don't be too concerned that she's unable to go "public" with her relationship with you at this time. That she has chosen to stay, speaks volumes about her love for you. In the final analysis, isn't this what is most important?
I wish the best for you both & that everything works out for your "highest good". :>)

*****post broken into paragraphs for easier reading*****

[Kris_Cast]

DEAR MYTHREECHILDREN

Now while not exactly sure the love you two share, but I hear my wife say the same things to me, now she has PPMS and says she shouldn't expect me to stay and take care of her. Well sorry but really for me on this one matter it doesn't matter what she thinks. I am very in love with my wife and couldnt' imagine anyone else doing it. I have read a couple things here that say one should really think about something befor they do it cause maybe it isn't the right thing. My wife would make me very unhappy but not accecpting my help and my love. Just trying to say give him time to choose for his self. I hope for the 2 of you, you have what I do with my wife...
Kris

[Day11]

Maggie,

Thanks so much for sharing, yes this was far beyond 6 months ago and things are pretty much the same... except we broke up the got back together And then broke up again now we are just plain complicated... There is a lot of emotions that confuse a clean break and a lot of social issues that complicate a clean "stay together" I guess I feel like the label is getting in the way.

Since I posted this I have realized the stuff I offer in a complicated relationship where I have MS and she has issues with identifying her sexuality. I am very patient and understanding, but we have been friends since 1993 and feel a sense of frustration because when we broke up... nothing changed except, I was part of her family again and we didn't have those "intimate" moments that couples have.

Our attraction to eachother changed the intimate part and then I was banished from the family invites again. She then becomes plagued with secrets and we end up breaking up our "Non-relationship" all over again. I think at this point I am just amused because being someone that can't do anything besides basically work and end up in bed by 10p if I am lucky I am not very quick to put myself back on the market.

We are, I think, back to a break up mode but she has expressed her love and frustration of not being able to be back together and free. I once again suggested counseling or to just see where the road of love and complication leads us. My heart tells me to just let go, but my spirit needs her. This is no longer about my limitations of MS but the limitations when love doesn't always win

Life will shed light on what will happen, I do feel a bit selfish because I love her and want her to cope with the complications before pulling the cord on our love. Silly I know.

[fishead]

Maggie,

Thanks so much for sharing, yes this was far beyond 6 months ago and things are pretty much the same... except we broke up the got back together And then broke up again now we are just plain complicated... There is a lot of emotions that confuse a clean break and a lot of social issues that complicate a clean "stay together" I guess I feel like the label is getting in the way.

Since I posted this I have realized the stuff I offer in a complicated relationship where I have MS and she has issues with identifying her sexuality. I am very patient and understanding, but we have been friends since 1993 and feel a sense of frustration because when we broke up... nothing changed except, I was part of her family again and we didn't have those "intimate" moments that couples have.

Our attraction to eachother changed the intimate part and then I was banished from the family invites again. She then becomes plagued with secrets and we end up breaking up our "Non-relationship" all over again. I think at this point I am just amused because being someone that can't do anything besides basically work and end up in bed by 10p if I am lucky I am not very quick to put myself back on the market.

We are, I think, back to a break up mode but she has expressed her love and frustration of not being able to be back together and free. I once again suggested counseling or to just see where the road of love and complication leads us. My heart tells me to just let go, but my spirit needs her. This is no longer about my limitations of MS but the limitations when love doesn't always win

Life will shed light on what will happen, I do feel a bit selfish because I love her and want her to cope with the complications before pulling the cord on our love. Silly I know.

NOT SILLY AT ALL, Day11. REALISTIC.
I am so very sorry you are having to go through this!

[LisaL77]

I was very apologetic toward my husband the first two days after my doc explained my MRI results to me, however...... I met him when he had a spoiled, undisciplined 4 year old. A woman he was dating before he met me would not allow her daughter play dates with her because of her behavior. He was a super slob, and drank like a sailor. Fast forward 12 years or so. We are a family, my 15 year old darling step daughter loves me as much as her own mom and chose to live with us. No more sloppiness and no more drinking like a sailor.

It was hard work to get here. He can ride this MS train with me after all that.