Sick of people telling me to be happy

[flipz11]

Hi,
I'm Kayla, just turned 24 years old in October and was diagnosed September 28, 2011. Although, I knew about the MS in August. My first symptoms I never even noticed, and I can remember symptoms back to when I was in middle school that happened rarely. My last episode started in about May and progressively got worse until I saw my current neuro in September. I think I knew all along what it seemed like because my dad has been diagnosed with MS for 15 years. I never told anyone for fear of them thinking I was just being paranoid until it got far far worse. I told my dad he made me go to a GP the GP sent me to a neuro (a dumb on at that) who saw my past depression reports and immediately decided my neurological symptoms were from depression. I finally got an appointment with my regular GP who did the MRI and 2 days later I got the news. I moved found a Neuro who diagnosed me and started my meds in oct.

Since then I feel like everyone just expects me to be okay with this and to be happy but I'm not. I have to take shots everyday which still aren't fun. They don't understand that I am 24 years old and I have to deal with this. Its a whole life of uncertainty. I'm so so sick of people telling me to be happy. Be happy about what!? I understand that there is a lot to be happy for and I am I truly am but I feel like I was just robbed of what youth I have left. It's frustrating and not many people understand or are understanding. I just want to yell at people when they say be happy because I know they wouldn't be if they were diagnosed young with a disease too.

Anyone have similar situations with people in their lives?

[BeneathTheLies]

I feel for you. I'm 22 and just dx in June. It's like you get the diagnosis and everyone assumes you should just get over it and be happy with your life. You're right, we have been robbed. Not just of our youth but our ignorance to how cruel this world can be. It takes time to just be happy. We've been handed a very hard pill to swallow. It's not something someone can accept in a few days, weeks, months and sometimes years. You have every right to be angry, upset, and so many other things.

I hope that things get easier for you. If you ever need a place to vent this place is great. If you would like some support from someone your age feel free to contact me, my email is in my profile. I also am taking copaxone. Good luck.

[SNOOPY]

Hi Kayla,

If I have to guess, family and friends really don't know what to say and, so, they give you the 'be happy' phrase.

I feel like I was just robbed of what youth I have left

I remember feeling like I was too young to have a disease and being very overwhelmed and scared. I was 24 years old when I was diagnosed and I had already been married for 4 years. We didn't have any children but we did want to have some.

That was a long time ago.

I am still married to the same man (30 years) and we have 2 children, ages 20 & 22.

Kayla, give yourself some time to absorb and deal with your diagnosis and tune out the comments that upset you

[flipz11]

Beneath the lies- Thank you It is nice to know there are people that understand. It's tough to come by, surprisingly, even in the MS world.
Snoopy- I was just telling my dad that people don't understand at all and maybe they don't understand because what is important to me may not be important to them. The most important things that I could do in my life is finish school, get married, and have babies and I wanted to do it on my terms. I think that is where a lot of my anger and depression comes from. You are very right, though, people usually (most the time) do not know what to say. I just need to ignore it and not let it get me down or make me mad.

[jojo18]

i am 21 years old. i was dxd at 13 (almost 8 years to the day today).

I now how you feel. this thing sucks. and thats not going to change. but i am generally a happy person. but it took 2 years for me to stop being in denial/ angry about it and 5 years for me to be able to be happy in spite of it.

you are still in shock over it. give it time to digest. scream/cry/punch something while it does. after, dust yourself off and move on.

life is a game of poker. you cant control the cards you are dealt, but you can control how you play them.

[ffjosh]

Guess im the only person who was happy to have MS.

I was more scared of having cancer or a tumor in my brain.

Long as you take care of your self there really isn't anything you can do. So why stress it?

I take my shot with my vitamins everyday so its like a normal routine. It burns a little and sometimes hurts for a day. Oh well, gatta do it.

So in a way there right. Just be happy, nothing you can do about it now.

[BigA]

Josh,

you make a good point. I thought I was dying and was much relieved to find out I was not. I later realized I had the most pain-in-the-*** disease one could get and lamented my sad fate, but I've since learned that MS is not the worse disease you can get.

Flipz,

You should be happy, because it's better than being depressed - seriously. However, people telling you that you should be happy when they actually have no idea what they're saying is annoying.

My advice is to find a friend to whom you can talk about your suffering, then not talk so much to the other people - even your family. Unless someone has this or some other illness, there is no way they can understand, so it's pretty much useless to try to explain. Just say when you can and can't do something or if you're too tired.

I tried confiding in my wife and even my best friend about my suffering at the lowest points, but to be honest, both were useless - they were born without the capacity to understand, or more accurately, they are both so scared of illness that they dare not imagine. I have a son I want to be a roll model to, so that doesn't allow me to feel sorry for myself at home.

Please allow me, someone who knows something about what you're suffering (though we're all different) to advise you that you should still strive to be happy (in spite of idiots telling you the same thing) and that you can. I highly recommend reading biographies of people who have overcome diversity, meditation, yoga and above all, exercise.

[SingOut12]

I agree with ffjosh.
I was diagnosed at 13 and am now 18. From the very beginning, I did not see what there was to be so upset about. Sure, there are days when it's a bit tougher, but that's what life is. Also, there's always something that could be worse.
I think we're at sort of an "unfair advantage." Unfair because it IS difficult and a lot of people don't understand what we're going through. But it's an advantage because now we have a new way to see the world and what happens.
It's hard, there's no way to deny that. But don't let it stop you, because then it wins.

[pjsSissy70]

I was dx at 22 yrs old. I'm now 41 and I was told to be happy also. In translation, 'BE happy' just means to not let this disease get you. I was dx before they had medicines for this. I had to deal with idiot doctors as well. I decided, after the shock of the dx, that I was going to win this fight and not let MS control my life. The best advice I ever got from fellow MSers is that I have MS, but MS DOES NOT HAVE ME!!! Get your mindset like, and you will truly be happy again. True, you will deal with this for the rest of your life, but it's not a death sentence and doesn't have to rob you of your youth. Good luck to you.

[Nanobaby]

Guess im the only person who was happy to have MS.

I was more scared of having cancer or a tumor in my brain.

I was the exact opposite! Having cancer or a brain tumor would have been more relief.

[flipz11]

From what I read I think I may have given off the wrong impression. It is not that I am not ever happy. It is that right now I need to be able to grieve when I want to. My dad had had it for 15 years before I was diagnosed so I have seen MS before and what it is capable of doing. It is not the easiest thing to watch your dad go downhill half your life and then get dx with it before you have even started yours.

I was a gymnast, played soccer, ran track... I know how much health means to me with or without the MS so exercising and taking care of myself is not a problem even if I am depressed.

I think another thing is is that not everyone shares my hopes and dreams. It would be really hard to find anyone with the same situation as me. Everyone is different, everyone has different symptoms, different anxiety issues, different stressors, but most importantly things that they want to more than anything. This, MY life, is far far more than just have MS. I just want understanding is all. Which, I am sure, most people with any kind of disease wants.

[Powerlineon]

Flipz

I am a Chinese DZD when I was 18 and the worst part of the story is that my family was unable to afford medicine for MS and I have to leave the hospital and treat MS in the next 11 years with vitamin B and vitamin e cuz they are cheap; but I still managed to graduate from university with my tuition earned 100% from my part time jobs and eventually found a buying role in Apple; I admit sufferred from fatigue and dizziness when I was studying and working, and my turning point came in 2010 when I tried my chinese herbal medicine and it removed around 80% of my symptoms and with my mind cleared up I was able to do more studies on the disease which I believe would find me a way out. This is a chronic disease which means you will have enough time to cope with it and I have read about patients who achieved total remission,why can't we be one of them? Have faith in yourselves as you are bound to encounter the good times when you managed your way through the hard times, Cheer up !

[jojo18]

i think of my Ms this way. ms is both the best and worst teacher you will ever have.

its the teacher that you know is a hard *** and no one likes. when you find out you have it you want to cry, scream, do just about anything to have someone(something), but to no avail.

but even through it is a hard *** of a teacher, and it is unfair, you will never stop learning from it. no matter how long you live. and you will realize that it is not as bad as you may have been lead to believe.

[AnonyMS]

I was the exact opposite! Having cancer or a brain tumor would have been more relief.

Same here. During the whole MRI process to getting the diagnosis, I was certain I had a brain tumor causing the double vision.
MS NEVER crossed my mind. After I received the diagnosis, I was actually disappointed it wasn't a tumor. Disability scares me more than death.

It can be considered offensively insensitive to wish cancer on yourself when nearly all of us have had some sort of dealings with cancer (family/friends/acquaintances).

But I can understand that honesty. I feel it myself.

[Coriander]

I understand your unhappiness when people throw that expresion at you. No one is capable of being happy all the time and looking down the barrel of a debilatating progressive disease diagnosis tends to make one more hysterical than happy. You do need to greive to be able to find those happy moments again.

Unfortunately, I would have to say MS has me. I am 41 but have had the disease for a very long time. I was not diagnosed until I was 37 but remember odd incidents from my early twenty's and even earlier. I was labeled a hypochondriac and a whiner by my father and other people beause my doctors did not know what to look for.

Dr's seem better at diagosing the condition now earlier. At least dmd's are available and I hope you have a better run than I did. Knowing your demons name and nature helps alot.